


Limbo

by Local_Asshole



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Black Mercy, Cohabitation, F/F, Heavy Angst, Psychological Trauma, Suicide Attempt, Temporary Death, Time Travel, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, also I’m making two endings, eventual happy ending kiddos, not between kara and lena tho don’t worry, one hella sad and one happy, there is NO intentional self-harm, unhealthy relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-16
Updated: 2018-08-28
Packaged: 2019-01-18 03:33:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 47,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12380046
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Local_Asshole/pseuds/Local_Asshole
Summary: Lena is in the clutches of the Black Mercy, but Supergirl—Kara—saves her. The aftermath leaves Lena in ruins as she begins to question her worth and becomes desperate for the happiness she experienced under the parasite.





	1. Falsehood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on FF as Local-Asshole.**

# Falsehood

* * *

"Darling," Lena chided playfully, strong arms wrapping around her waist.

Kara giggled and pressed their bodies together, smothering her face into the dark hair that was mussed from sleep. She brushed her fingers through the knots gently, untangling the silky locks. She inhaled and Lena leaned away to avoid the heat of the breath tickling the nape of her neck.

"Breakfast?" Kara asked.

Lena hummed nodding as she flipped the omelettes in the pan and sprinkled in some chopped greens.

"Oh! Kale!" Kara exclaimed, enthusiastically pulling the vegetable from the pile on the cutting board and popping it into her mouth, chewing excitedly, "So good!"

A moment of confusion flickered across Lena's expression, the fact that Kara just ate  _kale_ , and the fact that Kara had her arms tightly wound across Lena's stomach, and the fact that Kara gave a chaste kiss on her cheek like they were a-

"Mommy!"

Her train of thought came to a sudden halt at the little girl dashing towards them from her peripheral vision.

Her hair was a dirty blonde, not as dark as Lena's, but not as light as Kara's, her eyes a soft olive tone and her skin a fair shade.

Something in Lena clicked and suddenly she was greeting the child with familiarity, even though in the very depths of her mind she had not ever encountered the girl before.

"Lori!" she and Kara both called, wide grins plastered on their faces to match...

...their daughter's.

Lena's glance dipped to the floor at the passing recognition, another moment of befuddlement shadowing the clarity in her, but she shrugged off the cumbersome cloud with a shake of her head.

Kara crouched and laughed when the small girl tackled her, clinging onto her chest like a lifeline. She stood, adjusting Lori's position so she sat atop her broad shoulders.

Lena's gaze raked over the tensing biceps before connecting with Kara's, who winked teasingly and flexed her arms again to showcase her muscles.

Lena averted her eyes momentarily, a faint blush traveling up her neck and coloring her cheeks a lovely pink shade. Then she playfully slapped Kara's arm, "Stop showing off."

The woman pouted, rubbing the assaulted spot with mock hurt, "You didn't have a problem with it until now."

"Mommy!" Lori bounced, tugging Kara's shirt and giggling as she pointed at Lena, "Mom is red like your cape!"

Lena narrowed her eyes at her daughter, who glared back with just as much intensity, complemented with a familiar pout.

Kara chuckled, "I think she's channeling her inner CEO, maybe she should stop spending time with you at LuthorCorp."

 _L-Corp_.

Lena paused at the thought that spontaneously appeared in her head.

"—unch with them?"

She focused on the voice, pulling her back from the blurry void of her mind.

"Pardon?"

Kara arched a brow, and folded her arms, "Did you forget we're having brunch with them again?"

"Who?"

"You really need to stop overworking yourself. With Lionel, Lillian, and Lex of course!"

Lena took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose at the names, a feeling of dread pulling at her gut when she heard them utter from the blonde's lips, "Sorry, I have a headache, I need a moment."

Kara's and Lori's eyes crinkled in concern.

"Do you need me to get you some ibuprofen?"

Lena waved off the inquiry, "No, no. I just...give me a second and then we can get ready to meet up with them."

Kara's expression eased slightly, "Okay, I'll call them and tell them we'll be downtown in about thirty minutes."

* * *

"Lena!"

Her ears perked up at her name, her attention departing from her wife and daughter to...

"Lex," she breathed, giving him a small smile.

"Why the long face?" he asked, chortling as he greeted Lori by ruffling a hand through her hair.

"Lena said she had a headache," Kara answered, "She might be overworking again."

"I wouldn't have handed my position to you if I knew you'd be so stressed," Lex teased.

"I think you had her inherit LuthorCorp 'cause  _you_  couldn't handle the stress, son."

"Dad!" Lex whined as Lionel joined the group, patting him on the back.

"Your father makes a good point, Lena's done an amazing job nurturing the family company," Lillian added with a joyful smile directed to her daughter, "She's changed the world, found a cure for cancer, created a transmatter portal, practically ended poverty with that invention, and that's only a few of her accomplishments. I'm proud of you."

Lena flushed at the praise, and for some reason it felt unfamiliar—foreign—like those words should never have come out of that woman's mouth.

"Up!" Lori shouted, standing on the tips of her toes with her arms wide open, "Grandpa!"

"Oh no! I'm too old to carry you now, kiddo! You're so big now!" Lionel laughed at the girl's scowl, pinching her cheeks.

Lillian tugged her husband's arm towards the restaurant, "Come, let's eat," her focus diverted to her daughter, "Lena? Stop gawking, we're all hungry here."

Kara gripped her wife's hand and dragged her in, "Come on."

Lori followed with a tug to the sleeve of her trench coat, "Mom, let's go! I'm starving!"

Lena blinked dazedly, still momentarily fazed by the loving attention she received from her mother.

It made an out-of-place feeling of uneasiness pool within her chest.

"Uh, yeah, of course," she grinned at Lori and ignored her doubts, "Let's go, sweetheart."

"Oh, I'll join you guys in five or ten minutes," Kara added, scanning the area.

"Your ears picked something up?" Lex inquired with a chuckle, lifting Lori onto his shoulders, "You could be more subtle about x-raying the city you know."

"Come back in five minutes if you want dessert," Lillian chimed in, smirking, "Or else Lori gets extra."

"Go, Mommy! Get the bad guys!" the girl cheered, "Not too fast though, I want extra dessert."

Kara placed her hands on her hips and stared up at her daughter perched upon her brother-in-law's shoulders, "We'll see about that."

Lionel gave the blonde a wide grin, "Go get 'em, Supergirl," he winked, "Save the day."

Lillian laughed and shook her head, mumbling, "She's definitely not getting dessert..."

Lena watched in shock as Kara disappeared into the crowd of pedestrians, a second later a loud whistle and a bang followed suit as the sound barrier was broken, a streak of red and blue darting across her vision.

She could not shake the feeling that something was entirely wrong about what just happened.

* * *

The couple walked into their home, Lena and Lori hand-in-hand, Kara lagging behind with her arms crossed and a pout embittering her expression.

Lena patted Lori's shoulder, "Sweetheart, did you have fun with Lex and your grandparents?"

The girl nodded enthusiastically, "We went to the park with Uncle Clark, his parents, and Aunt Lois to have a picnic and play with Krypto! Did you have fun with your friends, Mom?" then she addressed Kara, "Mommy?"

"We both had a lot of fun," Lena smiled, "We played a game called billiards."

"The one with the big sticks and the balls with the numbers on them?"

She nodded, "Yeah. I was teamed up with Mommy, Winn, and J'onn. We were up against Alex, Maggie, James, and Mon-El."

"What about Grandma Alura and Auntie Astra?"

"They decided to spectate and spend time with Zor-El and Non," she hummed, "Jack decided to be scorekeeper."

"You guys lost, didn't you?" Lori giggled.

"Now, what makes you say that?" Lena asked.

"Winn is really bad at that game."

"So is Mon-El," she countered weakly.

"You're not denying it, so you  _did_  lose."

"Okay, smartie pants, get ready for bed. It's late."

Lori obeyed and grinned triumphantly, giving her mothers kisses on their cheeks before skipping away.

Lena noticed her wife still had a pout on her face and teased, "Still upset you didn't have dessert?" Maybe we can get some next time, we can call up Eliza and Jeremiah."

Kara grumbled, "No, I'm not upset. Hah! What makes you think I'm upset?"

"Gee, well, maybe it's 'cause of that frown, grumpy," Lena chuckled, tapping her nose then flicking between her brows, "Or that crinkle."

Kara jerked away and muttered, rubbing the traitorous spot rapidly, "Stupid crinkle..."

"It's okay, I can make you some dessert," Lena reassured, "How does ice cream and cookies sound?"

Before she could head to the kitchen, she was suddenly pressed up against the wall, thigh pressed between her legs.

"I know what I want for dessert," Kara breathed.

Lena shuddered at the heat that tickled the hollow of her throat, "Fuck, Lori is—"

She let out a small gasp at the rush of air and suddenly her back hit the cushions of their bed, a hand playing with the waistband of her pants.

"Well," Kara murmured into her ear, "I guess we better be quiet then."

"Do you want to scar Lori for life if she walks in on us?" Lena whispered harshly, choking out a grunt when a tongue left a wet trail over her collarbone, "Shit," she clawed down broad shoulders, bulky back muscles, and jerked her hips when the body pressed on top of her shuddered.

"Lena?"

The weight pressed on top of her hastily disappeared and a loud crash outside echoed. Lena rushed out of the room, eyes widening when she saw Supergirl attack Kara, flinging her across the living room. Her wife's back crumbled the plaster off upon contact.

"I..." Lena looked back and forth between the two identical women, one in khakis and a button-up, the other in the red and blue Supergirl suit.

"Lena!" the hero shouted, panic in her eyes, "You have to wake up! This isn't real!"

They all stumbled when the ground began to shake.

"Don't listen to her!" her wife screamed, "She's a clone! Stay back!"

"Mommy?"

"Honey!" Kara rushed in front of her daughter, looking at Lena, "You and Lori need to go, I can take care of the intruder!"

"I'm the  _real_  Kara!" Supergirl countered, darting her gaze for any form of proof. Then her eyes landed on the kitchen counter, "Lena! You  _know_  I  _hate_  kale! We went for lunch just last Saturday for kombucha at that new vegan place. Do you remember? I spit out the kale while I thought you weren't looking?"

There was another deep grumble, a powerful force shattering the glass windows.

"Lena!" Kara called out more forcefully, tugging Lori closer to her side, reaching a hand out, "Come here!"

Supergirl shook her head, "Don't listen to her! I know how tempting this is, Lena, I do! I was under the Black Mercy, I lost my parents, my planet, all over again!"

"What do you mean?" Kara argued, "Krypton is fine! We established trade with Earth! My family is alive! She's lying, Lena!"

They all clambered for support as the base of the house shook violently again.

"They're..." Supergirl was speechless, "Everyone's alive here?" she looked at her best friend, "Your perfect world has Krypton and my family?"

Lena glanced up, her green eyes somber, "Your happiness is important to me, it's a part of my ideal world."

Supergirl offered her hand, planting her feet on the ground firmly and hanging onto a counter for leverage, "Let's go back."

Lena hesitated momentarily, coaxed in by the soft voice, but paused when she glanced back at her wife and daughter.

"Mom! Don't leave!" Lori sobbed.

"She doesn't know you like I do!" Kara screamed, "You save National City and she leaves without a goodbye? You save the world from an invasion and she neglects to  _thank_  you again?"

Kara's expression hardened, her voice grew slightly warped as she spat a roar out, "How many times have you tried to kill yourself and she wasn't there for you? How many times have you poisoned yourself with alcohol 'cause she didn't trust you enough to tell you about her Supergirl escapades until months later? How many times have you questioned your self-worth and you had no shoulder to cry on 'cause  _she_ ," Kara glared menacingly at Supergirl, "was the only friend you had? She will  _never_  understand you— _never_  love you the way I do!"

Lena flinched at the hurtful words, a strangled sob clawing out of her throat.

"I know..." she murmured quietly, the chaos surrounding them swallowing up the whisper.

"I'm sorry, Darling... This is just a fantasy, a beautiful dream," Lena sniffed, shaking her head—she had duties, obligations, and responsibilities in reality—she could not stay, "Unfortunately this is temporary. I should've known this was too good to be true."

She turned to her savior, waiting for further instructions.

"I-I'm sorry, Lena," Supergirl apologized, "I'm not...I can't give you this life, I can't—"

"I know, Kara. I'd never ask this of you. You were never supposed to know," she murmured, masking her heartbreak with a small smile, "But it's okay. Let's just go."

The rejection was expected, but it still unleashed wave after wave of pain inside her, nonstop, the next exponentially more painful than the last.

She grasped Supergirl's hand and everything imploded, overwhelming her vision with bright white light.

* * *

Lena shot up with a gasp, jerking away violently when the Black Mercy slithered off of her torso and withered on the floor, dying with a whisper.

"—na."

She stared at it and swung her legs around so they dangled off of the bench, continuing to stare even with the DEO agents prodding her body and checking her vitals.

"—ena."

She blinked tiredly, the exhaustion finally catching up to her body and seeping all the strength left in her muscles to her bones.

"Lena!"

Her head snapped up, away from the parasite, eyes connecting with a pair of blue ones wrinkled in concern.

"Are you okay?" Kara asked, inching closer to her friend. She placed her hand atop hers and rubbed it gently, soothingly.

Lena flinched and pulled away, gaze dipping to the floor at Kara's hurt reaction. Her vision traveled back to the emptiness that once held the dead Black Mercy on its polished tiles, now retrieved and discarded by the agents.

It was a haunting sight, the Luthor's eyes sunken in, her cheeks gaunt with how much time she was under the parasite's influence, with how much life it sucked out of her body. She must have been starving and thirsty, the weariness sluggishly catching up to her. She looked weak, her sigh small and shaky to complement the trembling of her body in the aftermath of the trauma.

"Miss Luthor," a doctor cleared her throat, "I recommend you stay for observation, we—"

"No."

Everyone in the room did a double-take.

"I'm going home," Lena croaked hoarsely, leaving no room for argument. There were no tears and her face was expressionless, but the dark circles under her eyes communicated sheer defeat.

"I'll take you," Kara offered.

"No," Lena rejected hastily, "I'll call my driver."

"Oh." The voice sounded sad, disappointed.

She slid off the bench, swaying when her feet hit the ground, the blonde heroine allowing her to lean against her shoulders.

"I'll help you outside," came the next offer, more hopeful that it would be accepted.

Lena recoiled, "No. I can handle myself."

Kara's lips parted, slightly agape at the second rejection, "I..." she whispered brokenly, taking several reluctant steps back to give her friend space, "Okay..."

Lena glanced at J'onn and nodded tersely, "Thank you."

The Martian returned the gesture, something akin to pity shining in the depths of his aged eyes as Lena left the room in a hurry.

"Did you see what happened?" Alex inquired, folding her arms next to her boss.

"I didn't  _see_  everything, just a flash, but I  _felt_  what happened. It was hard not to," he grunted, voice gruff.

"Well?" Alex asked, "Care to elaborate?"

J'onn sighed, glancing over to Kara's forlorn expression, "It's not my place to say. I wasn't supposed be in her mind, I didn't want to, but the range of her emotions were so erratic they pulled me in no matter how hard I tried to fight it."

He was psychic, and with that came the simultaneous gift and curse of empathy.

J'onn experienced unrequited love in his many hundred years of living, and he never thought he would encounter someone with more pain than his own regarding that, especially that of someone who had only lived around two or three decades compared to his many centuries.

J'onn was wrong. Lena's pain was shut in, coupled with other issues she had to sweep under the rug that exponentially made it more painful. The bottled emotions were finally leaking, and he could not imagine what it would feel like if it finally shattered open.

"Everyone, get back to work," J'onn ordered, then he turned to Alex, still reeling from the emotions forced upon him, "I...need a moment. I'll be back."

The woman gave him a strange look as he left— _fled_ , "Um, okay. Kara? What happened?"

Her little sister's shoulders slumped, a somber expression coloring her features, tears finally dripping from the corners of her eyes.

* * *

Lena did not go home.

She never had any intention to isolate herself in her secluded penthouse, and decided to go to L-Corp and resume work right away.

Not that it was surprising. She would much rather be alone in her office knowing she was surrounded by her workers and knowing that Jess was just outside being an exemplary secretary as usual. Even though she was a more vulnerable target in the heart of National City, the remote location in the forested outskirts where her luxurious abode sat comfortably was, in all honesty, uncomfortable.

Lena did not want to be alone, she did not trust herself to be, especially with what happened.

And now all her paperwork was done and it was not even eleven yet—she needed the distraction of productivity.

"You can go home, Jess."

Her secretary's brows arched in surprise, "Are you sure, Miss Luthor? You just returned after your..." she hesitated, "...'temporary leave of absence' according to the media. I'm worried about your safety—"

"I'll be fine," Lena cut in, a small smile gracing her lips, "You can finish planning upcoming events for me this month and you can be on your way."

Jess acquiesced, sensing the tone, how it was a demand rather than a grant of permission or a request, "Have a good night, Miss Luthor."

"You as well."

The double-doors shut with a heavy click, and Lena finally released her businesswoman persona and slumped into her chair with a burdensome sigh, flicking her glass cup of water with her fingers, reveling in the resounding clink it made. Her attention diverted, almost embarrassingly so, towards her alcohol cabinet once her mind even breached the vague thought of a certain blue-eyed, blonde woman with glasses and nightly crusading cape.

Her resistance was broken and she sauntered over to the cabinet, swinging it open and retrieving a bottle of bourbon, opening it and chugging a gulp of its contents. The uncultured sight was so shocking that anyone who witnessed probably would have had to look twice to see the normally proper Luthor so unkempt.

Lena sank back into her chair, setting the alcohol down her desk with a thump, the force sloshing the liquid out of the opening and spilling it on her stacks of papers.

She snatched them away and huffed in frustration, setting the files aside to a dryer section of her desk before continuing her toxic indulgence.

* * *

"Lena!"

She jolted awake, immediately groaning at the pounding headache that pulsed in her skull. She blinked a few times, adjusting her eyes to the bright light that shined through her windows.

She was still in her office, sitting in her desk, she concluded that she must have fallen asleep during her unhealthy coping mechanism.

Lena winced at her secretary's alarmed expression, matching the abject horror on Kara's face at the scene of smashed glass and bottles, shards strewn across the table and floor due to Lena's fury. She did not even remember what happened.

Her heart raced, she must have looked absolutely awful, and she silently wished that her friend had seen her in the midst of her alcohol binge rather than the aftermath of it. Lena felt humiliated and pathetic; she obscured her face with her hand and dark curtain of tangled hair, covering her smudged lipstick and mascara that ran down her cheeks due to her crying. Her eyes felt irritated and puffy and probably were quite red, she could only imagine the pitiful sight.

At least her nose was no longer stuffy.

"Jess, please escort Miss Danvers out of the building," she ordered, calming the tremors in her voice.

Kara frowned, crestfallen, "Lena..."

The protest was weak.

"I'm so sorry for what happened, I shouldn't have invaded your privacy like—"

A dark look flashed across Lena's jaded green eyes, face slightly souring at the topic, her lips puckered almost as if she could taste the bitterness of the situation.

Jess alternated her nervous glances back and forth between the two women, feeling as if she was intruding on a private matter, but she found herself unable to move, the awkwardness tethering her to the floor.

"Please. Leave," Lena repeated, swiveling her chair around, away from the two women almost scrutinizing her unprofessional appearance.

There was a series of footsteps, one heavier than the other pair, and before the door closed, Lena cleared her throat.

"Jess. Stay."

She turned back around, her secretary pulling her foot back into the room before shutting entrance.

"Yes, Miss Luthor?" she asked, tentative and careful. The fact that her tone tiptoed around Lena's current fragility sort of irked her.

"Revoke Miss Danvers' access to my office unless I give explicit permission or she has an appointment made."

Kara probably could hear at her distance with her super hearing, and given the circumstances she was likely eavesdropping. Lena took a moment to feel remorse before solidifying her resolve.

"Oh," Jess sounded surprised, "A-Are you sure?"

She was uneasy, and she knew the extent of their friendship, how her boss seemed lighter since Kara came into the picture.

Lena raised a brow."

"R-Right away, Miss Luthor," Jess nodded stiffly.

Lena grimaced, burying her face into her hands when her headache came back with a nauseating vengeance.

She rushed into the nearest bathroom stall and vomited into the toilet bowl, her stomach emptying its contents from yesterday, which was exactly three small cups of water, a kale salad, and a ridiculous amount of liquor.

Hangovers were a bitch.

"Miss Luthor?"

"Jess," she rasped, hearing her secretary's echo from the end of the bathroom, "Can you get me some ibupro—"

Lena was interrupted when she heard some pills rattle in a container.

_Always one step ahead._

"I'm setting it on the counter, Miss Luthor. Along with a glass of water," Jess gave her a knowing and expectant look, "I'll be outside if you need anything else."

"Thank you. You're a lifesaver."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Constructive criticism appreciated.**


	2. Isolation

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on FF as Local-Asshole.**

#  Isolation

* * *

One week after the unsightly incident, Lena had accumulated approximately sixty or seventy missed calls, around a little over a hundred text messages, and exactly forty-two voicemails that were undoubtedly filled with her best friend's panicked voice all from the same person.

Kara Danvers.

Lena never answered, replied, nor opened any of them.

Kara attempted to visit as Supergirl, and Lena often heard that telltale whoosh of wind outside her now lead-lined shutters and new lead-lined walls around her office.

Lena needed to her privacy, but she gave Kara some mercy, a semblance of hope with only three words.

"I need time."

Then all the incessant attempts at contact stopped, of which Lena was grateful and relieved, now able to mind her own business and drink herself to near-death on an everyday occasion—more often at her office or abode than a bar because she was more partial to the absence of a gawking audience.

Then the back-and-forth texts started up again after a while, Lena being more blunt and succinct and less likely to respond, but it was an improvement nonetheless. Never did her interactions with Kara move beyond superficial texts though; there were the basic small talk starters and formalities and that was pretty much what all their conversations consisted of since. Rarely did they delve into deeper subjects as Lena was often opposed to the idea of any part of their casual catch-ups leading to the fateful day. Kara seemed to want to talk about it though, Lena could see the desperation for resolution in those pretty blue eyes, but she shot it down the moment she felt it surface. Eventually, Kara gave up trying to ease their conversations towards what happened, Lena fooling her more and more each passing day.

Finally, after a month of mental and emotional recovery, she was ready, building up indestructible figurative walls around every inch of herself.

Lena once again donned the impassive mask of the CEO—it was impressive how much easier she was able to mimic other emotions, a pretense that tricked most, because Kara needed more convincing than a terse 'I'm fine' and a neutral face.

Then again, her ability to listen to heartbeats often gave Lena away, so she learned to control that too as well as the very unhelpful stench of alcohol that melded into her clothes and skin—her water bill curved upwards in those recent events.

A week after that first month she had successfully fooled Kara into thinking they were 'okay' and 'back together stronger than ever'. And maybe she fooled herself even.

Lena chuckled, to no one in particular, and at how naive Kara was. She knocked back her fourth shot and flagged the bartender down for another and another and yet  _another_ , indulging her sorrows in secret for the fifth time this week.

At least the liquor was good, maybe that was the only reason she continued to agree to Kara's invitations to spend time together at her favorite alien hideout bar. Only this time the lovely blonde was a no-show. Again. Guess she would keep herself company, and Lena did not blame Kara, she was a superhero after all, she had more important things to do than hang out with a Luthor. Still though, it made her wonder why she was the only one of Kara's friends that was the most 'excluded' for lack of a better word. Lena was always the one who was ditched or rescheduled last minute, even though her time as a CEO was precious and priceless—and Kara was the only one who could afford it, yet Kara was also the one who often dictated their plans, leaving on a whim whenever she desired, but sparing time for everyone else. But Lena was rational, because everyone else either worked for the DEO or were federal officers. She understood, but eventually that darker side of her mind would overshadow everything else.

She also knew that everyone was cautious of Kara's bond with a Luthor of all people, she saw the doubt in their eyes, especially from Alex, Clark, Maggie, and James on top of the public vitriol she already got.

People hated her, believed she deserved the worst, and she was raised in a family where her mother had the same notion, then it was Lex who was next, and he was the last person Lena thought would betray her.

Now she had come to terms with it, come to accept the fact that maybe she did deserve bad things. She would always be sidelined, and she should have only relied on herself from the very beginning. But she knew she would always be swayed by a particular pair of blue eyes.

Lena heaved a sigh and slumped over, propped her head up with her hands as her elbows found firm support on the bar.

Maybe it was because Lena was just a last choice, or not even one at all, and the thought did not surprise her in the least. She did not matter to anyone, and she was foolish to allow herself to believe for even a second that Kara cared—she had many friends, Lena's mind convinced itself the blonde was just friends with her for convenience. It made perfect sense too, considering Supergirl could keep an eye on a potential Luthor threat. Kara did not care. Nobody did.

The Supergirl secret was only disclosed due to extenuating circumstances that forced it out. Kara did not tell of her own volition, and maybe never even planned to—and that very thought cut bone deep.

Luckily for the Luthor, she only ever received hostile and wary looks from the bar patrons. Except for the bartender, M'gann, who she thought was probably psychic seeing as how she was one step ahead of all her orders, and was also the only one with a sympathetic expression.

Lena shook her head, banishing the thoughts from her mind, repeating an inward mantra that she  _was_ cared for and  _was_  deserving of it.

But those chants that were created to reassure had been weakening as time went on, crumbling in the Black Mercy's clutches. She could still feel the parasite on her chest, weighing down heavily, latching its tentacles and probes into her nerves.

Its physicality was long gone, but its influence remained, beating down her conscience day after day.

"Lena?"

She froze, her back stiffening so that it was ramrod straight.

_Impeccable timing._

Turns out Kara was not a no-show, just fashionably late on the most extreme end of the spectrum.

Lena plastered on a soft smile, forced it to tilt at the corners and glanced at the bartender momentarily, receiving a needed nod of encouragement.

_Is my smile okay?_

The self-conscious thought invaded her mind, M'gann again giving her a soft grin.

_Definitely psychic._

The bartender winked and Lena could not help but timidly smile back.

"I'm so sorry I'm late!" Kara apologized, "You know how it goes with the..." she leaned closer to her friend's ear, "...superhero-ing and all. But it looks like you got started without me! Great!"

Kara's excited grin faltered when she saw the amount of empty glasses stacked neatly near her friend.

"A-Are you okay?"

Lena's smile was so forced it became crooked.

"Yeah. I'm fine. The alcohol here is just  _so_  good," she lied, slurring her tone brightly.

"Okay," Kara beamed, "I'll be in the bathroom for a minute. Be right back!"

She darted off.

Lena's gaze landed on M'gann, who had a slightly concerned and disappointed expression that pretty much said 'you have to talk about things—communicate your feelings'.

Lena felt herself internally scoff.

_Over my dead body._

"Luthor!"

She felt her entire body chill, numb and made inert with fear.

The voice was warped and had a peculiar accent, like it did not belong on Earth.

Lena kept her head down and shrunk, ignoring the voice.

But it sounded again, angrier and vexed, "Hey! Luthor!"

And suddenly she was flying from her stool, sailing to the other side of the room. Her body slammed against the wall and she fell to the ground in a breathless heap.

Lena managed a gasp of pain as she got to her hands and knees, head addled with disorientation. Then she groaned when a tendril wrapped around her throat and lifted her into the air, pushing her back against the wall and pinning her there with its strength.

Then there was a blunt force against her gut, the pressure on her throat releasing a moment later to prop her up by her waist instead. Lena hacked a series of coughs out and doubled over in pain, vomiting her alcohol back up and splattering it all over the cleaned floor.

_What a waste._

She dry-heaved, retching out the taste and smell in the back of her throat.

"That's for my family you worthless Luthor!"

Then something smacked the side of her face, and she instantly felt blood pouring from her nostril and a split lip. She spit the red liquid out, and it joined the previously consumed alcohol on the floor.

There was a searing pain in her left eye, she could feel it swelling and shutting.

Then Lena registered a blur followed by a loud crash, and the offending alien lost its grip on her and she sank to the floor, wheezing to catch her breath.

Kara was in front of her within a split second, scanning her body, "Thank Rao, nothing's broken, but you've got some bad bruises. Let's get out of here. My apartment is only ten minutes away."

Lena was being helped out of the building, her surroundings spinning, and she overheard M'gann chewing the customer out.

"Listen, you may be new here, but this is  _my_  bar and you knew  _very_  well that was uncalled for. The next time a similar incident like this occurs..."

Lena shook her head dazedly, the rest of M'gann's lecture fading from her ears.

* * *

"Let me see," Kara murmured, kneeling at the edge of her bed, careful hands gently caressing her friend's cheeks to get a better look at the developing black eye.

Lena flinched, scooting farther away, the proximity too close for comfort.

"S-Sorry," Kara apologized, mumbling, "Does it hurt?"

The Luthor winced, pulling the bag of ice from her eye, making a tiny hiss, "I'm fine. Just a little winded still."

Kara frowned guiltily, "I should've been there. I should've gotten to you faster instead of dilly dallying around the crime scen—"

"It's not your fault, there was a homicide," Lena said softly in understanding, "I get it."

"Are you sure you're okay?" she repeated.

"I'm fine," came the same answer.

Concern knit Kara's brows together, but she relented the interrogation, a small smile curling her lips upward, "How about a movie? My couch hasn't been worn in for like a week."

Lena sighed thankfully, glancing at the time on her watch, her vowels long and jittery due to the alcohol, "It's one in the morning, I have to be at work by seven at the latest."

Kara frowned, pouting, "Aw, okay."

After a hot shower to soothe her new bruises, she moved to the direction of the couch.

"Nope, you're sleeping on the bed with me."

Lena felt herself panic, "But—"

"No 'buts', I'm not letting an injured guest rest on my couch."

Her protest was caught in her throat at the sight of the hard look Kara gave her.

"Fine," she breathed, shuffling to slip into the bed, tensing when the soreness of her body increased with the movement. Once she comfortably settled face-first into the cushions, she sighed with relief, her muscles relaxing and her exhaustion dominating her mind.

She felt the bed dip when her friend joined in, shimmying closer. Lena forced herself not to tense, Kara was always a tactile and fidgety person, communicating with touch most of the time. She focused on her breathing, slow and steady, the only thing within the stretching silence between them.

"Do you think I'm worth it?" Lena wondered, her slur muffled into her pillow. It was not so much her doubting her friend, but her doubting herself. She wanted someone to say 'yes' and prove Lillian—her own  _mother_ —wrong. Lena's mind flashed to the scathing remarks and criticisms to her as a child and she grimaced. The memories of the emotional abuse and back and took a toll on her psyche.

"Don't be ridiculous, why would you even ask that?" Kara laughed lightheartedly, "That's such a silly question."

Lena's eyes drooped, her shoulders slumping and her expression fallen. She shifted under her blanket and turned away to hide her silent tears.

She knew Kara did not mean any harm with the offhanded sound of her reply, did not mean to seemingly write it off as 'silly'; it was perhaps Kara's way of saying yes, that the Luthor was deserving in every way. But maybe Lena needed to hear the reassurance straight from her only friend's lips—she had no one else with whom she shared a close relationship to grant her such luxury.

_Maybe Jess counts._

She internally laughed at herself at the pathetic thought.

"You're right. 'Silly question'," Lena repeated with a breathy chuckle, feeling the wetness glide down her cheeks and sink into the fabric of her pillow. It took all of her willpower not to sound so broken.

Several moments of quiet passed, and Lena basked in the aching loneliness she felt strangling her heart, constricting her torso so that the oxygen in her lungs were depleted and her airway was choked.

Her sorrow was suffocating.

Suddenly her eye was no longer the only thing that was sore. Now her chest was too, coiling tightly, caving in on itself.

Then she resigned, body limp with defeat.

_Maybe I'm not worth it after all._

* * *

It was a little past five when Lena's internal clock eased her out of her deep slumber. She sat up, popped her neck to diminish the tension, cracked her knuckles, and stretched her body. She yawned quietly, noticing how Kara was snuggled up, her sprawling taking the majority of the space available.

_Maybe that's why I'm so sore._

Lena felt a smile pulling at the tips of her lips, a warm feeling settling in her chest at how domestic the sight was. The moment that thought encroached her mind, her emotions soured, embittered by the daunting reality of her situation—the realization that she would never have the Black Mercy fantasy.

The worst part of the aftermath was never Kara's rejection; Lena might have been lovesick, but not everything revolved around the blonde. And within the parasite, the best part was never the reciprocated love, it was one of the gears that aided with creating the ideal world in the dream. Jack was alive and still in her life as a good friend. Lionel was alive and was the opposite of indifferent to the existence of Lena.

And there was the fact that she simultaneously was and was not a Luthor.

The name stood for goodness, the best that Earth had to offer of its inhabitants, because the family had helped and accepted others—it was not reality's Luthors. And Lena was enough of one for her family to genuinely love her and not succumb to xenophobic insanity. With them, she felt like she would not fall from an unreciprocated infatuation, like in that dream world her friendship with Kara would not gradually tear away her soul because she had a support system other than her pretty little crush. But in reality, it was the opposite, the rejection Lena faced from her  _only_  positive connection was unfathomable; Kara just like everyone else who chose something else, someone else, like Lionel, Lillian, Lex...even Jack.

Her family  _loved_  her in the Black Mercy. Gave her an infinite amount of support. Kara's friends, which were also Lena's in that world, accepted her and loved her like family. National City housed one of the greatest minds—people adored her. Poverty was eradicated, finances were stable, equality was firmly established, natural disasters were neutralized, and the environment was healthy all because of LuthorCorp's innovative milestones. She had a daughter—she was a mother. Lena often worried about her parenting skills due to her family background, but in that separate world, she knew what to do; if she did not, she had Lionel and Lillian, her own  _parents_ ,  _especially_ the latter in particular to help and give her tips on raising a child to adulthood—avoiding the emotional turmoil, psychological trauma, and physical scars that summed up Lena's life since her adoption.

Then Kara had her family, had Krypton, and her smile had never been more scintillating than in that fantasy.

Lena's lips twitched when she felt her eyes burn with unshed tears, when she felt the itch in her fingers to brush Kara's beautiful blonde locks behind her ears and wait for her eyes to open, to showcase the sapphire gems hidden behind the fluttering lids. Then she remembered the lovely fantasy, how she was able to wake up with this sight and soaring feeling within her chest every day. Now as time passed, as Lena saw Kara again and again, her heart would ache with exponential pain.

Her eyes widened slightly, a flicker of insight dashing across her expression, her heart picking up its pace at the enlightenment.

She knew what she wanted, what she had to do, to achieve happiness that was.

Lena slowly removed herself from the mattress, Kara's soft snoring and heavy sleeping leaving her undisturbed. She took one last good look at the hero, then left with a goal she resolved to achieve, phone pinned between her shoulder and ear as she rushed out to her driver.

"Jess?"

The secretary's voice crackled on the other end of the line, "Yes, Miss Luthor?"

"I need you to notify L-Corp's research division. I want a small team of scientists to help me look for something."

"What should I tell them they'll be looking for?"

Lena paused, "Right now, tell them it's a special alien species I've developed a keen interest in. However, they're fragile and their life span is quite short, but I need specimens, at least one."

"How much—"

"I don't care how much money is invested," Lena interrupted hastily, "There's no budget."

"What's the purpose of the creature's experimentation?"

"Not really experimentation," Lena licked her lips, entering the vehicle and motioning the driver to head towards her company, "More like observing. It's for a...personal matter. I just need it in my private lab—I'm the only one that's going to take a look at it. I'll give you and everyone else a brief later, I'm fifteen minutes away."

"I'll get started right away, Miss Luthor. What's the name of the alien?"

A hopeful glint shined in Lena's green eyes, "It's called the Black Mercy here on Earth. I'll provide other common translations and alternative names later to make it easier to track down, but until then gather up the best of the research division to make a small team."

* * *

Lena began to grow impatient at the constant empty turnouts, and the wait was nagging at her, leaving her preoccupied with its delay—her shroud of fake contentment began to disappear, and Kara was noticing things; she was being a tiny bit more skeptical, especially with Lena's inability to pay attention to their conversations lately, so Kara had to often repeat herself. Then she would often check her phone, as if she was expecting a message or call, and a look of disappointment crossed her features every time nothing showed up on her notifications. Lena seldom engaged in their conversations anymore, nodding and humming along, but once Kara tried to switch the topics around to focus on her friend, Lena would quickly try to switch it back. She was a little less eager, a little more detached, a distant and forlorn expression permanently etched into her sharp features. Her voice was less enthusiastic, more monotone, but there were times when she attempted to inject lightheartedness into her words, but those grew more rare as time passed.

It was disheartening to watch, and momentarily Kara wondered if Lena was still affected by what happened with the Black Mercy, but then she shook her head and reminded herself it was three months ago, surely she would have gotten over what transpired.

Kara unfortunately noticed how much weight Lena lost, a little more gaunt, her cheeks and eye sockets sunken and caved to color her sleepiness. Kara was even more alarmed at Lena's casual refusal to order anything during their recent brunches with a nonchalant wave of her hand, claiming she had eaten earlier. At first she took the excuse, but then it happened more and more and she decided to participate in some stealthy sleuthing.

Another time Lena excused herself from ordering anything citing it was because she munched on a salad earlier, Kara had known that was not the case—she checked, flying over as Supergirl.

"I know you didn't eat anything."

"What?" Lena seemed alarmed, posture straightening, and Kara could feel the stiffness of her friend next to her despite the cushions of the booth.

"I, uh, flew past a couple of times to fight some crime. I may have noticed you didn't really eat anything," Kara stated the little lie.

Lena frowned at being caught, "Oh. I...uh..."

The blonde leaned closer, expectant.

"I just haven't been feeling—er—too hungry lately," she dipped her head, focusing on her fingers twiddling atop her lap. She knew she had to play it smart because her heartbeat usually could give her away, so she told the truth, at least partially.

"I have a new project I'm working on in my private lab, so..."

"You don't have employees do that for you? You already work too hard."

"It's a personal project," Lena said softly, her lips pressed into a grim smile.

Kara grinned proudly, elbowing her friend next to her on the booth, "Another life-changing invention?"

Lena turned her head to the side, momentarily connecting their eyes, and gave a crooked smile, "We'll see, but I'm positive it'll change at least one person's."

"That's amazing of you, not that I'm surprised, I love you so much, Lena," Kara wrapped an arm around her friend and squeezed tightly, thinking nothing of the tension that overtook her friend's body at the words and intimate gesture. Lena briefly looked away, feeling shame creep up her spine when she could not say those words back, not without them meaning the way Kara meant them, not without hurting herself.

"Don't stress too much," the hero added, "You need something else other than paperwork on your plate. You're sharing my eggs and pancakes and then we're going to have a slumber party!"

Lena forced another grin out, "I'm swamped with work tonight actually."

Kara pouted and folded her arms, "Aw, fine. Next time then?"

Lena continued to hold the begrudging smile.

"Of course. Next time," she lied.

She ate the entirety of her half of the eggs and pancakes, much to Kara's delight. That was the least she could do.

* * *

"I think—no—I  _know_  she's pulling away, Alex. I don't know what's wrong. I'm worried about her." Kara ran her fingers through her hair in distress, "I just..."

"Are you sure she isn't just busy? She's a CEO after all. I'm sure she has a lot to deal with especially since she's a Luthor," the agent replied, slightly menacing.

Kara frowned bitterly, "Alex, we've talked about this, she's not like Lex. She's kind and good and—"

"Clark thought highly of Lex too, before he decided to kill him and massacre aliens."

Kara folded her arms defiantly, "Lena would never do that."

Alex shook her head, "I trust you, Kara, we all do—Maggie, James, Winn...but just be careful, okay?"

"She's my best friend."

"That happens to be a Luthor who knows your secret identity, and not a lot of agents at the DEO like that. Neither do I."

"It was my choice to tell her. I don't regret doing it."

Alex sighed, "I sure hope not."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Constructive criticism appreciated.**


	3. Nightmare

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _I'm so fucking sorry._
> 
> _Lol, not really. Have fun suffering, bitches._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on FF as Local-Asshole.**

# Nightmare

* * *

Kara's concern skyrocketed when her time spent with Lena grew scarcer and scarcer with each passing day—it had been another passing month, making it four since the Black Mercy incident. But since then she had been launching numerous beneficial programs and humanitarian projects all over the world within her branches. She was busy doing good, and Kara could not blame her absence for it.

"I know you probably don't want to hear this," Alex started, "But Winn and I have been tracking several L-Corp—"

" _What_?" Kara cut in with a glare.

Alex raised a finger, "Let me finish. I know you and Lena are friends, but I think she's up to something."

She nodded away towards the computers, walking off, "Let's head to the terminals, Winn will provide some more intel."

Kara took a deep breath and sighed, her expression hardening as she trails behind her sister, "What makes you think that Lena is up to something?"

"L-Corp activity and product transportation has been...erratic. Most of the time the boats or trucks rotate and...well, nothing has been consistent recently," Alex explained, "Winn found out Lena hired several researchers and exhausted a lot of money to find something, and she's  _desperate_  for it. We don't know what it is she's interested in, but I don't like where this is leading."

Kara's lips pressed into a thin line, "Lena is  _not_  her family, Alex."

"I'm asking you to be cautious," the agent retorted in frustration, "Don't let your guard down around her, I'm not asking you to avoid her, we know that's not going to happen. I'm only asking you to look out for anything suspicious, no matter how trivial it seems. I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt too, that is until we found out she was purchasing lead."

Kara's brows furrowed, "She wouldn't do anything to hurt me."

A disappointed and exasperated expression took over Alex at her little sister's naive faith.

Kara's lips formed a pursed line, "I trust her. Lead doesn't hurt."

"But it hides," Alex argued, "Lena doesn't want even  _you_  to know what she's up to," she scoffed, "That's it? Really? No evidence to counter her suspicious activity? You have to be more convincing than 'I trust her'."

They slowed their pace once they arrived at their destination, Winn with his back facing the two newcomers as he focused on the monitor while James was adorned in his Guardian outfit, his arms folded with a grave look on his face.

"I'm going to have to agree with Alex," he stated deeply.

"It took a little over a week," Winn piped up, "To hack L-Corp's firewall and the rest of its virtual security with a lot of trial and error, but I managed to get some order shipment information and some relatively sketchy attachments in emails sent by Lena."

"It doesn't sound good," James added, moving aside so Kara could step closer and observe, "We also used some resources and discovered the reason for the lead—she's constructed a bunker with walls lined with it. We had some agents scout around and Maggie do some detective work; there's no kryptonite, but you can't see inside. Lena wants her privacy for something, but we pinned the area under her contemporary home on the outskirts of National City."

Kara memorized the location.

"It's not hard to find, it's the only building in the middle of a plane of trees," Alex said, "What worries us is that all the activity suddenly halted yesterday; we believe she found what she was looking for."

"Some keywords are 'ater clementia', 'ieiu gynot', 'dol dokhahsh'," Winn informed, shaking his head, "And some other foreign alien languages we still need to decipher. We discovered this not long before Alex called you here."

Kara's eyes widened once she registered the horrendously butchered Kryptonese, "That's my native language, the spelling and writing is ancient though," she squinted her eyes, glazing then over the text, "Why is Lena looking for the Black Mercy?"

Alex's brows wrinkled, "Is she planning on cloning them? To use them on others? Or does she want to produce new species with the DNA?"

Kara waved off the suggestion instantly, brows crinkled, "No, she wouldn't do that. She wouldn't want to hurt people, she wouldn't use the Black Mercy on anyone."

Alex frowned, "Let's be realistic here, Kara, there should be at  _least_  one exception."

The Kryptonian shook her head, "No, she..."

Kara placed her hands on the table to steady herself and closed her eyes, sorting through any possible reason.

Her surroundings muffled into a distant echo in her concentration, drowning out the noise of Alex debating with the boys whether or not to notify J'onn immediately.

Then suddenly Kara's eyes snapped open, a gasp escaping her throat, heart racing in such a panic it made her lungs breathless.

"She  _wouldn't_. I need to go."

"Wait! Kara!" Alex called, but was met with a rush of wind whipping against her cheeks. She grumbled, activating her earpiece, "Kara! Don't just fly off like that!"

Kara felt the wind rushing through her hair and urged herself to fly faster, breaking the sound barrier with a thunderous boom.

Lena's abode stood out like a sore thumb within all the greenery, and Kara's enhanced vision slowed her to note there was no one home, but there was a sizable lead-lined room under the building.

"Kara!" Alex shouted through her earpiece, "What's going on? She could be luring you into a trap! Get back here, you might get hurt!"

" _I'm_  not the one in danger!" she growled back, touching down to the ground. She wasted no time admiring the extravagant architecture and broke through the entrance.

Kara surveyed the home for denser traces of lead she and dashed over to Lena's bedroom, pummeling the hidden door before zooming down. Her pulse was elevated, panicked, its beat so fast she felt like she would have a heart attack.

_I should've known._

"We're sending backup!" Alex notified.

"No! Don't send any!" Kara demanded.

There was a huff of anger, "Fine! But the moment I think things are going downhill I'm sending backup! Just keep the line on!"

Kara made her way down the corridor, her x-ray vision useless, but there were no other rooms besides one, and she looked down the hall to see Lena entering a cell with a wall of glass.

The woman turned, eyebrows arched slightly.

Kara bolted toward her, but just as her hands were about to shatter the wall, everything turned red and she slammed against it uselessly, the plexiglass vibrating from the force.

Kara stumbled back, then rammed her shoulder into the glass again with a roar, but it was no use.

"What's going on?" Alex's voice crackled.

Kara ignored her, instead looking into Lena's eyes across the barrier. "Please," her voice cracked, "Don't do this."

Her best friend smiled sadly, and she glanced behind her shoulder to the platform in the middle of the room, then back to the front.

They were mere inches away, the only thing separating them was a wall of plastic, and Kara was rendered human with the red sunlight emitters.

"Supergirl. I didn't think you'd actually figure things out and come," Lena said softly, "I'm glad I decided to install precautions then." Her expression was torn and hollow, like she wanted to cry but could not bring herself to do it.

"Why?" Kara asked, her voice broken.

There was a moment of tense silence, then a deep, trembling breath.

Lena averted her gaze shamefully, "I've never been enough. For anybody," she shook her head, lips quivering, "They would always choose someone else. Always. They didn't care. But then...then the Black Mercy—it made me—I mean...suddenly I  _was_ enough. For Lionel. For Lillian. For Lex. For myself."

She sighed, "I have to give people second chances here, where I get none in return—no one is willing to give me the opportunity to make the Luthor name good and instead slander me, spouting ignorant hate about me everywhere they go, everywhere  _I_  go."

She chuckled humorlessly, "Then I realized how unhappy I was living in this reality, that my biggest mistake was coming back to this hell, voluntarily sticking myself in this godforsaken cycle of anger and bitterness and pity. I  _hate_ it here," her voice cracked, choking the sound, "I don't want this anymore... But now I've found a solution. And the prospect makes me feel so...giddy," she smiled tightly, tears dripping from the corners of her eyes, "You don't have to worry though, I've handed L-Corp over to the DEO, all of its research and equipment and employees so they won't lose their jobs—everyone wins. Everyone will be happy."

"Lena," Kara begged, tears streaming down her cheeks, " _Listen_  to what you're saying, you're just desperate, not everyone will win and be happy if you do this.  _Please_  just step out of there and let me help you."

"They'll be happy," Lena argued softly, a forlorn and wistful glint in her eyes, "Your friends, just like almost everybody else, don't care for someone like me—someone who's one of the biggest threats to National City's beloved Girl of Steel. People all over the world will celebrate yet another  _crazed_ Luthor's death," she blinked back tears, her voice wavered, "I've made a device so Mon-El can return to Earth, it's been tested, you'll get him back—you'll be happier."

"No!" Kara shook her head in refusal, "Maybe...maybe that would've made me happy back then, maybe it might today, but I've recovered and moved on a long time ago—I've accepted that he's not coming back...I cherish the family and friends that I have  _now_ , Mon-El is in the past—he's gone," she swallowed the uneasy bile down her throat, " _You_ make me happy. You're my best friend! I can't—I can't lose you... I care about y—"

Lena's expression darkened, "Don't say that."

"You can't do this!" Kara pleaded, "You're my best friend! I love you!"

"Don't."

"But I do lo—"

"I said  _don't_!" come the stern interruption.

But Kara was not having it. "No! You listen to me!" she cried, "I care! Do you really believe that I don't?"

"I wish I could say I didn't," came the cruel remark.

Kara's eyes widened at the coldness, blues desperately trying to hold the visual connection.

It was then she realized how far down the rabbit hole Lena was, that she convinced herself this was the best solution, the best way out, leaving no room for protest. Kara had a dreadful inkling that maybe she was unsaveable, that no sound argument could make her change her mind.

Lena's expression softened, apologetic, and she withdrew into herself again, "Once the monitors flatline, the emitters will turn off and the doors will open," she hesitated and her cadence grew somber, "I want to be buried in the same cemetery as Lionel. And when Lex's time comes, I want him next to me. And Lillian next to the golden boy. Please remember that."

A pause, heartbreaking and poignant.

"Goodbye, Kara. I'm sorry."

_I love you._

She debated saying that, but eventually settled for a light shake of her head, finding the phrase too cruel for Kara to hear. Lena stepped back, turned away to stride over to lie on the platform despite Kara's screams of protest and the rattle of the thick plastic as it was bombarded with a shoulder, then an arm, and then a leg.

Lena shivered when her back made contact with the cold metal, but once she was situated, the latch in the ceiling slid open with a hiss and the Black Mercy slithered out.

"No!" Kara screamed hoarsely, "Lena! Please!"

_Save her!_

By now she was sobbing hysterically, her weak human hands bruising from hitting the thick glass with violent desperation.

"No!"

_Save her!_

She rammed her shoulder into the barrier.

The parasite stalked closer to its prey.

"No!"

_Save her!_

Again, her shoulder made contact.

The Black Mercy pounced, attaching itself on Lena's chest and squeezing its tendrils around her body. She tensed, then relaxed.

" _No_!"

Kara fell to her knees, defeated, resting her head against the acrylic glass, looking down at her bruised hands shaking atop her lap. She clenched them into fists, the stretch cracking parts of her skin open so that blood flowed from her knuckles.

Kara let more silent tears fall and drop on her reddened hands, her body trembled with her soft hiccups, and she closed her eyes, focusing her ears on the steady heartbeat ahead of her.

It was strong, but slowing and weakening with each second that passed.

Kara waited with bated breath and a clenched jaw.

* * *

"Hey."

Lena blinked her eyes open, squinting them as they adjusted to the sunlight. She registered that she was laying down on a blanket.

"Hey," she greeted softly to the person next to her.

When her vision focused, it connected to a pair of beautiful blue eyes.

Kara giggled nuzzling closer so that their noses brushed, "Liking the picnic so far?"

Lena hummed.

The blonde chuckled, "You need to bring more kale chips, I don't think there was enough for me. Or for Lori."

Lena felt a pang of nostalgia and melancholy settle in her chest.

_This isn't real..._

_But it will be. Soon._

"I'll keep that in mind for next time," she smirked.

Kara leaned in to give her wife a loving peck on the lips.

"Mom! Mommy! I want to go home and have a slumber party!" Lori called, running towards her parents.

Kara sat up and grinned, "I thought you wanted to play outside in the park?"

Lori pouted and folded her arms, a crinkle between her brows, "But I'm tired and I want to watch Mom's new TED Talk!"

"I'm not sure you'd find quantum entanglement very interesting," Kara teased.

"Mom is always interesting!"

"Not as interesting as Supergirl."

"But I see Mommy on TV all the time and at school already!"

Kara laughed, "Okay, honey."

Lena smiled brightly and sat up from her prone position, "Whatever you want, sweetheart."

The trio gathered the picnic supplies, and the two mothers watched as their daughter skipped to the car in the distance, an extraordinary sunset basking Lori in its warm gradients.

"Lena?"

She startled from her reverie, glancing up at her wife, "Hmm?"

Kara tilted her head and grinned, so scintillating it rivaled the sun itself.

"Ready to go home?" she asked softly, her cadence melodic and caring.

Their eyes met and their gazes shared an unrivaled fondness, communicating unconditional adoration for one another.

 _Home_.

However, Lena found a strange urge to look back and gazed over her own shoulder, expecting something—someone—but there was only vast greenery to be seen.

There was nothing there for her. Nothing behind her that convinced her to stay.

Lena shook her head and turned back.

"Ready," she answered, taking her wife's hand and lacing their fingers together as they followed their daughter home.

* * *

Kara let out a tragic cry, filled with utter agony when Lena's heart ceased to beat. When Lena immediately succumbed to the Black Mercy's clutches. When Lena's lungs exhaled its last breath.

It was a chilling sound, and the parasite seemed surprised at how fast its host perished.

The doors clicked, sliding open with an echoed thump, and the lights returned to the synthetic fluorescent white.

"Oh my God," Alex whispered through the earpiece, "I...I'm so sorry, Kara. I'm so sorry..."

But she was not listening, her vision concentrated solely on Lena's dead body through the blur of tears, how it laid unmoving and lifeless.

She was gone.

Once the parasite was finished leeching from her best friend, it detached itself and slithered away.

Kara released a gut wrenching scream, an angry blue laser shooting out from her eyes as it scorched the alien. It withered and died, shriveling up like dried foliage.

Kara held back a sob, carefully standing on her feet, her legs unsteady and her knees shaking. She took a step forward and almost collapsed from the grief, from another loss that burdened her shoulders, adding to the already cumbersome weight. What hurt especially about Lena's death, was that Kara believed she could have prevented it.

It was an excruciating feeling.

Eventually, the hero staggered to Lena, still laid on the platform, eyes closed, peaceful expression.

Kara closed her eyes and looked away, reopening them a moment later to find that what she was experiencing was reality and not a nightmare. She choked out a sob, snaking her arms under Lena's shoulders and knees before lifting gently.

There was still no heartbeat, still no breath, she was limp and cold, her skin so pale it was like porcelain.

Kara took several steps before the overwhelming grief sent her collapsing to her knees, Lena's dead body still wrapped in her arms. She unleashed the full force of her sobs and mourned the memories they shared, and now she could not stop and hold in the tears and cries of sorrow even if she tried.

Lena's head was rested against a strong arm, and Kara raised her other hand to brush back a lock of hair that marred the Luthor's usually ethereal appearance.

Kara grunted and stood again, Lena's body somehow heavy despite the inhuman strength she possessed.

She trudged up to Lena's bedroom, pausing once she noted the oversized bed and wondered how lonely it was to sleep in the expensive and lavish home. Kara set the woman on the mattress and frowned at the two small frames faced down on the nightstand and curiously flipped them up. Her tears poured out at a faster rate at a photo of Lena and Jack making silly faces at the camera. Then there was another that centered Kara and Lena at a gala, both smiling brightly for the momentous occasion. They were the only objects of sentimental value so far.

Kara reluctantly carried Lena back into her arms and finally took note of how impersonal and simple the CEO's abode was, even though it was awfully roomy for one person. It was almost as if she had no time to decorate with her busy schedule. There was a small fridge in a tight kitchen with other amenities like a stove, oven, microwave, and so forth. A small table and a complementary chair sat in a corner. A single-person sofa with a tiny coffee table to the right-hand side and a massive television in the front were in the living room. Only absolute necessities for one person, not even accommodations for guests, because Lena never really had any friends, or family.

The hallway was the most decorated with its six pieces of original paintings hung up along the walls, monotone with grays just like the rest of the interior. Everything was purposefully and immaculately placed, save for the immortalized photographs in Lena's room that stuck out of the colorless theme like a sore thumb.

Kara stepped outside, her boots crunching atop fallen leaves, the cold autumn air settling around her. She let out a small breath, a cloud of white leaving her lips as she did so. Then she was floating, flying into the sky with Lena's body caressed in her arms.

Kara barely registered her surroundings when her feet touched the concrete floor of the DEO, but she raised her head once the normal chaos of shouting and technology suddenly quieted at her arrival.

"Kara!" Alex called, breaking the tense silence and shoving through the group of agents, "We suddenly lost connection, what happ—"

The woman froze in place, eyes wide at the image of a mournful Supergirl with Lena Luthor in her arms.

Kara frowned before taking a step forward, her momentum carrying her through the large halls of the DEO. The agents wisely backed off and made way for the Kryptonian, dipping their heads at Supergirl's anguished procession—their expressions were drawn with more pity than sympathy, and Alex, James, and Winn's faces communicated remorse and guilt. J'onn was stone-like, as usual, but his eyes were lamenting and knowing, as if he expected this.

Kara knew she made it to the medical bay when Dr. Hamilton placed a hand on her shoulder and shook her out of her daze.

"We'll take it from here," she murmured, assistants and other doctors gathering around as the body was set on the gurney.

Kara was silent, her hand gripping Lena's, their fingers intertwined with unmutual strength. Then the stretcher was wheeled away, and Kara felt the tangle of their skin loosen. She was reluctant, and held onto the pale fingers as long as she could before she let the inevitably lengthening distance separate them. Her hand still hovered midair, reaching futilely for someone who was already lost.

Kara watched from afar, her vision blurred with newly shed tears as the doctors attempted to revive Lena on the way to the emergency room. She knew they would fail, that it was fruitless, and as much as she wanted to hear that familiar heartbeat again, she did not bother listening for something she knew would not come back.

Kara bristled slightly when she heard her name softly called out just behind her, registering multiple footsteps—three people. She inhaled deeply and closed her eyes, tears streaming down her cheeks, concentrating on the heartbeats.

Alex. James. Winn.

"We're so sorr—"

"You didn't even give her a chance," Kara mumbled, cutting her sister off, tightening her hands into fists, "None of you did, no matter how many times I begged you, tried to convince you that she was  _good_."

"We're sorr—"

"It's too late for apologies," she muttered, "You all know that. Please, just... _leave_."

The footsteps echoed away. But there was another coming closer, different than the others.

A broad shoulder brushed her arm.

"J'onn," she greeted quietly.

A moment of silence.

"What did you see?" she finally asked.

He sighed heavily, "Kara—"

" _What did you see_?" she repeated, sterner.

More silence.

"She was already doubting herself minute after minute because of Lillian," J'onn started, "Because of her brother's actions constantly praised by who used to be two of the three people in her life that mattered the most," he hung his head, "Then the world was against her every step of the way, trying to convince her that she was unneeded, unwanted...worthless," he finally turned to the mourner, "You knew her best, so you know it never worked. You know, despite how much opposition she faced, she was always headstrong and persistent..."

A pause.

Kara's jaw tightened, clenching stiffly, her teeth grinding in anticipation.

"...until she finally saw a world that loved her."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Constructive criticism appreciated.**


	4. Conduit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on FF as Local-Asshole.**
> 
> **Yes. I did some math.**
> 
> **I also apologize in advance. I had some serious writer's block and it really fucking shows.**

# Conduit

* * *

She saw them, black masses of L-Corp employees leaving the cemetery dressed in dark, monotone colors with umbrellas held over their heads to hinder the light drizzle of the rain.

And Kara ran, sprinting through the yard of stones until Lena's grave was in sight, two people standing in front of it.

"Did I miss the funeral?" she inquired nervously.

Jess shook her head, "A memorial service wasn't held. There was no procession. The workers decided to visit the wake for several minutes before leaving. They're all thankful of course because they can keep their jobs, but it's a busy week with L-Corp being sold and all—everyone is busy scrambling to move their things."

"They already buried her casket."

Kara turned her attention to the man next to Jess, who she remembered was her friend's driver. Three people. At that realization, it was when it really hit Kara how alone Lena was, people despised her or were indifferent to her.

"My condolences, Miss Danvers," Jess mumbled, eyeing the blonde as she placed a bouquet of plumerias upon the tombstone. She jerked her head towards the man, the gesture motioning for him to retrieve the vehicle.

"I'm sorry too," Kara whispered tearfully.

The secretary nodded, "Miss Luthor didn't leave me a note, but she told me to apologize to you for her—just in case. And she  _is_  sorry."

"Jess, you...you  _knew_ ," Kara's eyes widened, brows furrowed angrily, "Why didn't you  _do_  anything?"

The woman gave a hard stare, "Tell me, if  _you_  weren't able to convince her otherwise, would  _my_  intervention have stopped her?"

Silence.

Jess's glare softened, "I didn't think so either. She would've found another way to get what she wanted. Besides, I didn't  _know_. I just...had an inkling," she smiled bitterly, "Miss Luthor always had a knack for unhealthy coping mechanisms. I was hoping it'd be alcohol poisoning again, not..." she struggled to will her voice not to crack, "...not this..."

Jess dipped her head in salutation, "Have a good evening, Miss Danvers." She retreated once the car pulled up and retracted her umbrella.

Kara acknowledged her and waved before her attention narrowed to Lena's grave again. She stood, still and contemplative, observing the smooth and polished texture of the expensive headstone that was a deep ebony. In it carved her name, her birth date, and her death date. Simple and impersonal, but people would know who she was just glancing at the surname and seeing the expensive stone her memory was etched in.

Kara blinked, her tears mixing with the rain that was falling harder and faster. She took a shaky breath, her body rippling with tremors when she choked out a strangled cry.

"Everyone was so awful to you, hated you for no reason. I should've realized how hard you were taking it, but you were so strong. All the time. I should've known. I should've been better," Kara's shoulders slumped and her head hung low, filled with regret and shame, "I thought you were good. I thought you deserved everything good this world had to offer, anything that made you happy," she sighed, a cloud of cold emanating from her lips, "I just didn't think this was going to be it."

Kara felt her knees nearly give out, felt her will yearn to collapse with her, but her demeanor remained strong. She reached out, brushing her fingers on the stone before resting her hand fully on it.

"You were always so worried about everyone else that you forgot about yourself. Believe me. I still do that, being a superhero and all...but I had Alex to watch over me, to make sure that I considered my own happiness, and I also had James, and Winn, and Ms. Grant and...and so many people I considered friends and family by my side," Kara smiled grimly at the memories that flooded her, "I've lost so much, and they helped me cope with the loss of Krypton, they made the burden less heavy."

Her lips pulled into a frown, "But you didn't have anyone...except me, and I failed you. I'm sorry."

Kara knelt and placed a tender kiss on Lena's headstone, then pushed to stand despite the weight that wanted to make sure she would fall—to condemn her with the eternal burden of what happened. She reluctantly pulled her hand off the cold stone, arm falling limply at her side.

Then she walked away.

* * *

Kara unlocked the door to her apartment, tossing her purse and keys to the side, not even bothering to turn on the lights as the dim sunset provided barely enough through the windows.

Kara strode to her room, blanketed in darkness with the closed shutters. She sat on the edge of her bed with a sigh and her head hung low. Slowly, she removed her glasses, then untied her bun and watched as her mussed hair fell heavily past her shoulders; the strands gathered the remains of the rain at the tips and dropped them onto the floor with tiny splashes.

Kara remained still in her position, her mind passive and blank as she focused on the hypnotizing water droplets and smell of petrichor. Eventually, she blinked, finally registering the hot tears that silently trailed down her cheeks, providing her an escape from her mental prison. She sniffed, burying her face into her hands before running her fingers through her wet hair, tangled in several messy places. Kara pressed the back of her palm into her eyes, forcing the tears to stop, but they continued to pour and pour and pour.

Eventually she gave up trying to reign in her emotions and tucked herself into bed. She paid no mind to the fact that she was still in uncomfortably damp clothes—she was too drained and exhausted, her strength seeping from her limbs. She burrowed into the thick blanket bunched up and wrapped around her body, her previously silent crying progressing into quiet sobs for who knows how many nights in a row.

Kara was inconsolable. She spent the first few days with rage boiling in her blood, ravaging concrete blocks after concrete blocks in the DEO training room. Then there were the more recent days—today—where she felt hopeless, the pull of grief too heavy for her heart to bear.

So she mourned, reading articles and watching news of Lena's death.

_Lena Luthor Pronounced Dead: Vague Details Revealed by Anonymous Source_

_L-Corp Sold and Dismantling After CEO's Death_

_The Alien that Killed Lena Luthor: Details on the Black Mercy_

_Relation of Lena Luthor's Death and Previous Absence from L-Corp_

_Lena Luthor: Suicide or Murder?_

_[Op-Ed] History of Superman and Lex Luthor Antagonism: Supergirl Prevails in Taking Down the Last Luthor_

_Supergirl Allegedly Failed to Save Luthor Heiress_

_[Op-Ed] Supergirl Tried to Save Lena Luthor vs. Supergirl Let Lena Luthor Die_

The headlines took advantage of the controversial hype surrounding what had happened and made national news. Eventually, the gossip of the civilians were stoked when conspiracy theories were shared, the worst of which was people questioning Supergirl's morals. Some believed the alien and Luthor history was too toxic and ran too deep for the Girl of Steel to even bother trying. Some thought otherwise, that Supergirl valued every person's life regardless of their sins, even a Luthor.

Then there were the rarer suicide speculations, those too cut Kara bone deep, because she knew the truth; articles and questionable documents suddenly popped up out of nowhere that slammed Lillian Luthor for alleged child abuse and Lena's subsequent psychological health rollercoaster. Kara's experience with mental disorder was much more than anyone should experience as a developing alien; she lost her entire world, its culture, its language, its people—her family and friends. Then she was thrust into a foreign world where she struggled with acceptance and feared rejection.

But Kara had Alex and Eliza and Jeremiah. She only ever knew loving families, and they supported her and helped her cope.

Lena was alone, and despite Lex treating her fondly before he snapped, she was abused by Lillian and neglected by Lionel, who was too busy with running LuthorCorp to be at the Luthor manor. So Lena remained lonely and isolated in her mansion, finding solace in tinkering with metal scraps. Simultaneously, she was taught, and experienced first-hand, what it meant to be a deceptive and coldhearted Luthor for business.

Kara thought the comments were the worst part in the aftermath of the ordeal with Lena's death. Many online and in reality celebrated another Luthor's downfall, which Kara recalled that her late friend had bitterly predicted. Some who believed that Supergirl had let the woman die praised her for her part in keeping their society safe from genocide.

Kara felt  _furious_  that Lena was right, that she was too busy basking in her positive thoughts of the Luthor to notice how much unwarranted hate there was.

It was still baffling how people could hate Lena—she was good, intelligent, kind, strong,  _beautiful_.

Kara did  _love_  her.

But she vied for her friends' approvals of the woman. She wanted them to listen and her hopes gradually gained when Winn expressed a tentative acceptance.

Then they were cruelly stamped down by Clark's, James's, and Maggie's outright rejections of Lena. And Lois and Lucy showed concern with the Kryptonian's decision to befriend Lena, but what prevented them from expressing hate was the belief that it would be strategically beneficial for them to keep an eye on the Luthor somehow.

Not that their blatantly wrong opinions would hinder Kara—they affected her, yes, and sucked away small pieces of hope—but it was her older sister and Eliza that abruptly put the barricade down between the two friends.

If Lena did not receive approval from them then why would Kara ask for something more, and in turn subject the woman to rejection after rejection? She knew her family's and friend's opinions mattered dearly to Lena, who wanted to leave good impressions, and she would have if it were not for the corrupted last name that tainted her. Kara's loved ones were already negative enough with the fact that she had befriended a  _Luthor_  of all people. She could not imagine their reaction to Supergirl and Lena Luthor being  _together_.

So she relented, content with the best friend she already had. Kara refused to entertain the thought of romance anymore, unwilling to confront wary opinions. She was tired of the Luthor vitriol and could not fathom how Lena could deal with even more.

Maybe, on the off chance that everyone tried to warm up to the object of Kara's adoration, she would seek out something more between them.

But until then, she suppressed her affections until they were buried deep down with the trauma of losing Krypton—she was not expecting her family and friends to change their minds anytime soon.

And Kara could not give Lena the life she wanted in the Black Mercy—she said it herself; she could not bring Lex back from insanity, could not bring Lionel back from the dead, and could not get Lillian to alter her xenophobia. Certainly not. Kara would if she could—she would have gone to the ends of the universe for her. And it touched her that Lena's ultimate happiness also relied upon the happiness of Kara's.

She recalled the aftermath of the Daxamite invasion, of the slump she fell into after losing Mon-El...then of her recovery, of the joy and closeness and companionship she felt next to Lena. Her mind wandered to the device that her friend created, locked in a DEO vault. She remembered Winn saying something about the technology, that it could remove lead from Earth's atmosphere, and the model was big enough and the blueprints were detailed enough to construct a larger scale device. All that would be left was utilizing DEO and alien resources to locate Mon-El.

But she found that she was not eager to bring him back. At least not yet. Not too soon after what happened.

Kara's actions were not enough. Lena grew up in a toxic environment where physical actions had nefarious or business purposes, where even words were tools utilized to reach a goal or to harm. But Lena could not infer care and love from Kara's actions. She was always waiting for the other shoe to drop at all times—having a genuine friend was relatively foreign for her, and verbal assurance would have been more comforting perhaps.

Now, as Kara sobbed alone in her room, she regretted not telling Lena how much she loved her.

* * *

"I am sorry. I am not programmed to give you that information."

" _I want her back_!" Kara screamed, her voice cracking, breaking open with raw emotion as she stalked closer to the hologram of her mother, "And you  _will_  tell me how to do it! I  _need_  to travel back in time to save her, please tell me!"

"Tampering with timelines is unwise and dangerous—I advise you to avoid doing so," Alura stated monotonously, "The Timestream is too abstract and sensitive to change, altering one aspect could very well lead to another problem or multiple others. It could take a great physical toll to you and the subject."

Kara growled, "Then I'll figure it out! If Lena is alive then she has a chance to develop life changing technology on Earth! Nothing bad can come from that!"

"Your goal is not rooted in the fact that you believe she is a beneficial asset. It is emotional and subjective, and if you successfully save Lena Luthor, you may find that the threats I warned you of are not the ones you should be concerned about."

Kara fumed, then inhaled a deep breath to calm herself down, "Maybe I should rephrase my statement: are there any time travel devices that exist here on Earth?"

Alura's image shimmered, "Professor Carter Nichols' time machine, also known as the time ray, was constructed in the city of Gotham, New Jersey. It is under the ownership of Batman."

Kara cursed under her breath, "He's definitely not going to let me mess with that," she cleared her throat, "Are there any alternatives?"

Alura lifted her chin and held her head high.

"Yes."

* * *

"I need to see Doctor Rond Vidar."

The secretary pushed his glasses up and greeted the visitor without breaking his gaze from the computer, "Do you have an appointment?"

Kara's brows furrowed, "This is an emergency. I  _must_  see him right away."

The man sighed and scrolled through his screen, clearly irked, "Miss, I apologize, but you're going to have to schedule a meeting with him."

She narrowed her eyes and folded her arms, "Fine."

"Great," he drawled, "Can I get a time so I can find an opening as well as a name?"

"Now," Kara stated, "Name's Supergirl."

The man finally glanced up and startled, nearly jumping from his seat at the sight of the Kryptonian, "O-Oh. Uh. Right away. I apologize for the inconvenience, I'll have someone take you to Doctor Vidar's office."

Kara smirked before dramatically flipping her cape as she followed her escort, the flare of the crimson fabric leaving behind many gawking guests in the building.

Their footsteps echoed through the spacious golden hall, bouncing off the high ceiling and the chimes of the chandeliers. When they reached the end, the escort retrieved her pass from the lanyard hanging around her neck and swiped it over the scanner. The elevator's gears clicked and the doors slid open.

They entered, the woman pressing the proper floor number before returning to her stiff posture.

Kara rocked on the balls of her feet, observing the luxurious marble of the polished floor and the gilded golden walls.

She cleared her throat, the sound cutting awkwardly through the classical music, "This is...a bit much for an elevator don't you think?"

The escort shrugged, "The Time Institute and its teachers have many donors and investors, a... _superior_  image is needed."

Kara opened her mouth to form a reply, but the woman beat her to it.

"We're at our stop," she informed, "His office is down the hall to the left—large double doors, can't miss it. It's been a pleasure, Supergirl."

Before Kara could express her gratitude, the woman put a hand to her ear and activated her communications device, "Doctor Vidar, I know you don't allow visitors at this time, but it's of utmost importance."

There was a sound of scratchy static, an irritated voice coming through the other line.

"'Utmost importance' my buttocks! Miss Morning, I'm very busy at the moment, could you tell whatever's so 'important' according to this insolent, dimwitted, self-involved—"

"It's Supergirl, sir," the woman interrupted.

There was a sudden pause.

"Oh!" the man seemed delightfully surprised, "Well, why didn't you say so! Send her in right away!"

The woman clicked her device and gestured for Kara to proceed.

"Thank you, Miss Morning," she mumbled.

The escort stiffened and it was then the Kryptonian realized what she had implied.

"Oh, I...I'm sorry. I didn't mean to eavesdrop, but...Doctor Vidar is kind of—"

"Loud?" she finished with amusement pulling at the corners of her lips.

Kara shuffled her feet sheepishly, "Yeah..."

The woman pressed the elevator button and its doors closed between them.

"Good luck," she said before they clicked shut.

* * *

"What do you mean it's 'classified'?"

Kara folded her arms at the exclamation and played it off with a cool expression, "What? You thought I was going to give you details on a mission given to me by a top secret government organization, Doctor Vidar?"

Rond pulled at his messy hair, the toll of his research and days of unhygienic activities slickened his dark locks with grease and oil. He removed his thick glasses and wiped it on his lab coat.

"Fair point," he acknowledged.

Rond could not have been more than forty judging from the wrinkles that marred his face, mostly from a perpetual vexed expression. The man was a very eccentric and narcissistic individual, and although he was prickly at first, he seemed less so in the presence of Supergirl.

But her need of his time machine bolstered his ego.

And Kara played that to her advantage.

"I'm here because I believe your time machine is the best device that can help me with my mission—it's superior to Professor Nichols' time ray and I can't waste another day trying to convince Gotham City's elusive bat to help me."

That seemed to do the trick going off of the proud light that twinkled in the scientist's eyes. He cleared his throat and grinned widely, "Of course! My machine displaces as opposed to traveling through time, however, it does come with restrictions," he admitted reluctantly, not that his ego seemed to take a hit from it, "The manipulation of time is always sensitive in its malleability."

He led her to the back of his office, cramped with papers and books that were strewn all over the floors and pinned onto the walls.

"My creation has proven indispensible to government usage," Rond stated, rummaging around.

He scrutinized the space between the floor and Kara, who was floating in front of him in anticipation, "That must come in handy. I can barely walk through my jungle without slipping on some substance."

"So, tell me," he started, still fumbling around his office, "What would you have done if I'd refused to aid you in your endeavors?"

"Seek Batman out, of course," Kara answered.

"What?" he chuckled, "Would your last option, if he rejected you too, would be to fly around the world to reverse time?"

"Well, in theory, it'd work, but there'd be catastrophic consequences."

"Yes," he agreed, "You'd have to fly around Earth opposite its revolution just outside of its atmosphere for fifty seconds."

"About a hundred kilometers above sea level would be ideal," Kara hummed.

"The Karman Line? Between space and the atmosphere?" Rond asked, "You'd have to provide angular momentum twice that of Earth's. Your velocity would have to be around forty radians per second."

She nodded, watching the researcher curse under his breath as he dumped boxes after boxes of papers, "46.296 radians per second actually. When multiplied with Earth's mean radius, which is about 6,371 kilometers plus the extra hundred kilometers to account for the Karman Line."

Rond paused, eyes wide, "You'd have to be flying..." he trailed off, brows scrunched together as he did the math in his head.

"299,581.416 kilometers per second," Kara flashed a smile.

He gasped, now bouncing as he looked through his desk, "That's—"

"Over 99.929 percent of the speed of light?" Kara cut in, "I know. Pretty cool, right?"

The man was in disbelief, "How's that possible?" he paused when he found his biometric scanner with a triumphant cheer before placing his hand over the reader, "You'd have to include your rest mass and increase it—"

"I'm 54.885 kilograms, so I'd have to increase my mass about 20,372,668.224 times, but I'm faster than my cousin," Kara clarified, "As I fly closer to the speed of light, my relativistic mass increases according to what humans call the Lorentz Factor."

"We'd be moving over 1,600 kilometers per hour!" Rond exclaimed.

"Which is why I decided to find a time travel method that didn't involve causing unprecedented winds, huge tsunamis, and fires from extreme friction."

Rond's mouth gaped, then the vault behind him vibrated with a thunderous sound, slowly opening its metal doors to exhibit a small, cube-shaped device on a pedestal.

"Ahem. It'll scan the subject to be transported," he explained, "It releases tachyon particles when activated, which will then transmit you into the Timestream while I calibrate your location and date from my terminal. The catch with the time cube though, is that you have a maximum of twenty-four hours to complete your mission, and you need to return to the area you were spawned at beforehand to return to the original timeline."

"What happens if I don't?" Kara inquired.

Rond shrugged, "You'll be stranded there, so hopefully you're not trying to travel several hundred years back."

The hero seemed to be a little more comforted with the flaw, "I only need to be several days back. A week and a half to be more precise."

"I need more than 'precise'," Rond commented, running the diagnostics on his terminal, "Exact location, day, and time, which can be in hours, minutes, or down to the nanosecond. This is your last chance to plan every detail of how you're going about your mission. You're welcome to try again if you fail the first time but successfully return to this timeline. But, uh, make sure you do it on your first try—there's a lot more about quantum theory physics and time travel that we don't understand."

She gave him the information and released a soft chuckle, "Good thing I'm an alien, right?"

Rond smirked, "Visit me again, Supergirl! I have so many questions and theories I need you to confirm!"

Kara grinned and shrugged, "Maybe."

Then a shroud of white light engulfed her, swallowing her body. Her mind was in a blank state, like limbo, and she could feel the passiveness of time touch her skin in the liminal space of the Timestream.

She closed her eyes and breathed as she passed the threshold, "I'm coming, Lena."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Constructive criticism appreciated.**


	5. Blackbox

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on FF as Local-Asshole.**
> 
> **Yes. I also found out the latitude and longitude of National City.**
> 
> **I also apologize in advance once again. This time for the long ass wait and for more writer's block that really shows.**

# Blackbox

* * *

There was silence, everything still and void of life.

A breath, deep yet soft and tentative.

"—pergirl?"

She took another, the inhale sharper and more distinct.

"Supergirl!"

Kara felt her consciousness snap, jumpstarted by the shout. But it was dark, pitch black to the point she was unable to tell if her eyes were open or not. She thought she managed to reply with a soft 'yes'.

"Oh! Thank god! I thought I lost you in the Timestream, for a moment I needed to find some reason to excuse me from being incarcerated for multiple lifetimes."

"Doctor Vidar?" Kara whispered.

"Indeed!" he confirmed, "I only have a few minutes until you reach your destination, which is exactly 11:03 in the evening, so be back before 11:03 P.M. tomorrow. I believe your location's coordinates are 32°40′41″N 117°05′57″W. Your consciousness is currently being displaced into your body of the past timeline. Assuming you don't successfully complete your mission, you'll be stranded in that time forever, but I guess it isn't a horrid concern considering it's only a week before now. Of course, there will be variations and incongruity associated," he cleared his throat, "My method of travel is extremely different from going through time, so you'll be creating another universe and it could be, well, not good for both worlds if you don't manage to get back to the present timeline. On top of that, you might encounter some peculiar, yet impeccable, anomalies or discrepancies that'll prevent you from finishing your mission."

"Great," she sighed, registering his ramble of jargon.

"I know, very convenient, right?" Rond joked, "You'll need to return to your spawn location with the intention of returning to the original timeline once you're finished. Alright, you'll reach consciousness in 3, 2, 1..."

The moment his voice faded into a warped echo Kara jolted, her vision flooding back to familiar surroundings—she was at the DEO.

The first thing she saw was Alex's expression pulling into a frown, "Let's be realistic here, Kara, there should be at least one exce—"

And suddenly she felt adrenaline pumping through her veins once she realized what moment in time she was in the past. She raised a hand up to stop her sister mid-sentence, "Hold that thought," and bolted out of the building, the speed of her flight cracking through the sound barrier with a thunderous boom.

"Kara!" Alex shouted through the earpiece, "What the hell! I was in the middle of something and—"

"Contact M'gann and bring her to the DEO as fast as possible!" she cut in, relaying her entire plan in her head.

"Stop interrupting me! What's going on?"

"Just do it!" Kara demanded, "Lena's in danger! I'm landing!" She crashed onto the pavement of the driveway, scattering about bits of rubble and debris from the crater she made. Then she was in the bedroom with a snappy whoosh, tearing the entrance to the bunker open with an almighty roar.

Kara saw her, Lena walking into the cell, just before she rammed into the plexiglass—the cursed red glow painted the entirety of the lower floor.

"No!" she slammed her fist against the barrier, the acrylic material vibrating from the force.

_Too late. I was too slow. I need to improvise._

Kara did not acknowledge her friend and sprinted back up until she was directly above the room Lena was in. There was a deep breath, then a deafening smash the moment the floor crumbled under all the inhuman strength the Kryptonian could muster.

The tendrils of the Black Mercy were already tightly wound around Lena, squeezing her torso and pulsing as it drained her. Obsidian hair was splayed on the table, porcelain skin bathed in a dim red light that gave the paleness a sickening luminescence. Kara quickly obliterated the terminals to deactivate the emitters and carried her friend into her arms, taking off into the sky.

"Alex!" Kara called, "Is M'gann there? I'm coming! Headed toward the med bay!"

"Yeah she's here, and you need to tell us what's going on!"

The Kryptonian landed, splintering the concrete, the cracks spreading into a jagged web. Then she was running, sprinting inside and placing Lena on a stretcher. Seconds later Alex, James, and Winn rushed into the room, followed by J'onn and M'gann.

"Care to elaborate?" Alex asked, James's shock and Winn's gaping mouth complementing her inquiry.

"Lena used the Black Mercy on herself," Kara explained breathlessly, the pounding of her heart threatening to burst from her chest. "She doesn't have much time. J'onn, M'gann, can you guys use your psychic powers to intervene and pull her out?"

The Martians shared concerned looks, their hundreds of years of wisdom exchanged.

"Forcing a host to escape from a parasite that's infecting them has never yielded positive results," J'onn supplied carefully.

"Physically ripping it away would kill her, we know that. Psychologically taking her out..." M'gann hesitated, "...could very well be mentally traumatizing for her in the aftermath."

"We don't have time to discuss this!" Kara begged, the panic she was feeling seemed to skyrocket exponentially, "Just do it! She'll die if you don't!  _Please_! We have to try  _something_!"

The Martians nodded, linking their fingers and placing their hands on Lena's before inhaling and exhaling as they entered the human's fantasy.

A torturous minute passed.

Then J'onn and M'gann opened their eyes, the Black Mercy detaching from Lena's torso and slithering away, only to shrivel and wither away without its host.

And Kara waited with everyone else and with bated breath, her eyes and ears recorded the beat of her friend's heart and the gentle rise and fall of her lungs.

Another moment passed and Kara's eyes welled with unshed tears, "Why isn't she waking up? You got her out, this doesn't make any sense—"

"When we saved Miss Luthor, she was rendered into a state of unconsciousness to protect her mind; she's in a coma until her psyche dictates otherwise," J'onn answered, providing clarification, "We ripped her away, possibly scarred her mind in the process of helping her."

_An anomaly._

Kara's eyes dropped, the despair palpable as agents surrounded Lena to transport her onto a gurney to wheel her off.

A surge of unrelenting fury set her alight, her hands clenching into fists, her entire frame shaking with a poisonous concoction of rage and misery. The emotions were utterly raw and all-consuming, it overwhelmed her, a foreign heat flaring in her gut. There was a subsequent scream of agitation that spilled from her lips, then the stretcher Lena had previously been  _dying_  on was crumpled within the split second of her loss of control—the pure throes of anger she held had demented the object.

She pivoted, rotating around to face the pitiful looks of her loved ones. Alex's eyes were sympathetic as Kara glared hard at each and every one of them, resting on her sister.

"You never gave her a chance, never could accept the fact that our friendship was genuine, believing it to be some intricate evil plot to kill Supergirl."

She was speaking to all of them, but her stare was trained on Alex.

"I was forced into a pod to escape disaster. I  _watched_ Krypton die right before my eyes—my family, my friends, the people, the culture, the language...all gone in a heartbeat. Then I landed on Earth, a foreign planet, where I had to learn too many new things on top of controlling my developing powers. Fitting in was the hardest part, and I received rejection after rejection from kids at school. The first being you, Alex."

The woman in question dipped her head shamefully.

"You didn't acknowledge me as your sister. You treated me like I was some chore, and yeah, I was. You had to watch over a superpowered and traumatized alien. But we got closer and our bond is unbreakable. I thought..." Kara's voice cracked, "...I thought th-that if you didn't trust Lena, then you'd at least maybe  _try_  to respect her because you trust  _me_. I expected more from you, but maybe...maybe that was my mistake."

"Kara—"

"I'll forgive you," she looked at everyone else, wiping her tears, "I'll forgive all of you. Eventually. I just...I need time."

She hung her head and leaned against the nearest wall, bringing a hand up to press against her reddened eyes.

_I want to go back._

The intention was there, and Kara felt herself drifting away, her vision tunneling and the noises reducing to echoes. Everyone dipped their heads shamefully, and the last thing Kara saw was Alex's expression filled with utter regret and remorse at her guilt.

Then there was nothing.

* * *

"So?"

Kara clenched her eyes shut and shook her head, "Wh-What?"

"How'd your mission go?"

"Oh," Kara recognized the man, "Doctor Vidar. I did accomplish my mission," she gave him a smile. "I appreciate that you were willing to lend me your machine."

The scientist waved his hand casually, "Nonsense! I was happy to be of help. Hopefully we'll be able to cooperate on projects in the future and that they might be less...dire. Time travel has a little too many consequences and such at stake for me to revisit it."

"Of course, Doctor Vidar," she agreed, bowing her head, "I really can't thank you enough."

"Up, up, and away, Supergirl," he chuckled, pointing to the balcony, "Oh. And remember: no one else except for us will know of your interdimensional activities. I do because, well, I do have access to the data on my terminal."

Kara smirked and nodded before bolting off with a booming crack, the wind whistling and whipping through her blonde locks as she made her way to the DEO.

It had been over a week. Surely Lena would have woken up by now.

But when Kara landed with a soft thud and dashed in, she found the herself face to face with Alex, who rushed through the chaos of agents that ran amok.

"Where were you?"

"I—uh—just needed some fresh air..." Kara's gaze drifted towards the medical bay. "Is she awake?"

Alex frowned and shook her head, "I'm sorry.

Kara took a shaky breath, tightening her fingers into fists, "It's fine. You guys are doing everything you can."

"Her neurofeedback hasn't been too helpful either," Alex whispered softly, expression forlorn, "Her brain waves keep fluctuating between infra-low and delta; she's at 0.6 hertz right now—it's been decreasing gradually, but there are some spikes closer to alpha waves at around six to eight hertz sometimes," a sigh, "We think she's drifting in and out somehow, but there hasn't been much change recently. We've been trying to stabilize her at a higher unit, but we haven't found much success with that."

Alex placed a comforting hand on her little sister's shoulder, "I'm really sorry, Kara. For not believing in you, and I know that's not enough, but that's all I can give you. For now. I'm hoping Lena wakes up so I can get a chance to be better, so that James and Winn can too."

Kara gave a weak smile, "You guys are great already. Just... _really_  stupid a lot of the times."

Alex gave her shoulder a gentle squeeze, her tone suddenly cautious, "Listen... You need to prepare yourself, in case Lena doesn't wake up. You need to be ready to say goodbye—"

"She'll wake up," Kara snapped harshly.

Alex's eyes were sympathetic, almost pitifully so, but she decided not to press further, "She's a Luthor, they're pretty stubborn like you superheroes. She's not going to give up so easily."

Kara felt an immediate desire to agree, but after the events that transpired, she found the words that were once on the tip of her tongue now strangled within her throat.

"But Lena did give up," Kara croaked hoarsely, and suddenly she was given a tight embrace from Alex. But there was a lack of warmth, the heat of her affection absent.

_And she might give up again._

* * *

Kara unleashed a heavy sigh as she arrived at her apartment, the deepness of the night covering the building with darkness.

It was late, and Supergirl was needed for a shipwreck at a nearby port, then had to fly to the other end of National City to take care of a heist that derailed into a desperate hostage situation, which had finally ended up with a homicide.

Kara was exhausted, the tiredness had seeped into her eyes by the early afternoon, and by the evening she was ready to fall out of the sky and sleep on the concrete.

Kara tossed her belongings and civilian clothing onto her couch, then plopped heavily onto her bed. She was still in her suit, a little blackened here and there to complement the soot on her face from the ashes of a fire—the burnt smell was just as lovely. Normally the stretchy spandex-like material was uncomfortable to sleep in, but tonight she would make an exception—she was burned out, pun intended.

Kara's limbs weakened, body sprawled half on and half off the mattress, arm and leg dangling over the edge. She could muster no more strength and the stressful coil in her body loosened. It was not long until she began to snore as she dozed off into a slumber. Her nostrils picked up the fiery odor from her slightly charred hair, locks tangled and unruly from her heroics, but she could not manage to care less.

Her sleep was filled with nightmares, endless and unrelenting ever since Lena's 'death'.

Haunting her even in the day when she was awake.

Haunting her even when she knew that Lena was  _alive_  and  _safe_.

But she felt as if the fight had only begun.

And tonight's terrors were as unfortunate as the last ones, if not more.

* * *

" _Kara..." she sang._

" _Lena?"_

_Dark was too simple a word to describe the blackness of the environment she was thrust in. It was pitch black, an ebony so deep not even her keen eyesight could tell where the ceiling and walls were, if there were any that was. There was a floor though, the only reason she was able to tell was that she was not falling—it was solid, there was ground under her feet._

_Kara could not see her own limbs either as they were blanketed in charcoal air, but she could feel, could touch her face and her waist. She thought that she would end up stumbling over some unseen object, but the eerie silence of this void told her otherwise—she was the only one present besides..._

" _Lena?" Kara called out again, soft and tender. She heard her voice echo through the deafening vacuum of silence._

_Then she heard it again. Her name. Spoken, drawled out in a sing-song tone in the distance. So she moved towards it. Step after tentative step, uncertain if she would fall over the edge of something or encounter an unwanted obstacle. It was like she was wading through a vat of viscous liquid, her movements becoming more and more sluggish as she got closer and closer._

" _Kara..."_

_She pushed harder, the foreign feeling of sweat beading down her temples, her breaths heavy._

" _I'm coming, Lena," she panted, grunting through her sudden absence of strength._

" _Kara..."_

_Her voice was but a whisper now, the vast endlessness of obsidian unrelenting and swallowing her source of normality, sanity—it seemed she would never reach her destination._

_Then Lena's voice stopped, and Kara found herself desperately searching for it, shouting out pleadingly, almost begging._

" _Where are you?" she cried, "Please, don't leave! Don't leave..."_

" _Kara."_

_She jumped, flinching away from the raspy whisper that was breathed behind her, as if her friend was right next to her._

_Adrenaline shot through her veins and Kara pivoted so fast she would have had whiplash if she were human._

_And there was nothing, just the same onyx nothingness._

_Then a light, flashing in front of her, bright and blinding._

_Kara winced and covered her eyes with her forearm, dipping her head down as she slowly adjusted to the change. She blinked slowly, her eyes watering from the iridescence that felt like it would set her ablaze._

_Slowly, she removed her arm from in front of her, and her heart stopped at the sight, her body frozen with disbelief._

_Lena's feet hovered over the floor, legs dangling loosely, her heels between wanting to slip and stay. Her dress was unsurprisingly elegant, the dark fabric wrapped around her fittingly, hanging off her shoulders to showcase her chiseled collarbones. She was more than perfect, and the cloth starkly contrasted with the light and her pale porcelain skin. Her jaw angular, her cheekbones prominent, her features sharp. Her sable hair framed her face perfectly, long black locks waving over her shoulders._

_Immaculate._

_Ethereal._

_Divine._

_The sight before Kara was ineffable._

_But Lena's eyes were shut, shutting her off of the emerald gems that were encased behind. It was disappointing—bitter. The jade and olive shades were closed off._

_She was still beautiful._

_But Lena was tainted by the blood red cloth from above that was tightly wound around her neck, hanging her for all who cared enough to see._

_But it was just Kara, and she felt her legs crumble, then she collapsed onto her knees, shoulders sagging with an all-too familiar type of defeat._

_The pain in her chest grew exponentially the longer she looked, but she could not tear her eyes away no matter how hard she tried, some cruel and malicious force petrifying her._

_And finally Kara noticed the streaks that ran down Lena's cheeks, freshly wet and soaking into the fabric around her throat, darkening its hue._

_Kara's eyes bulged, her lips parted in speechless agony when she realized..._

My...my cape...

_The article of clothing, a symbol of heroism, was now tainted by the woman who hung from the cloth. The scene was clean—no signs of struggle, no foul play, no blood...though the sinister crimson of the cape was an adequate substitute for the latter._

_There was a snap and Lena fell, Kara witnessing with abject horror marred into her face as she heard the sickening thud when the body hit the floor._

_There was a tormented roar that echoed out, and it took a moment for Kara to register that it was her own lament._

_She managed to pathetically crawl to Lena's corpse, lifting the lifeless body onto her lap. She cried harshly, sobs wracking her invincible physique._

_Kara's ears perked to desperately listen for a relieving thump-thump. But there was only the lack of a heartbeat surrounded by the absence of all sound except hoarse wails._

_So she mourned into the abyss of nothing._

* * *

Kara jolted up from her couch and groaned, her phone emitting an incessant ring. She realized she ended up falling asleep to bed time stories about her best friend's death again; newspapers, magazines, posters, and other paper scraps were strewn about her coffee table. Even her laptop had several articles opened up in different windows. All of them, whether bad, neutral, or good in its light, only serves to worsen Kara's guilt.

She felt it manifest, thought it was the worst part of the grief process. Then she could  _feel_  her regret fester the more she read and watched coverage on yet another Luthor's downward spiral to an end. Her heart wrenched with every slander and accusation thrown at Lena even after she died, because according to the Daily Planet her death was a 'good riddance'; Kara's heat vision was quick to melt the newspaper, and Clark was lucky he was not the author of it, because she would have flown all the way to Metropolis to give him a piece of her mind.

Kara sighed at the caller ID.

Her sister. A little over ten missed calls.

She did not really have the energy to pick it up for a conversation. It was the middle of the night, she was utterly exhausted, and her big sister was probably going to check up on her again after yet  _another_  week of nothing on changes in Lena.

If Kara was being honest, she was slowly losing hope, feeling a part of it drain with each silent passing day.

She took a breath, then pressed the verdant call button.

"Hey," she answered.

"Kara!" Alex's voice was panicked.

The Kryptonian bolted upright. "What's wro—"

"She's awake!"

Kara froze and her heart lurched against her chest, an ineffable silence rendering her in some mental liminal space.

"Wh-What?" she finally managed to rasp out.

"Lena's awake!"

* * *

Kara had never flown so fast in her life, and she was sure the sonic booms she made breaking the sound barrier would have deafened any living thing within a mile radius.

She could see the room Lena was kept in down the hall. She was so close, her hand reaching prematurely and eagerly for the door handle.

Then a strong hand against her chest stopped her in her tracks.

Kara growled in frustration and snapped her head up, " _What_?"

"Supergirl," Alex urged, "I don't think visiting her is a good idea right now. I suggest—"

The Kryptonian shrugged off her sister's hand and pushed forward, the agent behind her heaving a sigh.

Kara pushed the handle down and gently swung open the door with a soft click from the mechanism.

"Lena?" she whispered gently.

The woman on the bed was clothed in a white medical gown—it matched the sickly pallor of her skin that developed a sheen of cold sweat. She was sitting up, her head dipped down to her lap.

She was frozen, and as Kara got closer and knelt beside her bed, she could make out shock colored into her green eyes darting here and there, but not really focusing. Her entire body was trembling, her breaths were ragged and uneven, and it seemed forever since she blinked.

"Lena?" she called again.

There was no reply, only silence once more.

"Supergirl."

Kara turned around.

"I'd like for you to come over here," Dr. Hamilton requested near the door, "I need to discuss some issues about Ms. Luthor."

She gave Lena one last longing look before reluctantly getting up. She would only be a few feet away, and her friend would still be in her sight. But after what happened and with so much time apart, she found it immensely difficult to not remain vigilant around the Luthor.

Kara frowned and faced the doctor, making sure her peripheral vision had the patient in sight.

"Yes?"

The woman cleared her throat and flipped through the papers on her clipboard, her voice soft, "She woke up several minutes before you came." Dr. Hamilton shook her head and sighed, "She has no response to stimuli. Eyes won't follow my finger, so I took out the flashlight—she didn't even flinch. She won't move, won't react to touch, and she's been in a coma for quite a while, so I thought she'd be interested in some solid food and water to drink orally so I don't have to have fluids transferred intravenously." Dr. Hamilton shook her head, "The trauma has made her catatonic and dissociated."

"How long will it be until she returns to normal?" Kara asked, desperation lacing her tone.

Another head shake, "I'm afraid she won't be able to 'return to normal'. She'll likely need therapy, and I strongly recommend a psychologist and psychiatrist that she could see after following up with her physician at National City General Hospital. When Ms. Luthor regains the ability to speak and function properly, I'll be able to give her a psychological evaluation. If she passes, we can both discuss those matters and she can determine the best course of action to take."

Kara sank into the seat across from her friend next to the exit and buried her face into her hands. "Can I stay with her?"

Dr. Hamilton examined the hero with a slightly pitiful expression.

"Of course."

Then she left, and Kara was alone, looking out to Lena, who had not moved a muscle since she arrived.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Constructive criticism appreciated.


	6. Oblivion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on FF as Local-Asshole.**
> 
> **Sorry for yet _another_  long wait, but at least this chapter isn't too awfully written.**

# Oblivion

* * *

"Lena," Kara whispered, placing her hand over her friend's—her fingers were cold, almost as if they were encased in ice.

"Come back to me," she begged softly, squeezing Lena's hand with her fingers. "Please..."

Silence.

Kara hung her head in misery; it was yet another day of absolutely nothing—nothing except for her shaky breaths and the tremors that traveled through her limbs.

It seemed the universe was working against her.

Dr. Hamilton received the Luthor just two days ago and since then she had been concerned about Lena's lack of sleep as she generally remained awake throughout the night, closing her sunken eyes to take micro naps here and there.

The green of her irises seemed to have jaded, glazing over with some sort of veil that barred her from reality and imprisoned her mind. Her appearance was haggard and scrawny, the gauntness of her body accentuating her bones—the shape of her jaw, cheeks, and collar seemed to be more prominent than before. The silky black tresses were tangled into some messy knots and her lips were cracked—she often refused food and water unless it was an absolute necessity in favor of being still, laying in bed with a wistfully vacant look in her eyes.

"Lena," Kara called out again, sliding her chair closer. Her other hand caressed the woman's cheek, the heat of her warm palm sinking into the cold flesh.

"It's me," she breathed, pulling the curtain of dark strands behind Lena's ears so she could see her face more clearly. "It's Kara."

There was no acknowledgement, no recognition, no reaction.

And it was frustrating, etching that familiar upsetting crinkle between blonde brows.

Kara shook her head, recalling all her futile attempts to stir something inside Lena; she was met with failure each time, the next time she tried always harder and more cumbersome to bear.

"J'onn," she called out.

The Martian entered, watching Kara's interactions with a stern sort of sympathy, and he startled a little at the determined look in her eyes—blue and fiery.

"I need you to link my mind with Lena's."

J'onn's expression was one of surprise, and a little pained.

"Supergirl..."

" _Please_ ," Kara begged, "I need to understand, I need to see what went through her head when she decided—" a deep breath, "—decided that  _this_..." she gestured to the bed supporting the broken woman, "...was the best option."

J'onn folded his arms and sighed, shutting his eyes to sink deep in thought, brows creased pensively.

"You're going up a blind alley, Kara," he warned softly, "Are you sure about this? I'd have to forge a one-way link, the instant onslaught of years of pain could be too much for you to tolerate. You'll be experiencing her worst days first-hand."

"I'm sure," came the unhesitating answer.

And maybe it was a fool's errand, but even so, she wanted to  _empathize_ — _understand_. If she could fight a losing battle, she could fight an uphill battle, and she refused to allow Lena slip through her fingertips again. She would do whatever it takes, even experiencing the rawness of her emotions and feelings within a split second.

J'onn nodded in acquiescence, sliding a stool next to the suffering hero. He placed a large, calloused palm over Kara's hand, which covered Lena's own. He inhaled deeply and closed his eyes, the Kryptonian following suit.

An exhale. Then...

* * *

_A blaring ring stirred Lena from her sleep, splitting her ears apart. She smacked her hand onto the alarm, silencing the shrill sound._

_She blinked her eyes open and let her arm dangle off the edge of the bed, her vision adjusting to the dimness of her room—the curtain had a small crack, revealing the light entering through the window._

_Lena flipped around to the other side, splaying her arm across the mattress; her bed was much too large for one person, but she purchased it anyway, lest her room would feel too big—too lonely. She had not imagined the size of the bed would replace her worries about the space of her room, every night and every day reminding her of her lonely curse with its vast emptiness._

_Lena often regretted buying such a ridiculously sized bed, she should have bought a single instead—she was still in her sleep anyway—but the resulting expanse of space in her room would inevitably remind her of her aloneness anyway._

_Lena also had one pillow. She knew she would never have guests over, much less someone close enough to share her bed with her, whether platonic, romantic, or familial._

_And visiting Kara's apartment had been quite the shocker for her, that woman's bedroom was filled with pillows of all colors, shapes, and sizes._

" _Alex crashes here a bit, and I have sleepovers with Lucy, Maggie, and Susan—she's an agent from the DEO like my sister—too," Kara had said nonchalantly, with a casual shrug._

_Lena loathed to admit to herself that the simple statement left a subtle bitter taste on her tongue._

_Companionship was plentiful in Kara's life, and the painful absence of one was often masked with one or more._

_But she gave her best friend a small smile and moved on, the image of the oversized bed that she came back to at the end of the day—alone—burned into the back of her mind the rest of the day._

_But Lena often did not let herself succumb to her solitude, or more so became accustomed to it. It did not make the pain go away, only masked it, hid it until it was buried so far it was but a hum—undistracting, but unrelenting._

_It became more prominent, the realization of her isolated state, the more she spent time with Kara._

_Lena opened her luxurious refrigerator and retrieved her first meal of the day, one of the salads she made Jess purchase at the local grocery. Then she walked over to the expensive coffee machine to pick up her drink and settled onto the dining table—her dining table. Mostly because she was the only person who sat and ate on it; it was round and a little bigger than student desks in elementary schools, but probably more expensive than sixty of those cheap wooden things. Lena's was constructed from sturdy glass and metal with a single chair to complement it and a single person to occupy it._

_She took a sip of her black coffee, the familiar bitterness bringing her back to another fond yet solemn memory._

_Lena remembered raising a curious brow when she had entered Kara's apartment, attacked by a mix of pleasant aromas and burnt odors._

_And smoke. Drifting from the kitchen._

_Lena remembered asking, "What's with all the food?" with an amused expression pulling her lips upward._

_She remembered Kara giggling, "I took Alex and Maggie home after their date—they got wasted and I had to crash on the couch, and now I'm making them breakfast!"_

_There was a glint in her eyes and a gleeful grin. She had looked a bit ludicrous with whipped cream streaked on her face. And the unruly blonde locks. And the clearly worn apron with puppies and different colored smudges painting the cloth, no doubt from ancient catastrophic times when she made food—it had seen better days, but the blonde probably could not bear to part with it._

_Lena did not have the luxury of time, she could not stuff her pantries with ingredients, there was no time to cook. She filled her refrigerator with average-sized pre-made foods for quick or on-the-go bites. It was convenient. So the pantries were left empty, and the sight probably would have given the food-loving Kryptonian a heart attack. Her routine was always the same, regardless of holidays._

" _Join us?" Kara had asked, had begged with a hopeful sparkle in her eyes._

_And Lena, she could not help but say yes._

_And maybe, maybe she had regretted that decision—just for a heartbeat—when she had sat on the large dining table fit for two families, when she had compared this foreign experience with her own._

_When she had realized that this—_ this _—was what she wanted, but could not get._

_So she had mourned, silently, for her younger self who was unable to properly experience such closeness like most other children._

_Despite the ache that had settled in her chest, she had found herself loving the moment, and loving it more when Kara rambled about her passion of food with a jumpy childlike enthusiasm. When there was that subsequent wrinkling of her eyes as she flashed that bright white toothy smile to blind all those within proximity. When she fidgeted all nervously as everyone took a bite into her food. When she pouted and that crinkle appeared between her eyes when they all forcefully swallowed their bile down._

_But Lena had smiled, all genuine and sincere, and politely complimented the food, because as cute as Kara was pouting, she was cuter when she was laughing and grinning with joy._

_And maybe she had loved the moment even more when Alex retched, "Never ever,_ ever _, cook again._ Ever _."_

" _But Lena loves it!" Kara had protested with hands on her hips, "Don't you, Lena?"_

_There was an elbow nudging into her ribs gently, and she nodded in agreement._

_Kara had stuck her tongue out, "See?"_

_But Alex and Maggie had known better, side-eyeing the Luthor with deadpanned looks._

_And maybe Lena's smile had faltered slightly when Kara swore she would cook food for her best friend "forever and ever and ever"._

_Alex had snorted and Maggie had nearly failed to hold in a snicker._

_But Lena could not bring herself to care, because the tight hug and the melodic "I love you" that had followed was all that mattered, and she had returned the embrace with energy that rivalled even Supergirl's._

_And the emptiness of her pantries was not all true. She had a cupboard that was stacked, clustered even, both taken from and filled every week. The contents were especially helpful to induce her to sleep, often on her sofa or work desk whenever the melatonin failed to do its job of temporarily eliminating her insomnia._

_Which was not often until it became so._

_There were days, days when she would indulge. It was often when she was at her abode, doing paperwork on her couch with the news channel on to distract herself from the self-loathing thoughts that would creep and lurk and encroach upon her._

_But the comfort of working on her couch became less common, then rare, then absent because of the hateful Luthor slander since her arrival to National City. There was no escape._

_Music replaced the television as her background noise, and the safe feeling of the sofa's cushions was replaced with a cold stool and a desk too alike to her pristine L-Corp office._

_Lena faltered more, gave in more to the intoxicating alcohol just sitting there, several feet away from her, stored in the cupboard. She was exhausted and she was tired, tired of laying in bed every night in an ungodly hour staring at the ceiling and waiting for sleep to calm her million-miles-a-minute brain and claim her._

_The sweet bliss of rest was too tempting for Lena to ignore, and the fire burning down her throat and into her stomach was too addicting to stop._

_She often awoke to cramps and tightness in her muscles due to her small sofa, the singleness of it really giving no indication that it wanted to be the subject of a human rocketing to a hangover._

_Lena recalled coming over to Kara's apartment for a movie night, just the two of them._

_It was a Disney movie. Of course. But it was endearing nonetheless._

_Not the films though, God no. They were a little misogynistic, especially the older princess movies, and there just_ had  _to be romances here and there because apparently there was no love other than romantic love._

_Of all their marathons Lena enjoyed The Princess and the Frog and Mulan for presenting romance on equal footing with a strong female lead. She especially loved Moana in that aspect the most, coupled with a platonic love story between her and Maui. Then there was Frozen showcasing a familial love story, but her thoughts of Lex often drifted to darker places._

_Lena often scoffed at the other movies, but she found that Kara's excitement was not in the romantic love stories, but in the settings where they took place—all of them magical and fantastical in their own little ways; her adoration of the Disney princesses was one built from curiosity and eagerness to be immersed into a world anew._

_Lena remembered her look of shock when Kara had said, "Why are you sitting so cramped like that? You know, I bought this big couch for a reason, so there's a ton of leg room," she gestured accordingly to the empty space, then whispered, "Usually there isn't leg room 'cause I hog it all, but I'll make an exception for you. Just don't tell Alex—I swear one day she's going to use kryptonite to kick me out of my own couch."_

_Lena just gawked as Kara turned back to fixate her attention to the screen._

_Slowly, gradually, she began to unwind herself from her tight position. Her knees were no longer pressed into her chest and she finally relaxed, splayed out more and her legs were rested atop the cushions, and she thought she imagined the sun's pleased smile from the corner of her eye._

_Kara had shifted her position to lay her head on Lena's thighs, hugging her legs loosely._

" _Comfy, right?" she had whispered._

_Indeed, and Lena could not bring herself to care about the intense cramping later into the movie._

* * *

_Then it happened._

_The Daxamite invasion._

_Since then the guilt had been monumental, perpetual._

_Kara's brokenness at another loss would scar Lena, haunt her even after death._

_Her best friend suffered, then she began to pull away, and Lena was so sensitive about their friendship that she could actually feel it, feel their bond tug. Her attempts to rekindle anything were all stamped down, not intentionally, but still cruelly. She could not blame Kara's avoidance, she was unaware she was doing it, even to her other friends and family. Even so, Lena was the only person the Kryptonian cut nearly all ties with._

_She had thought that perhaps she was finally gifted a genuine bond to cherish for her endurance._

_But Kara became distant and detached, grieving for another loss. Lena was eager to repair things, fix it however she could, and she continued to reach out day after day and week after week._

_It was all the little things that hurt, all the small changes no matter how trivial: shirking off friendly invites with half-baked excuses, no spontaneous visits to L-Corp, no texts or calls about Snapper's infuriating behavior, no answers when contacted, clipped and chopped sentences to end conversations when speaking to one another was inevitable..._

_And it hurt, but she felt she deserved it for indirectly hurting her best friend._

_And maybe Kara pushing people, pushing Lena, away was her method of coping._

_But Lena needed to cope too, and the memory of blue eyes bleeding with concern about her work hours and alcohol intake were all but erased._

_She remained at L-Corp more often, stayed up later than usual, slept less than usual, and that was all saying something. She probably did not sleep a wink since the invasion, staying up night after night to spend her time on schematics to bring back Mon-El. Anything to bring the light back to the sun. And Lena knew deep down that Kara would recover without him, she had lost so much, and she would always get back up._

_The device was more for herself, a futile attempt to eliminate the guilt that churned her stomach and made her nauseous._

_Lena found herself deteriorating more and more with every rejection from Kara, with every hateful word uttered from people's lips without someone to reassure her. She made several trips to the doctor's and at least three to the hospital due to overworking; malnutrition, dehydration, fatigue, muscle cramps, weakness, headaches, nausea, sleep deprivation... Her heart suffered arrhythmia due to electrolyte imbalances (i.e. her constant consumption of caffeine that she subsisted on instead of water), and her menstrual cycle was whack._

_In her attempt to control extenuating circumstances, she relinquished control of herself, her health..._

_And it worsened after the Black Mercy incident, she became reclusive and her neglected mental health continued to spiral down and manifest until she made, what she probably would still argue, the best decision of her entire life._

_Lena came so far because of Kara's support, because of Jess's unwavering loyalty that bordered on professional and personal, because of the admiration of her employees that she always made sure to take care of._

_Suddenly holidays had meaning. Suddenly her birthday mattered—she would never forget that Kara had rushed to the bakery to purchase a cake when she figured it out. She came into L-Corp near midnight with the meager little thing bathed in frosting with a single crooked candle lit on top. At the end of the night Kara had a delicious green beard that she swore she could lick off only using her tongue, and most of Lena's face was covered in sweet sugary goodness when she was assaulted with a cake._

_Then...then she was back to square one. Where holidays and her birthday were nothing more than any other day, where they blurred into her work schedule and passed without so much as a second thought. Her routine never changed._

_And maybe it was better that way._

_Then Kara came back, but the damage had already been done. Their interactions did not change much, but Lena always made sure that she was a step back emotionally, realizing that even her biggest supporter and friend would walk away from her._

_Until that happened, her lunches were always reserved for Kara._

_Whether the Black Mercy occurrence was an incident or accident remained a mystery, but Lena was not occupied with that detail._

_She was more fixated on the alien itself, felt the desperate obsession for it drag her feet through any obstacle to seek a fool's paradise. Paranoia followed soon after, when Kara's skepticism grew, when she paid extra attention to Lena's speech and behavior, when she started noticing the little imperfections—flaws—in her routine. Lena was working against time; her friend would find out and she would be restrained and sent to a facility to abate her chaotic mind._

_Lena's eyes lit up when she was notified of the successful capture of a Black Mercy, and for a fraction of a second that blinding happiness made every moment with Kara combined pale in comparison._

* * *

"Agh!"

Kara flinched back into reality, cradling her pulsing head, tears pouring down her cheeks.

When she finally glanced up, J'onn was out of his seat and pinching the bridge of his nose, almost as if he was attempting to soften an irksome headache—he must have had more experience, because Kara felt like her head would split open.

"Did you...did you see— _feel_ —all that?" she choked out.

He nodded, almost monotonously, "Yes."

"Did you, uh, see into my mind?"

He shook his head, "No, I can't read Kryptonian minds, but I can link them—it works with other species I'm unable to establish a psychic connection with."

Kara's shoulders dropped as she glanced at Lena's unchanged position.

"J'onn?" she called softly.

There was no answer, but she knew he was there.

"Was that what you saw that day?" came the inquiry.

"What day?"

"The day Lena came back from the Black Mercy. Right after she woke up and left you seemed...distressed."

There was a slow nod in her peripheral vision and the Martian shrugged uncomfortably.

Kara sighed, tangling her fingers back into her friend's, "Can you give us a moment?"

A click followed and they were alone again.

* * *

Lena's pain was different than Kara's own.

The contrast between their experiences with loneliness was immensely different.

Kara lost her entire world, and she struggled with acceptance and being able to fit in with another planet's inhabitants. She felt lost, and sometimes continued to feel lost to this day. She had suffered that heartache in her early years on Earth; she was the last of her kind who retained Krypton's memories.

Eventually, she was able to assimilate and find something akin to belonging—similar to the pleasant hominess she felt when she remembered Krypton. Now she could not imagine any other home besides Earth, her planet being such a faraway memory—she missed Krypton still of course, felt that homesickness clawing at her when the solitude became too much to bear.

But Lena's loneliness was different. She was shunned by aliens and humans alike, by her own kind, who refused to accept her because of atrocious actions her family participated in, and others hating her for not following in her family's footsteps to conserve humanity. Negative opinions of the Luthors were something that were shared between aliens and humans, that they could agree on despite their differences.

Thus Lena was shunned—a Luthor defect to all—the loneliness that she experienced was lifelong and she had never really known companionship. Lex was dead to her ages ago, and what little semblance of real family she had was crushed. Her relationship with Jack was too short for her to be able to familiarize herself with the concept of friends.

Then Kara came, introducing the idea to her again, piercing through her walls with alarmingly relative ease. She was the only person Lena had, the only person Lena could count on, the only one Lena could be vulnerable with. And it was mutual.

Kara's loneliness was a lack of belonging, being lost and confused due to the traumatic loss of Krypton.

Lena's loneliness was one of self-deprecation, punishing her with an eternity of yearning for companionship and approval. It cursed her with naivety, as she demonstrated with Rhea, a mother-figure she so desired. It convinced Lena that if she wanted companionship, she should seek it somewhere far away where no one knew what a burden a Luthor was. It was still fresh—raw and tender—even if she managed to 'dull' the pain into a constant low, vibrating hum.

Kara's pain came in flashes that were high in intensity, the pain absolutely  _unmatched_. But it was often silenced by her family and friends she found upon Earth. They supplanted her, gave her stable ground to stand on, and she returned the gesture for them.

Lena's pain never came in flashes—it was always there, not too weak or too strong, just so she knew it was there. It was constant torture. Sometimes it would gradually stack, sometimes growing exponentially the longer she bottled her tormented emotions like the fine wine in her cabinets. The pain had eventually engraved itself into Lena, befriending her, and many times it was the only companion she knew with the absence of family and friends. Even if it seemed dull, it still  _hurt_ , and it often made sure of that when Lena found her mood lightening in the company of Kara.

" _Don't forget about me," it said, "I've been your friend longer."_

It knew where to poke and prod, knew where her weak points were, and it made its hits count.

But Kara was always there, mentoring Lena, and believing in Lena...teaching Lena that there existed a type of love separate from Lillian's—one that did not inflict irreparable emotional and physical damage.

No. Kara could never make Lena's pain stop. And Lena could never make Kara's pain stop either. But Kara showed her how to scar faster, recover quickly without mess, and maybe some wounds were healed to perfection if coupled with Jess's and her other employees' concerns with her eating habits—or rather lack of eating. And maybe game nights with badly cooked food were saving graces too.

* * *

Kara let her tears fall, gently brushing the back of Lena's hand with her thumb.

"I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I promised, and I intend to keep it," she mumbled, placing a chaste kiss to her temple.

It was then Lena's familiar viridescent eyes passed the unseen threshold. Back into reality ever since melancholy asked her to bend over—a woeful deed to clip her wings.

And bend over Lena did, putting on illusory happiness, but it was an anatomy of happiness nonetheless—a design carefully constructed, its form sinister, to enfeeble and attenuate.

Lena's eyes finally glanced to the side, and only her eyes, as if the rest of her body was still incapacitated, still struggling to chase the immediate.

Relief entered Kara, the deliverance from her abysmal pain immeasurable. Though the cure for her affliction was short-lived, and her aching heart throbbed a wicked sickness at the sight of boundless green, pallor complexion, gaunt flesh...

And a murmur destitute.

"Why am I alive..."

Forlornness carved into blue eyes, the lack of her companion's willful spirit deep enough to scar—so deprived of ardor and so devoid of certainty.

"I saved you," Kara smiled, all through the somberness that flooded down her cheeks, "Just in the nick of time actually..."

Lena's eyes dropped harshly, dipping to the sun's warm hand that covered her own with a tentative, but comforting, squeeze.

Then she pulled her fingers away—slowly, silently, but mercilessly.

It was then the grimness of the situation took hold, suffocating them both with cruel and corrupted palms.

There was no stiffness, no rigidity to Lena, whose shoulders were deflated in an unfamiliar display of defeat.

It was foreign— _bizarre_ —and unfathomable.

The woman was a stranger.

It was then Kara was struck with a stark realization.

Lena was still gone, lights on but no one there—not all there, not entirely—and this form of paradoxical loss was new and awful; the pain did not disappear like Kara thought it would.

It adapted.

She felt horror creep into her lungs and linger there, tightening her chest with each breath, each inhale, each exhale.

The fractured shell of Lena Luthor welcomed a fresh and ominous crack.

It was daunting, and Kara was utterly terrified of what she would eventually—inevitably—find inside it.

The situation tightened its grip.

Squeezing.

Strangling.

Forceful.

 _Menacing_.

Kara choked under the malice's grasp.

Then a mocking voice, acidic and venomous—in the deepest recesses of her subconscious—whispered...

_You shouldn't have saved her._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Constructive criticism appreciated.**


	7. Pyrrhic Victory

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on FF as Local-Asshole.**
> 
> **YAY! NOT AS LONG A WAIT THIS TIME! WOOHOO! I HOPE YOU FUCKERS SUFFER! MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!**

# Pyrrhic Victory

* * *

"I need to put you on psychiatric hold."

Kara watched Lena blink from afar, her eyelids moving owlishly before her head tilted upwards to the doctor.

Her voice was tiny, quiet, the sound almost pitiful—just as defeated as the day she succumbed to the black mercy.

"No."

Dr. Hamilton paused, her stare firm and her stance grounded, "You need to commit, Miss Luthor."

"You can't forcefully institutionalize me," Lena protested, her tone aggravated, throat vibrating uncomfortably from disuse.

"On the contrary," the doctor started, "Under section fifty-one-fifty of the California Welfare and Institutions Code, the Lanterman-Petris-Short Act allows any qualified clinician to involuntarily confine patients deemed a threat to themselves. And last I checked, I'm a qualified clinician," her gaze softened significantly, and she lowered her voice. "You're unwell. Let me help you. I'd rather have this be voluntary, but I'll take any action necessary to seek the help you need."

Lena's jaw grinded and her hands clenched into fists, her lips tightening into a grimace as she turned away.

"Let me talk to her," Kara requested, looking at Dr. Hamilton with pleading eyes.

The woman nodded, "Of course, Supergirl," her attention momentarily focused onto her patient. "I'll be back to discuss the terms."

The door shut with a click, echoing through the tension of the room, and Kara felt her chest tighten when Lena did not even look up to acknowledge her presence. But she sighed anyway, clearing her throat to prepare.

"If you really don't want to be an inpatient, maybe we could compromise?" she suggested, her cadence a gentle and smooth velvet, "You could receive outpatient care instead—like a psychologist—and..." she coughed awkwardly, "...and stay with me."

The proposition had Lena finally angle her body towards her friend, her voice raspy, coarse as sandpaper, "What's in it for you?"

_Everyone always wants something._

The mumble was near silent, even Kara almost missed it. But her ears perked up when she finally registered the sentence, and her expression fell.

"Nothing. I don't want anything from you, Lena," she insisted, voice firmer yet still managing to keep it soft, "You'll have more freedom than in the hold. You'll be able to work and maybe go out or...I mean, personally I think it beats staying here. I-I...I want you to be happy, but it's all up to you and what you need."

Silence.

Then, "You  _know_  what I need," Lena choked out, imploring eyes squinting in a failed struggle to hold back tears.

Kara's expression darkened and she felt a growl low in her throat. She bitterly recalled the psychic link, recalled Lena's utterly misplaced joy when she finally captured a black mercy.

Kara's voice was angry and broken, almost snappish, "You're not going anywhere  _near_  a black mercy. Not if I can help it." She could feel her stomach hiss and recoil at the notion.

But something inside her twisted, contorted uncomfortably when the woman's only reply was in a reaction, as subtle as it was.

Lena shed more tears—the dam leaking—and she released a quiet whimper, both mourning for herself and beseeching for understanding, for sympathy.

For  _mercy_.

" _Please_ ," she begged, so feeble and so weak, so starved for deliverance it left her very soul emaciated and atrophied.

Still atrophying.

And only Supergirl could grant her salvation.

"We're friends," Kara whispered, pouring every ounce of love she could into her voice, "You're my  _best_  friend," she enveloped a cold and frail hand into her warm palms, nearly wincing at the sudden contrast of temperature. "I'm worried. I want to help y—"

Lena flinched belatedly at the contact, as if her nerves were still fallen behind and lagging, and she jerked away violently, the pale hand that was once held clenching the sweat damp sheets into a trembling fist. Her lips quivered with the slight tremors throughout her body—the trauma was still there, still raw, and maybe it would remain fresh forever.

Lena's response came in short gasps, choppy and disconnected as her emotions overflowed, "D-don't...don't want h-help. Need...I need..."

She cried out a sob, soft and pitiful as she unclenched her white-knuckles fists and buried her wet face into her palms—she stroked the tears away with her fingers in vain, but they were all quickly replaced. It was a fruitless endeavor.

Kara could not help the flash of hurt that sparked across her face, mangling her features into a regretful frown. She tilted her head up to meet Lena's eyes, a jaded forest fogged over with endless gray clouds. But there was something there, a haggard desperation; an unstoppable force against an immovable object—Supergirl.

Kara gave her friend a small, timid smile for reassurance, but it quickly faltered when the pair of dull green eyes snapped away with a shaky sigh.

"Fine..."

Kara's brows arched up, crinkling in confusion, "'Fine' what?"

"I'll...I'll stay with you," she swallowed, the audible gulp of hesitation and uncertainty quelled temporarily.

* * *

"You can be discharged now," Dr. Hamilton grumbled, clearly not quite happy with the outcome, "Your electromyography and nerve conduction velocity test results are overall good, but your somatosensory evoked potential is a bit..." she glanced at the electroencephalogram with a wrinkle between her brows, taking in the spikes and peaks.

"Slow," she finished.

"Why?" Kara further inquired when Lena showed no interest in learning more about her results.

"She experienced a grand amount of mental and emotional trauma. Her brain could be delaying responses to stimuli as protection for her mind."

Kara nodded slowly, eyes darting to Lena on the hospital bed; she was indifferent and disinterested—numb to her own well being.

Dr. Hamilton coughed, clearing her throat through the silence, "A word, Supergirl?"

Her expression was serious, giving no time for reply as she exited the room, Kara following with tentative steps.

Dr. Hamilton turned sharply just as the door clicked shut, her voice low, "I wanted to speak to you in private to discuss Miss Luthor's discharge; she has dysphoria, she's unhappy with her life, that's what led her to the black mercy—that much is clear. I mandate that when she moves in that you remove all sharp objects and bleach and other disinfectant products—lock them up so that only you can access it; lock anything possibly hazardous up, even long cords."

Kara inhaled sharply, folding her arms against her torso at all the implications, shoulders drooping as the doctor continued.

"Miss Luthor could be desperate enough to hurt herself or end her life by whatever means. You can never be too careful," she sighed, "And with the amount of alcohol consumption she's had the past few days, I recommend you keep her drinking to a minimum if not completely absent."

Kara gulped audibly, nodding, "I understand."

Dr. Hamilton straightened her posture, "I'm glad. She can be discharged now, please be careful."

"Of course."

* * *

"Is there anything here that you'd like to move back to my—" Kara turned away from the living room, her heart picking up when she caught sight of Lena in her monotonous bedroom—even more so in the night. She was still in the medical gown—she had stated her business clothes that she had worn before were uncomfortable. But it was cold out, and she was draped over with a heated blanket from the DEO's hospital bay.

Lena was sliding her finger, frail and ghostly, along the frame of a photo on her nightstand.

Kara quickly recognized it to be a memorable shot of them at a gala. A tiny smile played at the corners of her lips when she recalled the fond moment.

She grew concerned the more time silence had passed.

"Lena?" she called out softly, voice gentle but prodding enough to coax the woman back to the present.

Kara could see the jump in Lena's shoulders as she startled from her thoughts, and the Luthor quickly flipped the photo down a bit too roughly. Kara winced, found her chest tightening at the small crack she heard from the glass due to the force. Clearly it was a painful memory now for Lena, judging by the way her frame was shaking subtly—weak and feeble.

"Sorry," she apologized quietly, shifting her position so that Kara was able to see her profile as she looked at the photo of her and Jack. "What'd you ask?"

"Is there anything in particular you want to take home besides your clothes?" Kara repeated.

"My work; I have papers in my office. I'll get them."

"No, no," the Kryptonian insisted, "I'll get them. Anything else?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

The pain in Kara's chest increased tenfold at the fact that Lena did not even mention her only two personal possessions; she seemed keen on forgetting and on building her walls back up.

Kara prayed she would be able to tear that wall down again, brick by brick.

"Everything else is..." Lena paused in the midst of her explanation, "...unnecessary."

The Kryptonian set several boxes down and sped into the closet back and forth, stacking articles after articles of clothing. She successfully emptied the room out and packed three boxes within five seconds.

There was another wave of pain that settled deep in Kara's chest when she realized she had been expecting a comment; Lena tended to mutter a slightly amused quip or a sarcastic "impressive" when the superhuman abilities were displayed.

Instead there was silence, and Kara noticed her friend's head dipped down, her eyes focused anywhere but on her.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

Lena seemed to startle again, "What?"

Kara's brows furrowed, she was patient and gentle, no frustration at her friend's frequent mental absence. "What's on your mind?"

She eyed the human's still trembling form. "Are you cold?"

Lena shook her head, "I have documents filled with important research, I..."

She trailed off, and when it seemed as if she was unable to continue, Kara spoke, grabbing the bed sheets and stuffing them into another box, "I'm pretty sure I got all of your papers and books from your office, but I can look again if you'd like. Would it make you feel better?"

Another moment of silence.

"The papers. They're..." Lena started with a weak breath, her vocals slightly fried and tremulous, "...they're in my lab."

Kara bristled, she could feel the temperature shift and drop her surroundings into the cold of uncertainty—the ambience had darkened. She finally registered the torn fabric of the duvet in her hands, she had not even heard or felt it rip.

"O-Oh, s-sorry," she finally managed to squeak, stumbling over her words, "But I...I'm not sure if..."

Kara's eyes softened at the way Lena's body language tensed and curled in on itself; she crossed her arms tightly, her lips were pursed into a flat line, and her sharp jaw was clenched.

Kara sighed at her rigidity, "What's the research on the papers?"

She could hear the pearly molars grind together in irritation, but there was no reply.

That was answer enough.

"I can't," Kara whispered, "I can't give them to you. You can't have them. I...we have to go," she shook her head. "Let's go. C'mon." She lifted the boxes in an arm without so much as a huff and with the other handed the lightest one to her friend. They headed out to the vehicle and the Kryptonian opened the trunk and set the items inside.

"You can just stack it here, on the—Lena?"

Kara turned around, glancing side to side, and noticed her companion was missing. She ambled back to the entrance to see the last box overturned, fabric spilling out, as if the holder was in a haste and dropped it regardless of what was inside. Her head snapped up when she heard the hurried tap-tap of footsteps from the bedroom.

The hidden door was unlocked.

And Kara felt her heart constrict.

"Lena!"

She flew down and sprinted through the lab in a panic, instantly enveloping the woman into her arms.

"Get the fuck out of my way, Kara!" she cried, struggling feverishly.

The Kryptonian grimaced, "Stop! You can't have them! Lena, please! You have to let them go!" When the attempts at escape never ceased their intensity, she felt a familiar heat building around her temples, and Lena screamed at the sight of glowing blue eyes. "No! No, please don't! I'm begging you!"

"You're giving me no choice," Kara grunted, removing her glasses to turn around and unleash hell; terminals exploded, tools were charred to dust, papers burned as the laboratory was set alight.

Kara felt the ache in her heart shatter at the sound of a wretched scream, the wail mourning against the blaze of flames.

"How could you?" Lena sobbed, tears streaming down her cheeks. She lifted her fists and swung them down hard, releasing a barrage of strikes against the Kryptonian's chest, one after another even though she knew it would be of no use.

"How could you!" she weeped, trying to push against broad shoulders with more fervor.

Kara frowned and could not stop the tears pouring from her own eyes, taking in the sight of reddened hands that kept pounding and shoving against her chest repeatedly.

 _Red_.

A jolt of panic shot through Kara and she quickly restrained Lena's wrists, slick and warm from the sanguine fluid. "Stop! You're hurting yourself! Please!"

The words did not pierce through the woman's haze of fury and grief, and if she could not use her arms she would use her legs.

Kara felt her heart break over and over after every unforgivable keen that reached her ears. She finally managed to subdue Lena, pushing her towards the floor and cradling her, making sure she could not move and hurt herself any further.

Kara's throat throbbed from the urge to whimper, Lena embraced in her arms, but she remained strong and swallowed the bile of guilt. Her attempts to calm her friend's hysteria was met with resistance.

"Lena," she cooed, "Shhh. Hey, it's okay. You're okay." She failed to hold in a quiet sob, but mumbled a quiet prayer of thanks to Rao when she saw that there were no broken bones in Lena's knuckles. However, they were still purple and blue and green—severe bruising. They were surrounded by irritated swelling and cracks in the skin, dripping blood down to the elbows.

"I know it hurts," she uttered, "I know. But you can get through this. It's okay."

After a minute or two Lena stilled in Kara's arms, tired and defeated, her fragile body still shaking with whimpers here and there from witnessing the destruction of her only path to happiness.

Lena turned her head away, exhausted dark-ringed eyes half closed in distress, her face a mess of tears.

" _Stop hurting me..._ "

It was barely a whisper,  _so_  very muted and cracked, providing a tragic glimpse into a broken soul—such crippling despair.

And Kara heard, her perception so attuned—so narrowed—to Lena that she felt her heart stop for a split second when she processed it. Kara knew she was gentle, always soft with her touches, especially with humans. Although, she could not help but think that the statement was not about Lena's beaten hands, dripping blood onto the floor with endless splatters that echoed in Kara's ears.

She opted to wallow in sadness about it later. Right now her priority was Lena's safety, and she hastily jogged back up the stairs, careful not to let the woman look back at the blackened laboratory. She continued to coo gently, whisper sweet nothings into a vacant ear to overshadow the crackling licks of the fire behind them.

Kara stepped foot outside and realized how cold it was for a human to be out in such Thin medical garbs. She quickly opened the passenger door and slid Lena into the seat. Kara buckled her up and draped a cotton blanket over her lap, wrapping the bloody hands in napkins. Kara wiped her palms of the blood before moving to the driver's side and turning the headlights on. The engine sputtered and roared, vibrating its engine to life.

Kara side-eyed Lena, taking careful note of her behavior. The green eyes seemed to revert back to when they first opened at the DEO—detached and disconnected from everything; she had recalled Dr. Hamilton's information on Lena's dissociation, fluttering in and out of her state of awareness within reality.

Kara could only hope that it would fade by the time she got to her apartment.

* * *

It did, temporarily.

But the way Kara figured it out was not pleasant.

She parked her car in the lot and unbuckled, clicking the button for the seatbelt on the other side as well.

"Hey?" she questioned.

No answer.

Kara reached out, but the moment she touched the pale hand Lena flinched her whole body away.

" _Don't touch me_ ," she rasped. It was cold and menacing, and Kara felt the cruelty carve and twist all the way into her bones.

It seemed the dissociation did abate after the first half of the car ride, but for the last half Lena had simply been ignoring her, brewing in her dark thoughts.

It curled Kara's stomach in an unexpected way—it was a nauseating feeling. She could see the negative emotions circulating in those pitiful green eyes, darkening and hollowing them around the edges, pulling the skin down to form sleepless bags.

Rest was a luxury Lena could no longer afford.

Kara swallowed her hurt down and nodded tearfully, "Uh...ahem," she forced her voice not to crack, "Just come in whenever you feel ready. I'm going to bring the stuff in." She turned away and exited the vehicle, opening the trunk and retrieving the boxes, balancing the tower in one arm with her keys in the other hand. She clicked the lock button and the car beeped once Lena trudged out of the passenger side, following far behind.

Kara sighed and they both made their way up the stairs to her apartment. She unlocked the door and swung it open, setting the boxes down onto the floor next to the coffee table. Plopping heavily on the couch, she began to ease the tension in her muscles, but the relaxation did not last as Lena silently stormed into the bathroom.

A traitorous tear spilled over Kara's cheek, then another, but her pain was soundless as she ruminated over the agony Lena was in.

All because of her.

She did not mean to of course, she would never directly hurt her best friend. Never.

But unintentional actions that had those very consequences...those were unaccounted for, and now she was facing those repercussions.

Kara never meant to cause such irreparable suffering.

After what seemed like an hour of nothing, her worry finally culminated at last. She rose from her couch with a soft grunt and made her way to the front of the bathroom door. She gave three knocks, tentative yet firm.

"Lena?" she called gently.

Nothing.

Kara tugged the knob and it would not budge—it was locked, just as she expected. Guilt pooled in her stomach as she blinked, tilting her glasses downward and utilizing her x-ray vision—she would rather give her friend privacy, but the situation called for more invasive maneuvers.

Lena was curled into a ball in the farthest corner of the bathroom, her tears halted, but the dried tracks still gave evidence of her despair. It seemed her hands were no longer spilling, the blood crusted onto her skin. Kara also noted that she stopped shaking, all the tremors within her body in a standstill as she blankly stared ahead to nothing, her expression vacant and devoid of all emotion.

"Please come out."

Lena did not so much as twitch at the plea.

When it became clear that she was not in a state of awareness, Kara left, but told her she was going to unpack—just in case.

She made sure to check in with her vision often, every five minutes as she used her speed to quickly hang up the fancy clothes in the other half of her closet. Then Kara eyed the cutlery in her kitchen with suspicion; she had faith in Lena that she would not hurt herself, but she was skeptical after the woman's desperate display twenty minutes ago. So she sighed and gathered all the sharp objects she could possibly find: knives, forks, scissors...even pens and pencils, and she hid them away—out of sight out of mind.

A sniffle in the distance caught her ear and she sped outside the bathroom as fast as possible, activating her x-ray vision in a panic. Overall, Lena's position had not changed, she was still curled up, knees to her chest in the corner. But her hands were clenched into fists and pressed against her ears, her eyes squeezed tight as tears ran down her face.

"Lena!"

Kara's apprehension skyrocketed when she heard the sobs gradually become more audible and uncontrolled. And Lena was bleeding again, the liquid slowly dribbling down with all the white-knuckled tension in her hands.

"Lena!"

Kara's brows furrowed with determination and she ripped off the handle of the knob and pushed the door in. She slid next to Lena on her knees, the human's racing heartbeat pounding in her ears coupled with the uneven gasps. Her quivering came back full force, chilled sweat beading on the surface of her skin.

Kara cupped her face with her palms, eyes wide with worry.

"You're okay. I'm right here. It's okay."

Her soft murmurs went ignored, Lena's eyes glazed over with dizziness and an almost-present haze. She was going to faint if the hyperventilating kept up. So Kara grabbed the bloody fists and dragged them away from Lena's ears, gently forcing the muscles to unclench and open up. Once she did, she interlaced their fingers together and squeezed tenderly.

The woman's chest and lungs still contracted, and from what Kara could see it was an unpleasant feeling—the wrinkles on Lena's forehead increased in depth and her rapid breaths had intervals of heartbreaking whimpers.

"Hey. Look at me," Kara begged, "Please."

The woman still could not escape from her panic, so the Kryptonian took her into her arms and cradled her, making sure Lena's face was pressed against her shoulder to obscure her vision. Kara's thumb moved of its own accord, rubbing soothing and feathery circles around pointed, bruised knuckles.

"Breathe with me. Slow, deep breaths," she instructed, just barely managing to be calm and collected, "Just like this."

Lena struggled with complying, so Kara brought the woman's hand up to the center of her chest, her thumb never ceasing its ministrations.

"Inhale and exhale. To the sound of my heartbeat. Feel it."

Kara controlled her breathing to a slower pace, for Lena's sake—it would do no good if they were both in a volatile state. But eventually, the excitement of the situation diminished, dwindling into a melancholic tranquility.

Kara slowly rose from the floor with Lena in her arms and brought her to the bedroom, laying her down carefully on the sheets and covering her body with a thick blanket. As she attempted to straighten her body, she felt resistance, and she glanced down to see a red hand clutching her button-up for dear life.

"You can let go..." Kara whispered, half-smile pulling one end of her lips up. She pried the grip off, finger by finger, and rested the trembling arm down before taking out the first-aid kit from the bathroom.

She wetted a towelette with water and wrung it out in the bathroom sink, then she brought it out along with gauze, ointment, and disinfecting alcohol.

The first contact with the hand towel had Lena wincing, the fibers cleaning off the fresh and dried blood. But there was a hiss of pain when Kara swiped the disinfectant over the open wounds, then a partially relieved sigh from the ointment that was rubbed on her tender flesh. Bandages were finally wrapped around Lena's hands.

The skin would be raw for awhile, the pain cumbersome though manageable, and the Luthors knew how to tolerate hardship well.

Kara gave the injuries a twice over and nodded to herself in approval, going back into the bathroom to place the supplies back.

The mirror above her sink gave her pause.

Her appearance was disheveled, blonde strands wisping out of the loose hair tie, thick black-framed glasses skewed...

Her favorite shirt, she saw, had a handprint on it—painted with crimson—from the bloody fingers that clamped down on the fabric so hard the cloth wrinkled. Kara frowned, raising her hands up higher, observing the sort-of-wet blood that had already begun its crusting process, several dried parts flaking off onto the porcelain sink. A tremulous breath escaped her lungs, her chest shaking.

Kara furiously scrubbed the blood off with water and soap, spending five minutes washing even if her skin was already perfectly spotless. She had not even noticed the tears slipping past her cheeks until she patted her hands with a towel.

She took one last long look at the mirror and strode out to retrieve her pajamas and slipped into the comfy cotton, throwing her other clothes into the laundry.

Kara flicked off all the lights and settled into the covers, gazing sadly at her best friend; she could feel the guilt and regret weighing on her chest and shoulders get heavier.

Lena was in the same unmoving position, though closer to the edge, as when she was placed down; she was on her back, staring up at the ceiling, her expression unreadable with restless creases—perhaps it was empty as usual, barren of emotion.

Maybe permanently so.

Kara shook her head aggressively, as if to force the arduous thought out of her mind. She could not bear to keep her eyes on the figure any longer and scooted to the far end on her side, back facing Lena as she waited to succumb to sleep.

Slumber came later into the night, but it was harder to find that salvation.

And the grave realization that the losses severely eclipsed Kara's victory—her success—in saving Lena only served to make the burden upon her shoulders even more cumbersome; maybe this miserable torment was not worth it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Constructive criticism appreciated.**
> 
> **Also, don't worry, I've decided on a happy ending. :)**
> 
> **Eventually. >:)**


	8. Cri de Coeur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on FF as Local-Asshole.**
> 
> **HAVE FUN, FUCKERS.**

# Cri de Coeur

* * *

"Breakfast?"

Kara leaned her shoulder against the frame of her bedroom, a plate of scrambled eggs and toast sat upon her hand.

She addressed the figure buried under the lumps of blankets again when there was only silence, tone firmer and more frustrated.

Her finger flicked the room's lights on.

" _Lena_."

The woman flinched at the sudden brightness and curled inward even farther.

Kara took a shallow breath to control her impatience and grit her teeth, stern, "You need to eat. Now. You've barely had several bites of food the past week, you must be starving."

Her frown deepened when there was more expected silence.

"Fine," she huffed, setting the plate down on the nightstand with a clank. "Eventually you have to eat something. I'd like to at least see that the eggs are gone by the time I get back from dealing with Snapper. Twenty minutes."

Kara shook her head and closed the door, picking up her phone to scroll through the log and pressing the call button.

"Ponytail!" Snapper shouted angrily, "What do you mean you need three weeks off?"

She pinned her device between her ear and shoulder before heading to her kitchen sink, rolling up her sleeves so she could wash the dishes.

"It's a family issue," Kara mumbled, grabbing the sponge and soaking it in hot soapy water. Then she began her routine absentmindedly, cleaning the dishes at a relatively human speed - she did give Lena twenty minutes after all.

"Family issue?" Snapper grumbled questioningly.

Kara's brows knitted together and began to scrub harder at each set of dirty dinnerware. She found his suspicion slightly irksome, but managed to be polite, "Yes, sir."

"And this isn't you shrugging off your job 'cause your feelings were hurt, right? Like your angst-fest with that Mike intern last year?"

Heat gathered in her chest, she could feel her lungs puff up, fully prepared to bite back with an outburst. Ever since Lena moved in a little over a week ago things had been immensely more difficult, not that the woman was at all 'high maintenance'; the issue was the exact opposite. Kara would go out to quickly take care of minor alien threats here and there, never anything too time consuming, but she would always come back to her apartment to see Lena either working too much or laying in bed in the same spot and position, regardless if she was awake the entire time.

Nothing seemed to change. Lena's food was almost always left untouched, the portions gradually getting smaller and smaller to avoid too much waste.

Kara shook her head and scrubbed the dishes faster, her attention occupied, all worried about the same woman with dull green eyes day after day.

It was just so difficult to convince Lena to eat more than simply pick and prod at meager bits of her meals, and Kara found herself getting desperate - she felt as if time was running out, that she needed to be faster, to rush progress so that Lena would not die of starvation; she was so gaunt, her bones becoming even bonier, her angular features sharpening in a haggard fashion.

It was a grim sight, her cadaverous appearance.

And Lena's innate Luthor habit of overworking, that was even more difficult to try and persuade her out of; L-Corp was prioritized over her health - a lot of things were prioritized over herself actually. Kara was generally optimistic, always noticing the tiny steps forward and the small victories she gained despite the obstacles, but she found no improvement in Lena; she was worsening sluggishly, each breath more difficult than the last. She was wasting away into nothing but skin and bones. She never intentionally tried to kill herself since she moved in, but it was as if her will to live was nonexistent - she did not care, she just gave up.

And Kara could only watch.

And she would not stop trying.

She  _needed_  to see something, some emotion - no vacant gazes, empty expressions. She knew the concept of personal space was important, but her patience was wearing incredibly thin.

Kara's thoughts were taken out of the vacuum of her mind and back to reality at Snapper's bite.

"Or is your  _issue_  'cause of your friend Luthor? Apparently rumors have it she almost died, lots of theories and conspiracies online and other news outlets. I'm going to need an exclusive on that pretty soon, Ponytail."

Kara clacked her jaw shut so hard her teeth shook, then she felt the plate in her hands crack, shattering under the weight of her fingers until the pieces were reduced to tiny granules.

Kara felt a rush of air blow from her nostrils in her irritation when Snapper referred to Lena with such...distaste - just like everyone else. Her shoulders fell.

No wonder Lena sought out the black mercy.

A low growl emanated from the back of Kara's throat as she washed the dust off of her hand and around the sink, tossing the larger shards into the trash.

Kara took her phone into her palm and breathed deeply before placing it back against her ear.

"With all due respect, sir, it's a  _family_  issue," she reiterated, "It's private. I can't disclose any information, the only thing you need to know is that my help is needed right now. Please," she almost begged, "If you need me to work sooner I will, you can give me a shorter time off, even for just a day - I just need to make sure everything is okay."

Snapper still seemed skeptical, but he relented, his voice never ceasing its demanding tone, "Fine, but be back  _exactly_  after three weeks, or you'll lose your job. You're a good employee, Ponytail, but you better make up for the three weeks when you come back to CatCo - no slacking off."

Kara breathed a sigh of relief, "Thank you so much."

The other line clicked and sounded with a monotonous drone, signaling that the call had ended.

She leaned tiredly against the kitchen counter, sliding her phone atop the polished granite. Then she brought a hand to her forehead, fingers hastily running through her blonde locks, nails brushing across her scalp as she pulled the strands back.

Kara released a stressful sound, a cross between a groan and a sigh, and she could feel the exhaustion clouding her vision and garbling her hearing.

And it was not even noon yet and she just wanted to fall back onto her comfy bed and sleep this entire black mercy thing into oblivion.

Kara chuckled, mirth and humor void, and rubbed her eyes - if she were not Kryptonian she would have had dark circles shading the rims of her sockets for days.

She shook her head and returned to the dishes, putting away the silverware neatly in her organized drawers; as time passed it became clear that Lena was either uninterested or indifferent to the idea of harming herself with any sharp object. The knives and forks were slowly transferred from the storage closets back into their rightful places. The cords too were plugged back in when needed - it seemed hanging was not an objective either.

Or perhaps Lena was too drained from the black mercy ordeal to even be able to move a muscle. Perhaps no way out was more ideal than succumbing to the black mercy's fake fantasies - a false peace. Lena was always the perfectionist when it came to things she wanted, she would never settle for less. But for a certain stuttering, stumbling, and clumsy blonde she was always willing.

Maybe that was why Kara was so paranoid all the time. Lena did not seek physical harm to release her trauma, she knew it was but a temporary bliss.

No, she was seeking something permanent, a way out mentally and emotionally - she never did enjoy making messes, everything needed to be in mint condition, and bloodied clothes and floors were not pristine.

Kara pushed in the drawers with quiet thuds and shuffled back into her bedroom.

Everything was the same, as expected.

And the food was untouched, also expected, but Kara would be lying if she said she did not have at least a tiny bit of hope.

She inhaled deeply and exhaled heavily from between her lips and listened. Her head was turned slightly to the side, her ears perked and ready to catch every sound in the room.

Lena's breathing was shallow, short, and uneven, but not erratic. Her heart beat slowly and quietly, a profound moment of serenity to observers without context.

Kara was attuned enough to Lena's habits that she picked up on many things: whether or not she was awake, whether or not she was hungry, whether or not she was thirsty...

This time Lena had fallen once again, a dissociative state snaking around her body and coiling her in a tight cage of isolation, much to Kara's dismay.

The frequent catatonia was preventing Lena from satiating her body's need for nutrients. There was a rare interest in water and an even more nonexistent interest in food unless the cravings became intolerable, so there was a sip there and a bite here, but never a full glass or an entire meal - just enough to get by.

Just barely. Otherwise she was subsisting on oxygen.

Lena always seemed to be on the precipice of something ominous, and something about that was foreboding - their hardships were not yet over.

Kara startled, standing up straight when she finally registered an insistent doorbell coupled with rapid knocking on against wood. She shook her head, silently cursing her introspection as she made her way towards the entrance and unlocked the bolt.

Kara's brows raised in surprise.

"Alex?" she cleared her throat, "Um, what are you doing here?"

They were not exactly on terribly good terms, things were still a bit tense after the hectic situation that was Lena and the black mercy. However, they both managed to mend some parts of their sisterhood, but the other wounds would take more time to scar over, the stitches still fragile and breakable.

"Came to check up on you," Alex answered curtly, folding her arms and striding into the apartment.

Kara narrowed her eyes at her older sister's standoffish demeanor, the aura giving an ambience of aloofness.

"Well, you've done it," Kara replied, snark in her tone evident, "So you're free to leave, but something tells me that's not the only thing you're here for."

She shut the door with a resounding click and gestured to her couch. Alex followed the movement, plopping onto the cushions and kicking up her legs to rest her heels atop the coffee table, arms still folded uncomfortably.

Kara sighed and rolled her eyes before sitting down next to her.

They remained silent on opposite ends of the couch, Alex unmoving while Kara fidgeted here and there with her pillow, then her hands and fingers, then at a wet water stain on her paints from dishwashing. Neither of them seemed to want to break the silence, at least not Kara, but from the corner of her eye she could make out that Alex was grinding her jaw back and forth, as if contemplating really intensely about what to say.

"Is she alright?" Alex inquired.

Kara fought the urge to scoff a 'like you care' to counter the question.

Instead, she stated simply, shrugging, "She's fine, just been sleeping in my room. Nothing new."

Alex raised a brow slightly, then nodded towards the bedroom, jutting her chin at in to ask for permission to go in.

Kara acquiesced with a willing nod and stood to follow her sister into the bedroom, closing the door - they quietly watched Lena breathe in and out, some breaths wheezing more than others, some more uneven, some hitching in nightmarish dreams whenever her dark brows furrowed.

"How long has she been like this?" Alex asked, concerned.

Kara sighed, "I don't know. A few hours? Maybe two or three."

"No. I meant  _how long_?" she reiterated, her tone stressing each syllable differently.

Kara slouched her shoulders and trudged back into the living room, slumping onto her couch and frowning, "Ever since she woke up at DEO headquarters..."

Alex's forehead creased with worry, "No improvements? Still no response to external stimuli? What about any other changes?"

Kara half heartedly threw her hands up, "Almost nothing. She doesn't talk much, she tries not to - I don't even think she actually processes what I'm saying the majority of the time; she can hear things, she just doesn't listen. I mean, she started eating and drinking more a few days ago, but that's about it."

"At least you've managed to do that," came the empty reassurance.

Kara scoffed sarcastically and felt the cushion next to her sink as her sister sat upon it, "Sure," she shook her head. "I'm pretty positive that her body's instinctual need for nutrients was the primary driving force,  _not_  my frustratingly annoying pestering every single minute."

"Kara," Alex hummed, placing a comforting hand on a broad shoulder, "Give yourself  _way_  more credit than that - you're doing the best you can, and maybe it won't be enough, but you'll know that you tried your hardest."

Kara chuckled and turned her head away to avoid the worried gaze.

"It's been a month, Alex," she whispered, "A  _month_  since I took Lena in.  _Nothing_  has changed. And it's been  _six_  months since the incident that started this mess," her voice cracked, "Sometimes...sometimes I don't think that I'm capable enough to handle this, that I'm not as strong as I used to be, but I don't want to give up hope...not on Lena..."

From the corner of her eye she saw Alex sigh heavily and slide her hand back onto her lap. She hunched over and rested her elbows on her knees, seemingly disturbed.

"That's one of the reasons why I came here."

"What?" Kara's tone was confused, "What do you mean?"

Her peripheral registered that Alex had straightened her seating position and cleared her throat.

"First, J'onn and I think it's best - for both you and for Lena - that Lena herself is taken into DEO custody again so we can monitor her status and state of mind in further depth."

"No," Kara refused instantaneously, "Absolutely not. You are  _not_ taking her away. She needs this, to not be surrounded by unfamiliar places and faces, to be in an environment she recognizes more intimately than concrete floors and lead-lined walls. So if you think I'm going to let a bunch of agents bust my door open and touch even a single strand of hair on her head-"

"I know, I'm not."

"-then you're horribly wro - what?" Kara paused, "What do you mean 'I know'? What are you  _really_  here for?"

Alex cleared her throat, facing her little sister, her gaze hard and stern.

"J'onn and I have discovered some...irregularities," came the serious statement, "We're suspicious cause the trace elements and frequencies around the DEO were very similar to Barry's interdimensional portals and the Legends' time travelling Waverider. Would you know anything about that?"

Alex gave the Kryptonian a hard stare, who held the eye contact with just as much gusto.

Kara stood up from the couch and rounded on her sister, her jaw twitched and her teeth clacked together audibly.

She would not even try to deny anything.

"I did what I had to do."

Alex revealed absolutely no shock, but her eyes widened slightly in surprise at the immediate admission. Her face snapped back to its default cross expression as she rose from the couch as well to level her glare at her little sister - she was clearly displeased.

Then she was fuming, her voice betraying enraged eyes with an eerie calmness and icy tone.

"Kara, do you have  _any_  idea what you've done? Any idea what consequences falls on those who tamper with time travel so casually?"

"I was trying to prevent a death!" Kara countered angrily, "I went back to save a life! That's what I  _do_ , Alex! I'm  _Supergirl_  for Rao's sake!"

" _No_!" Alex screamed, jabbing an accusatory finger against a chest of steel, "Listen up, you're  _wrong_!"

Kara's brows furrowed, eyes narrowing at the shorter woman, " _Excuse me_?"

"You heard me," she growled, "You didn't just save  _a_ life. You saved  _Lena_. Do you get that? You saved your best friend out of some selfish, impulsive desire! You didn't go back in time as Supergirl to get a goddamn mission done. You went back as Kara dressed up in a fancy suit to stop Lena Luthor from killing herself!"

"Stop!" Kara demanded, her nostrils flaring. She felt searing heat build up in her skull. "You're on dangerous territory, Alex."

"I suggest you cut your losses," the agent uttered coldly.

Kara's mouth parted, gaped open like a fish out of water. "H-How can you say that?"

"Believe me," Alex started, "You're doing no one any favors keeping a basket case in your apartment. She might as well be dead already."

"Shut up!" Kara roared, her eyes glowing an uncontrollable flaming blue. She gasped and shut them before she could do any damage, turning her head away as an extra precaution.

Alex continued, unrelenting with her coldness, "Lena isn't the only one falling apart, Kara. You're falling apart  _with_  her. You're drilling holes inside of you, you're ripping yourself apart just so you can stitch Lena back together."

"If I don't care about her, who will?" Kara whispered.

Alex paused in the middle of her tirade, blinking dumbly at the rhetorical question that was choked out from quivering lips.

Kara folded her arms. "That's what I thought."

Alex exhaled from her nostrils in frustration, "Are you really telling me that this is the best option for her?"

"And are you really telling me that you wouldn't do the  _exact_  same thing if it were Jeremiah?" Kara shot back.

"That's not what I'm saying! Don't twist this situation up and turn it back on me!" Alex rebuked, "Of  _course_  I'd do the same for him! But you know what the difference would be?"

She stalked closer to the Kryptonian until they were eye to eye.

"He'd want to  _stay_ alive."

Kara's breath hitched at the merciless remark, too speechless to make a proper comeback.

"I-I...I can fix this..." she whimpered, mostly to herself.

Alex scoffed, "Look at her!"

She stormed into the dimly lit bedroom where an almost lifeless figure rested.

Kara followed hastily, panicked, "What are you doing?"

" _Look_  at her!" Alex repeated, gesturing roughly at Lena's pitiful form. "Take a good  _fucking_  look, Kara! She's a living corpse! She's a million miles  _beyond_  repair! You can't just  _fix_  this! How naive are you?"

Tears welled up in blue eyes, a strangled sob crawling out of a hoarse throat.

Alex's expression and posture stiffened at the sound.

"I..." Kara's pleading voice broke, "I'm  _tired_ , Alex. I'm tired of losing people. I can't..."

She trailed off.

"I'm just worried about you."

The tone was softer, gentler.

"I know," Kara whispered shakily, unable to keep her eyes on Lena any longer - it was unbearable.

"We're all worried about you," Alex frowned, "If Lena isn't making an effort to get better, then maybe-"

"Don't. Don't finish that sentence," Kara breathed, "Just leave. Please. I need...I need time to think."

Her older sister nodded, eyes caring, "Okay."

Alex was escorted out, the door closing with a soft click.

Kara leaned back against it and heaved a great sigh, burying her face in her hands in distress, small tears escaping blue eyes.

She attempted to calm her breathing, wiping the rest of the wetness from her cheeks.

The ineffable panic came back when she lifted her hands to inspect them, the palms covered in blood, flashing back and forth from clean peachy flesh to viscous red.

Kara gasped, her hands trembling and chest constricting painfully. She stumbled her way to the kitchen sink and turned on the water, soaking her hands under the faucet's cool liquid.

Then she picked up the sponge and scrubbed harshly, eyes squinted in pure concentration.

The bloody image refused to be wiped off from her mind, and she increased the pressure and speed of her scrubbing, the action mindless but familiar - habitual; the incessant handwashing was a habit picked up in her guilt and nightmares.

At this point Kara's eyes were wide with terror, her entire frame was shaking so violently her vision was blurring and anyone who could see her probably would have been alarmed by her vibrating body.

Then she noticed the sponge had disappeared, the Kryptonian's panicked pressure sanding it down to nothing.

Kara sobbed, waterfalls of tears dripping endlessly from her chin and into the drain.

Eventually, she succumbed, collapsing to the floor with red hands irritated by so much inhuman friction.

Kara laid on her side and brought her knees up to her chest, curling into a ball as she failed to control the hyperventilation.

She gasped to herself, watching as she clenched and unclenched her hands repeatedly, "C-can't wash off. B-Blood. Too...too much r-red. I-I can't..."

There was a ringing in her ears, drowning out all other sounds, the edges of her vision darkening.

"N-no more. Please," she begged to no one.

Then there was black.

* * *

Kara flinched at a drip of water splashing on her cheek, eyes still shut tightly.

Then she snapped them wide open after a long stream of coldness soaked her shirt.

Kara bolted upright, turning off the sink and unplugging the stopper, draining its contents and dropping a towel to the floor to soak up the water.

Then she paused, swaying for a moment, a sickening feeling churning her insides; she felt nauseous, eyes producing salty tears at the corners before she leaned over the sink and emptied the contents of her stomach. She retched the remaining acid out and her nose wrinkled with disgust at the acrid stench of vomit and turned on the faucet to flush it down the pipes.

Kara retrieve a glass of water to wash her mouth of the unpleasant taste and spit it into the drain. She glanced at her watch and noted she had been in panic attack mode for around five minutes before passing out for ten. A part of her was thankful, because if it were not for the attack, she would have spent thirty minutes scrubbing her hands red and raw - maybe even until the flesh peeled over - from the crimson blood on them that was never really there.

Kara took several deep breaths to further calm her rapid heart rate, to soothe the ache in her chest with every painful beat. She sighed, trudging back into her room where she was greeted with the same image every day - Lena still had not moved a muscle save for the tiny quivering.

Kara slumped onto the small sofa next to her friend's side of the bed and waited with renewed patience. She observed the jade eyes, how they glazed over and stared blankly at the wall in front of them - into nothing - all unmoving, unblinking, and abnormally dilated.

Kara pulled her seat closer to the edge, resting a warm palm atop cold and fragile knuckles, easing the trembling with gentle rubs back and forth over the bony ridges.

She was unable to resist the temptation of rest and succumbed, her eyes pulled closed by sleep's lead-filled weights, and her body leaned back into the cushions.

Her fingers remained entangled firmly with Lena's hand.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Constructive criticism appreciated.**


	9. Author’s Note

I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING IN FOREVER. BUT I SWEAR THIS FIC IS NOT ABANDONED. I ACTUALLY HAVE THE NEXT CHAPTER NEARLY FINISHED, BUT THEN LIFE AND SCHOOL GOT CHAOTIC. I WILL TRY TO GRIND OUT MORE CHAPTERS SOON GUYS.


	10. Asylum

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on AO3 as Local_Asshole.**
> 
> **So, um.**
> 
> **Hi?**
> 
> **Lmao sorry life got more chaotic than I could manage.**
> 
> **Also there is a LOT of science in here because I'm a nerd. C:**

# Asylum

* * *

Leaning.

Tilting.

A sleepy mumble.

Falling.

Kara jolted awake, grunting quietly to announce her displeasure with her unwelcomed awakening. Her eyes slipped closed and she rubbed her temples to soothe the headache that pulsed through her skull. She pressed her palms to her face, hoping to drag off the exhaustion.

When it all dulled into an unnoticeable ebb, Kara's eyes snapped open the moment she heard a series of taps within her proximity.

"Seriously, Lena?"

Anger and disappointment curled her stomach at the sight of her friend against the headboard furiously typing away at her laptop, seemingly unaware of anything else around her.

There was no answer.

Kara huffed exasperatedly and snatched the device away, setting it on the nightstand behind her. She watched with slight concern at the belated reaction she received—for just a second, Lena's fingers still moved habitually, and her eyes stared ahead as if her laptop was still there, sitting on her lap right in front of her face.

Then she blinked owlishly, finally registering the absence of the device. Lena's brows scrunched in confusion before her gaze flitted over to Kara—it was then her expression became irked and embittered when she processed what happened.

"Work," she said simply, and her voice was quieter than a whisper—pitiful.

It was the most convincing tone Lena could possibly muster, and Kara's trademarked crinkle formed at the hoarse response.

"No."

Lena narrowed her eyes, tone curt, "Rest then."

"You can't do that either," Kara ordered, frustrated with the clipped replies, "You need to get up and actually  _do_  something instead of laying in bed all day or working yourself to near-death!"

"Isn't that the goal?" Lena inquired rhetorically, releasing a hoarse chuckle.

Kara glared at the semi-amused smirk on the woman's face and growled, " _That's not funny_. You need to  _eat_  and  _exercise_  and  _talk_  to people, anything but..." she gestured wildly, "... _this_."

Her friend silently removed the sheets that covered her and shivered as a chill resonated through her spine.

"Get up? Fine," she relented, "I'll get up."

Lena's feet touched the hardwood floor and she stood, but a black haze colored the edges of her vision and blurred everything else in her line of sight. Then she groaned and leaned forward, her weak muscles failing her.

Before she could collapse from the dizziness, Kara sped over, propping her up with strong arms.

Lena was lightheaded and nauseous, and the bile lumped in her throat felt as if it was travelling quickly. Then the room spiraled and her head could no longer bear the spinning.

She vomited, emptying her stomach's contents—or lack thereof—all over the floor with a sickening splash.

Kara winced as Lena continued to retch, hacking out more stomach acid, and spitting what was left of her nausea afterwards. When she was finished, she released a shaky sigh and swayed into Kara's firm embrace, her dangerously trembling legs finally giving out.

"Ow," Lena rasped, the word very much an understatement. She was carried out into the kitchen and onto a dining table seat; she heard the sink's faucet running for several seconds, then a glass of water suddenly sat in front of her.

Kara's forehead creased with worry at a drip of salivated stomach acid trickling down a corner of her friend's grimacing lips.

"Wash, then spit it out," she instructed, "To clean your teeth."

Lena obeyed, swishing the water around inside her mouth, but another bout of nausea caused her lips to part, the liquid spilling onto her pants and then to the floor.

"Don't...feel good..." she breathed, eyes closed as she tilted in her chair.

Kara caught and cradled the fragile body into her arms, her panic intensifying at the sound of Lena's elevated heartbeat, the rapid thumping echoing in her ears was almost deafening.

"You know," she started, adjusting her hold, "When I said to 'spit it out', I meant back in the cup, not all over the floor."

Lena wheezed out a light chuckle, trembling at the abrupt cold air that whipped at her skin.

"Hey," Kara called out, her voice garbled and distant in the Luthor's ears, "If you barf from sixty feet in the sky and someone tries to sue Supergirl I'm making you pay for it."

Another pained groan.

Kara gave a broken smile, tears continuing to pour down her cheeks and around the stiff muscles struggling to push her lips upward.

"Hey. Hey, stay with me."

Lena's vision blurred even more significantly, her hyperventilating formed heavy and erratic puffs of air, and she struggled to focus her randomly flickering eyes. There was a high-pitched ringing in her ears, overwhelming Kara's voice. Then Lena tilted her head in slight confusion at the sight of soundlessly moving lips.

She could feel her eyes drooping, watering from the sunlight behind Kara that gave her an angelic halo, her blonde hair accentuated, scintillating in the rays.

Lena eventually drowned in the darkness, even in the presence of light.

"Help!"

Kara panicked, landing on the ground, the concrete under her feet cracking from the harsh impact.

"We've got the gurney ready," Alex rushed out, the doctors sliding the contraption over.

"Set her down," Dr. Hamilton ordered, sliding her tray of tools next to her.

A choking sound interrupted her concentration and her eyes widened.

"Flip her on her side!"

Kara obeyed the instructions and panicked at the vomit spilling from Lena's mouth.

"Let's go! Move to the ER!" the doctors pushed the gurney hurriedly down the hall; Dr. Hamilton turned around before tailing her assistants.

* * *

"She'll make a full recovery."

Kara let out a relieved breath, the paranoia that froze her eyes onto Lena finally melting away.

"What happened?"

Dr. Hamilton nodded towards Alex, who was standing next to her little sister, "I had Agent Danvers's biochem team analyze Miss Luthor's body fluids while I conducted other tests—it turns out when the Black Mercy was forcibly removed, some of its excess...venom, for lack of a better word, managed to remain in Miss Luthor's nervous system."

"But J'onn and M'gann took her out of her dream, if we forcibly removed it then Lena would've been dead then," Kara stated, bouncing and shifting worriedly in her seat. "It doesn't make sense why this is an exception."

Alex frowned, a sympathetic glint in her eyes as she rested a comforting hand on a slumped shoulder.

"Not quite," Dr. Hamilton cleared her throat, spreading out the tests over a table. "If the Black Mercy had been  _physically_  removed, it's then that the host instantly perishes. However,  _psychically_  removing the host from the Black Mercy doesn't account for all the venom."

She rotated the monitor attached to the wall, gesturing at the windows that showcased various diagrams of the alien.

"The Black Mercy is a parasite, it has highly-sensitive teeth that are almost microscopic and work like tentacles; it can contract and retract however it pleases," she explained, "When it successfully latches onto a host, the teeth spring out of the bedding and pierce through the dermis, targeting the nerves with ridiculous accuracy due to their flexibility. At that point the teeth are able to merge with the nerves so to speak—it's that moment the channel to the brain and its neural pathways are established. It provides an opening to pump a sort of toxin directly into the nerves to aid with sedating the host so the parasite can feed."

Dr. Hamilton opened another window with Lena's scans. She jabbed her pen at an image that looked like an MRI of a torso, tracing her movements along the vertebrae.

"The Black Mercy's teeth is solely used for puncturing through barriers, such as skin or exoskeletons. However, once the teeth reach their destinations, they don't pierce the nerves because it'll risk tampering their feeding process if they damage anything connected to the brain."

Dr. Hamilton closed the tabs with a click and referred back to the diagrams.

"The outer layer of the Black Mercy's teeth bind to the intercostal nerves and the inner layer binds to the spinal cord; eventually, the toxin travels upward, towards the cerebellum to incapacitate the host and finally flood the brain and, well, you know the process from there."

Alex grimaced when she caught the wince Kara made as she recalled the unpleasant memories.

"What we discovered..." Dr. Hamilton trailed off, clicking onto another slide and pointing to the anomalies scattered about the chest scans. "...is during the messy removal, some of the Black Mercy's teeth tore and remained attached to Miss Luthor's nerves; this explains her near-perpetual catatonic behavior as well as her physical symptoms. A part of her brain is struggling to make her body fight the unknown assailants off by releasing white blood cells, which is why I'm so concerned about the high activity from the basophils and eosinophils—her body seems to have been tricked into thinking it's experiencing an allergic reaction. Another part of her brain is gradually succumbing to the remains of the Black Mercy; it was inhibiting her recovery the past few weeks, bringing her into her ideal fantasy and her out of reality sporadically. When we met up to discuss Miss Luthor's progress, you stated that she had been restless in her sleep—cold sweats and nightmares, am I correct?"

Kara could only nod silently and Dr. Hamilton returned the gesture.

"This explains those as well. Our options were either to wait until the teeth emptied out their assets, or create a specialized surgical procedure to remove them. Considering the former would have likely resulted in the patient dying...we decided to perform the latter. Thanks to Agent Danvers's research team, we were able to unravel the molecular structure of the venom in time."

Dr. Hamilton glanced at said woman who was leaning her back against the wall, a caring gaze aimed at her little sister.

Kara gave her a small smile of gratitude, and Alex reciprocated with a tight hug around her shoulders, welcoming the head of golden hair to rest against her waist.

Dr. Hamilton made her way out quietly when she realized the two sisters were too drained to hear more medical jargon than necessary.

Kara seemed to relax, the tension in her muscles ebbing away to a dull ache, though the tautness was still present in her bones. She sought comfort in her sister's strokes along her back and in her blonde locks.

"Do you think she hates me?" Kara whispered.

Alex snapped her head down to her little sister at the croak, frowning at the sight of her slouching towards the ground dejectedly, a defeated slump to her shoulders.

Alex took the seat next to Kara, continuing her soothing rubs against her back.

"Why are you asking?" she questioned, "You know that I don't know the answer to that."

The room remained silent.

Then Alex decided to break it with another inquiry.

"What do you think?"

And finally Kara's head no longer hung low as she glanced up to her sister, shame and guilt mangling her features.

"I...I don't see why she  _wouldn't_  hate me," she felt her throat crack. "I mean, even if her happiness was a sham made by the Black Mercy... _I_ took that away from her, Alex." Kara sniffed, futilely wiping the waterfall of tears that were sliding down her cheeks. "I crushed Lena's happiest dream into a million tiny pieces and I can't take that back."

Alex refrained from responding, swallowing the reply down her throat.

Clearly Kara had more to say.

"She hates me, Alex," came the pitiful sob, quickly followed by more, "She does. I know it. I felt it every time she looked at me. I shattered her happiness twice..." she took a breath, "I can feel her breaking apart 'cause of me."

Alex nudged Kara to lean her head down against her shoulder, and she caressed the broad muscles of her little sister's bicep up and down.

"You know," she started softly, "She's not the only one breaking apart." Alex cleared her throat, "Listen. I know you care about her. I know she cares about you, and she absolutely does  _not_  hate you even though you've given her  _plenty_  of reasons-"

" _W-What_ -"

"You eat as much fat, carbs, and sugar as you want and you never ever gain weight regardless of how many ridiculous amounts of calories there are. And you don't even need to exercise to maintain your figure. Oh, and no hangovers unless you drink specialized alien alcohol, but even then you recover in a few minutes. You never get sick or get zits 'cause of your alien DNA, unless you blow out your powers. Speaking of powers, you can do literally everything a human can do in several hours in, like, two seconds. You can stub your toe and step on a shit ton of Legos without flinching because they don't actually hurt—you're practically indestructible. You're super smart at everything that isn't history or spelling. And the best part...you have a really cool badass older sister."

Kara chuckled hoarsely, sniffling as she wiped tears from her eyes, "Good point. Very valid reasons, except the last one."

"Hey!" Alex gasped in mock-offense, shoving her little sister playfully. "I'm cool 'cause I'm not the sister who loves pineapple pizza!"

There was a gasp. "You take that back right now!"

* * *

Kara twisted her keys into the locking mechanism, returning to her apartment just two days after spending two nights at Lena's bedside. She was recovering well, and Dr. Hamilton said she would be up in no time by tomorrow or the next day.

So Kara was relieved, took a breath, and did not hesitate to return home at Alex's and J'onn's insistence while they took care of things.

She hung her purse up on the hooks protruding from her wall and instantly changed into her comfy pajamas, speeding into the laundry room with her work attire. Kara hummed, shoving the dirty clothes and blankets into the washer, then removing the fresh batch from the dryer to quickly fold and sort them out for tomorrow morning.

Kara grinned when she saw her favorite button-up in the lamp's dim lighting, and pulled it out from under the pile.

Then she stood sharply, jerking up straight, frozen in the dark of the night. Eyes slightly widened, fixated on the faded bloody hand-like stains that stubbornly remained in the fabric.

Kara blinked, and her fist tightened on the article of clothing. Her eyes clenched shut, memories of bringing back a broken Lena to her apartment. Memories of a broken Lena having a panic attack and bleeding as she clutched the exact shirt held in Kara's palm.

She shakily inhaled, feeling her lungs quiver with her lips, then she let out another breath, the exhale wavering.

Kara's nose flared, another unbidden sense of the past greeting her, however unwelcome it was.

The stench of Lena's blood.

The smell of it mixed with sorrowful tears.

Its phantom odor was enough to nauseate Kara, make her dizzy and breathless in the worst manner possible.

The shirt was tainted forever. No amount of bleach and rounds in the washer would do any good.

Kara threw the apparel into the garbage like it was kryptonite. She barely even registered the wet tracks down her cheeks and the taste of salt it made hidden within the crevasses of her lips.

Kara shook her head violently, willing the memories to go away as she retreated into the safe haven of her bedroom, seduced by sleep and the promise of rest.

But relaxation did not last long, the ear-shattering ring of her phone screamed on her bedside toward midnight.

Kara groaned tiredly, dragging her hand down exhausted eyes. She swiped the device from her nightstand and refrained from shattering the screen when she pressed the green answer button.

"Hey, there's an alien robbery down on seventh," Winn rushed out, accompanied by a flurry of clicking sounds, "Alex and her squad are on their way there for backup and incarceration, they need Supergirl to nudge them into the vans."

Kara sighed, "Yeah, okay, I'm on my way."

* * *

"You're all set to be discharged, Miss Luthor," Dr. Hamilton hummed through the pen in her mouth, moving the small flashlight back and forth across her patient's eyes.

She backed up to retrieve her clipboard and removed the pen from her lips, clicking the mechanism and writing down her report as she mumbled.

"Patient made significant progress in recovery...will require appointments for the next month to prevent the possibility of relapses...discharged at..." Dr. Hamilton scrunched up the sleeve of her lab coat, eyeing her watch, "...12:44 A.M."

The woman glanced up at Lena with a small smile, "You're cleared and free to leave whenever you wish. We washed the clothes you came in with so you can change from your medical gown in the bathroom and just hand it to one of us. Your jewelry is in a locker towards the exit of the med bay. Number thirty-three."

Lena nodded silently in response, following the instructions in a daze. Before she knew it, she was in her professional work attire and headed out.

"Miss Luthor."

She pivoted at the gruff voice, surprise coloring her features at the sight of J'onn catching up to her.

"Yes? Did I forget to sign any paperwork?" she inquired.

He shook his head, "No, I wanted to speak with you. I know you've already undergone a physical and psych evaluation, but Kara cares a great deal about you."

Lena folded her arms in defense, suspiciously narrowing her eyes at J'onn.

"What is it that you want? Or want to ask?" she said, cutting to the chase.

The man broadened his shoulders and seemed to stand taller, matching the young business woman's posture, exuding just as much power. But his expression was soft, almost sympathetic.

But sympathetic was synonymous with pitiful in Lena Luthor's dictionary.

"How are you feeling?" J'onn asked.

Lena was caught off guard for a split second, before returning to the steel of her gaze once more.

"Fine," came the curt answer.

"Where are you going now? Not to work I hope?" J'onn inquired, the tone in his voice implying he would utilize force to make Lena rest and recover properly.

But she had the same idea anyway, for the first time the tiredness triumphed over her ambition for work and pet peeve of unfinished projects and partially-filled our papers. Her shoulders slumped a fraction.

"Surprisingly, no," she admitted, much to J'onn's unexpected shock. "I'm actually planning on burying myself in my bed. I can catch up on my work tomorrow morning or noon after I manage to amass enough energy to recharge my physical and social batteries."

J'onn, for the first time, was far too concerned to respect the privacy of a human's mind, so he peeked, just to make sure Lena was truthful.

He sighed through his nose in relief, "Very well. I'm glad to hear that you're taking the necessary and additional steps to improving your health. Take care of yourself, Miss Luthor."

Lena nodded politely once more, walking out to her chauffeur, heels echoing through the DEO.

* * *

She felt slightly guilty halfway through the trip back to her abode when she ordered her driver to stop at her favorite place to unwind.

"Thank you. Don't worry about picking me up later," she unlocked the door and exited the vehicle.

"Are you sure, Miss Luthor?" the chauffeur asked, raising his voice over the obnoxious music from the nightclub.

Lena nodded resolutely, "I'll call a taxi later. Go home to your family and get some rest."

She watched him dip his head in gratitude and ride off.

She nodded at the bouncers who returned the action in kind; they recognized her and stood aside to grant her access. She entered the building, pushing past the crowd of ludicrous wealth that was mesmerized by the plethora of female strippers and male dancers upon the elaborate stage, some slinking off to give several patrons a private show. The tension knotted in Lena's shoulders never ceasing until she made her way towards the bar and found a secluded table in the corner. She slid onto the cushioned seat and made herself comfortable, only mildly annoyed by the pounding music at the center of the stage. At least it was quieter over where she was, her aloneness accompanied by the overbearing bass that shook her chest and vibrated her hands.

Lena clasped her fingers together, glancing up to see one of the servers approaching her.

"Hello, welcome to Hakkasan—"

Before the man ask for her order, she beat him to it.

"Scotch. On the rocks."

He nodded, writing it down.

"On second thought," Lena started, "Just get me a cup of ice, a glass, and a bottle of scotch."

"Of course, what selection of scotch do you want to purchase?"

"I haven't been here for quite some time," she hummed, "Do you still have the Macallan whiskey brand in stock here?"

He nodded, "Yes, we do, our most popular are the eighteen-year-old sherry cask, the rare cask, and the twenty-one-year-old fine oak."

Lena sighed almost disappointedly, "You no longer have the Constantine bottle?"

The server let out a tiny undignified sound, and he struggled to keep his jaw from dropping.

"Uh, th-the Macallan M?" he inquired nervously, "Well, w-we actually do have it in stock, but it's an extremely pricey pour even for our standards, so no one has actually managed to order it because it's so expensive, and that's for a single glass. The bottle is worth approximately $630,000."

Lena casually handed the young man her card. "Just run it through and send my order out whenever you can."

The server's neck moved a fraction when he swallowed, the apple of his throat bobbing to show that he was intimidated by Lena's wealth. Then he dashed off, scurrying to the POS system to punch in the order, the shock never really fading from his eyes.

* * *

Lena was half a bottle in when a tap on her shoulder interrupted her.

She huffed, irritated, but she did not turn around to face the guest. "I'm a little busy if you couldn't tell."

A melodious chuckles resonated from next to Lena, sweet and honeyed and something sly.

From the corner of her eye she saw a woman, wavy hair colored with gold and brown to mix into a spectacular light brunette. Her skin was rosy, her lips a seductive red, her long locks falling gently over the skin of her shoulders.

It was enough to get Lena to turn more fully, to completely take the woman's appearance in. Her dress was quite scandalous with its off-shoulder, v-cut, and tight design. It was a bit tacky and barely reached past the middle of her thighs.

The woman wore a mischievous grin on her face, expression colored with amusement and an ambitious sort of lust.

Her lips slowly curled into a smirk when she noticed Lena's eyes widened slightly, if only a fraction unnoticeable from afar.

She had the multi-billionaire CEO's attention.

Lena took another sip from her drink, swallowing the strong, burning contents down to set her throat on fire.

She eyed the woman suspiciously, her tone cautious, but curious nonetheless. "Can I help you with something?"

"Name's Alyssa," she introduced herself, a teasing twinkle in her chocolatey brown eyes. She nodded her head over, to gesture towards the main room with its disco ball and strobe lights and other blinding nightclub devices. "I'm a dancer here. It's kind of my job to make sure all the guests are..." she paused, falling two fingers up and down the collar of Lena's top, brushing along the skin of her neck just barely.

"...pleased," she finished, "And you don't look very satisfied just sitting here with that expensive bottle."

A finger brushed the edge of Lena's jaw, and she clenched her teeth uncomfortably, still unused to such gentle contact. But she did not pull away and that seemed to encourage Alyssa even more, who leaned in, lips a mere breath away from flushed ears.

"I can help with that."

Lena chuckled softly and shook her head, "Sorry. I'm going to have to reject your offer, as tempting as it is..." she raked her eyes down Alyssa's figure approvingly. "I'm not really into exhibitionism."

Alyssa hummed and winked, "Don't worry. I'm very flexible. Besides. There are curtains for a reason."

She untied the heavy cloth from their fastenings and let them obscure the table from potential curious outsiders.

Then Lena felt a hard shove against her shoulders, her chair scratching backwards before harshly colliding with the wall behind.

Lena's eyes darted to the ground to see her bottle shattered and the liquid gold pooling on the floor.

"That was expensive," she sighed.

Alyssa laughed, proceeding to straddle Lena and roll her hips every now and then.

"I'm sure your rich ass can buy another, Miss Luthor."

Lena hummed, burying her face in the crock of Alyssa's neck, running a wet tongue over the fleshy throat and leaving sloppy open-mouthed kisses here and there.

Alyssa gasped at the sensation, at the deft hands that made it around her hips, at the fingers that slipped halfway past the band of her underwear.

"You know," she panted, craning her head backwards to grant Lena more access. "There's a rule about patrons not touching the merchandise."

Lena's ministrations froze, her lips pulling away.

"Oh?"

As she was about to withdraw, Alyssa crashed their lips together again, fingers tangled and messing up dark strands, nails scratching lightly at the scalp.

"But I can make an exception for you," she stated breathlessly.

"You could get fired and I could get kicked out of the only place that sells my favorite whiskey," Lena smirked.

Alyssa grinned, folding her arms and shrugging, "Not if you go out on a date with me, Miss Luthor."

Lena's eyes narrowed playfully, letting the silence stretch teasingly.

"Who am I to refuse?" she hummed, the playfulness in her eyes apparent.

* * *

"What do you mean Lena went home, J'onn?" Kara groaned in frustration, "She's not here, I checked. And I checked L-Corp too."

She remained afloat, pacing back and forth midair with a hardened crinkle between her scrunched brows and pursed lips to show her deep concentration.

"I made sure to check on her intentions when she said she wanted to rest," J'onn explained through the earpiece, "And she did, but she could've always changed her mind midway through her trip."

Kara sighed, running a hand down her tired eyes.

"Hey," Alex called softly through her comms, "Just head home and sleep, you've worked hard with all these alien threats recently. I can go and find Le—"

"No," Kara snapped, "I need to see her. I  _need_  to make sure she's okay."

"I have an idea on where Lena might be," Winn chimed in, "She's been spotted spending a lot of her free time in only  _the_  most famous nightclub in the country for the richest of the rich. Wealthy celebrities are there all the time," he explained, "There's a location in none other than Los Angeles, which is like three or five minutes away if you fly."

"What's it called?"

"Hakkasan I think," Winn answered.

Alex choked on air, "Doesn't entry cost several thousands? No offense, but Kara's paycheck from CatCo  _and_  the government can't even pay for an hour in that place."

"Maybe  _Kara_  can't," Winn admitted, "But I'm sure National City's very own  _Supergirl_  could grace them with her arrival. I'm willing to bet they'd give her free admission."

There was a contemplative pause.

"I guess it's worth a shot," Alex relented, "Okay then, Kara—"

"I'm already in," she interrupted, "Turns out the bouncers are huge fans."

"So is she there?"

Supergirl hummed, tapping her chin while ignoring the gawks of the clubbers and the whispers debating whether or not she was legitimately National City's hero or just some fan in a costume. She scanned through the walls of the building, and with each room that she checked to no avail she became much less enthusiastic to keep looking, if she was going to be intruding on the privacy of individual patrons and their dancers then Lena had better be here somewhere, or else all those sights that she will never be able to unsee will be for naught.

Then Kara released an undignified sound, gaping at the scene before her.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Winn asked, "Did you find her."

"Yeah," she seethed, "I did."

"So then...what are you waiting f—"

"She's a little busy," Kara snapped, eyes harshly trained on the woman sitting atop her friend's lap with a seductive dress to complement her light umber hair.

Lena slipped her deft fingers under the dancer's dress, grazing over to soft flesh of bare thighs. She shivered when Alyssa nipped at the lobe of her ear; a rough hand trailed down Lena's breasts, to her stomach, then to the side to slip something into her pocket.

"Call me," Alyssa whispered with a predatory grin, pulling back to give a suggestive wink before unstraddling her prey.

Then she strode off, leaving Lena, who leaned forward in her seat as if to chase after her. Her hungry eyes simmered into slight disappointment.

Then into surprise when she caught from her peripheral vision an absolutely furious Supergirl stalking towards her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Constructive criticism appreciated.**


	11. Pariah

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on FF as Local-Asshole.**

# Pariah

* * *

Lena groaned, staggering into the apartment, her steps wobbly and Kara trailing carefully behind to make sure her friend would not fall over. Then Lena sighed, ungracefully flopping onto the couch face first into the cushions, eyes squeezed shut to alleviate the spinning.

She turned her head to the side and opened one eye, seeing Supergirl with her arms folded and glaring unimpressed daggers at her.

"What?" Lena finally asked.

Kara faltered slightly. "What do you mean ' _what_ '? You just got released, you should've been at home resting! Not out partying a-and making out w—"

"I'm resting  _now_ ," she countered.

"No," Kara snapped, "You're going to sit up a—" She paused, an angry crinkle forming between her expectant brows. Her arms were still folded, but now her foot was tapping impatiently.

Lena groaned, pushing herself up into a sitting position. "Continue."

"And we're going to talk."

Lena scoffed, her blank eyes fell, pinned to the floor, "Fine."

"Look at me," Kara said quietly.

No response. The Luthor remained still as a statue, then her gaze tilted away to the side, staring at nothing.

Kara's eyes narrowed, her expression was stern and intimidating and very reminiscent of Supergirl's powerful demeanor that the public knew so well.

Though her voice was softened, gentle unlike the tense look that she sported.

"Hey..." Kara urged.

"I can't!" Lena shouted, clenching her eyes shut, her shoulders taught and her posture stiff. She shook her head and buried her face into the palms of her hands.

The hero inched closer, kneeling before the woman.

"Why?" Her eyes pleaded for an explanation.

"No," Lena choked out, flinching away from the close proximity. "You...just  _please_  take the suit off. Change out of it. I'm begging you," she quieted down to a hoarse whisper, "I don't want to look at Supergirl right now."

Kara took a step back and she felt her chest beat heavily at the broken request, felt her stomach drop painfully to the floor. Nevertheless, she agreed.

"Of course. I'll be right back."

She retreated into her room at a human pace and changed slowly in her closet. She knew Lena needed the time to regather her composure. Kara needed it to think too. They both did.

When she finally returned to the living room, she found Lena in a tightly shrunken position on the edge of the couch with her eyes clenched shut.

"I'm changed," Kara murmured, walking towards her friend, who still refused to open her eyes.

Her brows scrunched together in concern, the trademark crinkle etching itself onto her skin. She kneeled once more and slowly cupped Lena's wet cheeks.

"You can open your eyes now," Kara mumbled comfortingly, wiping the streams of tears away.

She smiled when Lena exhaled unsteadily and finally cracked her eyes open.

Kara dropped a hand to wrap around her friend's trembling fingers, her thumb tracing soothing lines across slightly bruised knuckles.

It was then Kara remembered where they were from—when a delirious Lena Luthor witnessed the destruction of her project towards a twisted kind of happiness; she slammed her hands against the girl of steel in retaliation, overcome with madness and grief.

She was still mourning for that lost, and probably would for the rest of her life.

In the span of several seconds into Kara initiating physical contact, Lena's hands flinched and pulled away, her head reeling back and turned to the side to avoid the gentle touch that caressed her cheek.

Lena retreated back into her shell, and Kara witnessed helplessly the verdant eyes darken and jade. She knew better than to disturb, the thought overpowering a guilt so cumbersome, so manifested in her mind. She had to watch her best friend spiral down into an abyss right in front of her, and the uncertainty of what to actually do was further complicated because she was essentially the source of this precarious climate—this cloud of tension shrouding them, isolating them from the rest of the world.

So Kara sighed disappointedly, finally ceasing the nervous fidgeting her fingers did. Then she walked towards her bedroom, glancing over her shoulder to the woman sat on her couch, unmoving as before.

"Um, if you'd rather sleep on a bed, let me know."

Kara frowned at the silence that seemed to speak for itself. She released another sigh.

"You know where the extra blankets and pillows are, in the closet in the laundry room. Goodnight, Lena."

The door creaked as it was swung towards the frame, then clicked softly shut.

* * *

"What do you think you're doing? It's like seven in the morning. On a Sunday," Kara yawned, stumbling towards the door and effectively blocking her guest from exiting her apartment.

Kara put her hands on her hips, groggy eyes squinted to scrutinize the woman in front of her, dressed in professional business attire. A few strands were loose in her high ponytail, and she still seemed slightly unkempt thanks to the hangover she was sporting.

She hid it well though.

Lena held her chin up high, folding her arms and remaining firm in her stance.

"Work," she answered evenly, leveling a hard glare at the Kryptonian. "What does it look like I'm doing? Do you think a company will run itself without the CEO at its helm?"

"That was a rhetorical question," Kara sighed, rubbing the sleepiness from her eyes.

"I don't have the luxury of time,"

Lena simply stated, "I can't afford to waste it on rest when I can be productive."

Kara felt her insides simmer. "Remember the last time you told me that you wanted to be productive?"

Lena blinked owlishly, as if she just registered the subtle jab, and memories of her staying up day and night working on her Black Mercy project in her private lab flooded her mind.

"Excuse me?" she scoffed belatedly, her crossed arms tightening against her torso even more.

Kara looked away, grumbling, "You heard me."

Neither of them could continue the conversation, neither of them could fathom the direction it was spiraling towards, but the tension was torturous and palpable and just waiting to be snapped.

Lena narrowed her eyes and took a deep, calming breath, "That was a low blow, Kara."

The tension bent.

"You're not going to work today," she repeated, growling between clenched teeth.

And bent.

"Get out of my way."

And bent.

"No."

And snapped.

"You're not my babysitter!" Lena shouted, "I'm a grown adult!"

Kara shot back at the outburst. "You're a woman who tried to kill herself just a few weeks ago!"

"I knew very well what I was doing!" Lena countered, "I'm a businesswoman! I thought  _everything_  through! You think I'd make a heavy decision like that without considering every single consequence?"

Kara saw red.

"No! You  _didn't_  consider every single consequence!" she screamed, throwing her hands up in frustration.

Lena startled slightly, surprised by the amount of venom that laced the words.

Kara answered her question before she could ask her to elaborate.

"You don't think anyone cares! You don't  _let_  yourself think that! Somehow you've made that an impossible thing for you to accept! You didn't think of Jess! Or your employees that hold so much respect for you! Or all the little girls interested in the STEM fields that admire you! You didn't  _think_  about the emotional impact!" Kara sobbed, voice cracking hoarsely as she burst into tears. "You didn't think about what it'd do to  _me_! Your  _friend_!"

Kara rubbed at her eyes, wiping at the endless tears.

"Y-you were  _gone_..." she hiccuped, taking hold of Lena's hand, "And I  _watched_ it happen then and there and every single night after I closed my eyes. You can't imagine the guilt I felt for hurting you, and the pain I didn't notice you were in."

Lena's mouth was parted, opened, but unresponsive—shocked into speechlessness. Then her face fell, eyes glued to the floor. She pulled her hand away and wrapped her arms around herself protectively.

"You...you pulled away first. After the Daxamite invasion. All the ditching, the cancelling, the cold shoulder, the silent treatment... I've never had any  _real_  friends, and your actions seemed like pretty clear ways to cut ties. I know enough to determine whether or not someone cares—I've figured out that you didn't," a pause.

"I wish I could say I believe you," she finished with a ghost of a whisper.

"I  _do_ care!" Kara protested, "I do love you! You're my best friend! I didn't go back in time to—"

Her eyes widened at the slip-up, mouth snapping shut so hard her teeth audibly clacked together.

Lena's wars perked up and twitched at the disclosure, she felt her blood suddenly boil, but she was petrified on the spot.

"You...you  _what_?" she gasped softly, leveling a glare her way.

"I—"

"Kara," Lena raised a hand and cut her off. "What. Did. You. Do?"

Each acid-dipped word was carefully punctuated.

Normally, Kara would have bowed her head in shame, but this was a decision she did not regret, so she held her chin up high and stared straight into the knowing green eyes.

There was no use in denying anything anyway.

"I travelled back in time. To save you."

Lena felt her lungs become breathless at the simple admission, felt her shoulders drop and her stomach fall at the heavy confession.

"So I...I  _did_  die. I  _did_  get my happy ending. And you...you brought me back?" she mumbled in disbelief.

Lena's vision tunneled, her hearing muted, and all she heard were murmurs and echoes from Kara's soundless lips.

Eventually, her muffled brain caught up to the situation at hand and her blood ran cold when she fully registered the weight of what was happening. But her lips refused to move, gaping open slightly, speechless.

After a moment of silence Kara gently eased through the tension with a worried crease between her brows. She tried to catch her friend's eyes, but they were frozen to the floor. She noticed the woman's pale hands tighten into fists at her sides, trembling.

Kara opened her mouth to say something, but Lena cut her off with a cold glare.

"I hate you..."

Kara staggered a step back, her shoulders dropping along with her heart.

"You don't...you don't mean that..."

"Oh, do you want me to say it again? I can't fathom how much more clear I could be," she scowled, storming past.

Kara let the shoulder push away her own, not wanting to hurt her fragile human friend any further.

Lena stopped at the frame of the exit, whispering under her breath.

"You know, Mother was right about me eventually coming to hate you," a pause, "Just not about the right reason."

Kara saw Lena take one step out of her apartment, complemented with the click of a heel.

Then she broke.

"I  _missed_ you!" she cried, and Lena stopped in her tracks, though she did not bother to turn around, much less look over her shoulder.

It seemed she was not going to engage in another conversation, so Kara continued rambling.

"I missed your smile! I missed your voice! I missed your expensive perfume! I missed the lunches we had together! I-I even missed the way you'd try to get me to eat healthier! Can you believe it?  _I_  missed  _kale_! Of all things! All 'cause you were  _gone_! 'Cause you... You... Right in front of me... And I couldn't  _do_  anything... I-I watched... Just like Krypton... Don't you get it? You  _died_! I carried you in my arms! I brought your lifeless body back to be buried!"

Lena tilted her head up towards the ceiling and sighed, defeated and weary, "I didn't want to be saved... Do you understand that, Kara? Do you understand what you took from me? Again?"

Her quiet voice was calm and collected, terrifyingly so. It made Kara shiver.

"I... Yes. I do."

Lena scoffed under her breath, shaking her head, "No. You don't."

They both stood in place, Kara scrambling to rectify the situation with something—anything. But no words were on her tongue, no ideas conjured up in her head. As the seconds ticked by her fear of losing Lena forever became more apparent, made her heart beat faster and faster, made her breathing more panicked and rapid.

She looked down at her hands, saw them covered in blood.

"Why?"

Kara stilled at the sound—a pitiful whimper—and in a flash the red on her fingers vanished.

Lena pivoted, turning so they were finally face-to-face, not bothering to hide her tears, "Why did you do it? You...you pulled away first. After the Daxamite invasion. All the ditching, the cancelling, the cold shoulder, and the silent treatment..."

No answer. Kara was still stunned, watching as her friend's silent tears trailed down her pale cheeks.

Lena lost her patience, gritting her teeth.

" _Why_?" she demanded.

" _I wasn't strong enough, okay_?" Kara shouted, heaving each breath, "I watched the world move on without you! They left me behind and I was the only one left mourning for you and it made me so  _mad_! I was angry and devastated all the time! The guilt was going to kill me and I fell apart!  _Supergirl_  fell apart! And the world didn't understand why she was so torn up over a  _Luthor_!"

"Well, was it worth it?" Lena seethed.

Kara did a double take, "Was what worth it?"

"Ruining me."

"I-I didn't know. I didn't mean to—"

"That doesn't make it okay!" Lena interrupted, her body shaking, "You  _never_  mean to! That's all I hear from you! And you know what? Fuck you, Kara!" She jabbed a finger at her. "That's bullshit! You meant to! You  _meant_  to! And you left! You deliberately went out of your way to avoid and ignore me when I tried to reach out to you! You were  _hurting_! I wanted to be there for you! To comfort you! You don't get to just abandon our friendship and come back whenever you want! Even  _I_  know they shouldn't work like that!" Her chest heaved with exertion, her rant draining what little energy she had left. "I guess I should've known you didn't cherish the friendship we had as much as I did."

Kara's heart shattered when Lena referred to them in the past tense.

"Y-You're right," she choked out, furiously wiping at her tears, "It doesn't excuse what I did. I did it. And I'm sorry for hurting you, for giving you so much pain and suffering, it wasn't my intention. But I don't regret my decision. If I had to do it over again I'd make the same exact choice, but do it differently. You mean so much to me, I can't lose you."

"You have the whole world groveling at your feet,  _Supergirl_ ," Lena hissed, lacing her time with venom, "I'm  _nothing_. Just get the device I made, bring Mon-El back, and leave me the  _fuck_  alone. Go to hell while you're at it."

Kara flinched when the door slammed violently shut.

* * *

"Miss Luthor?" Jess tilted her head to the side in curiosity. Her eyes widened in shock as she witnessed her fuming boss storming into L-Corp. She quickly stepped away from the warpath and trailed after her.

Jess quickly closed the elevator; the ride to the private office on the top floor was quiet and long, and she broke the silence with an awkward cough.

"I thought you were staying with Miss Danvers to recover?"

She did not miss the way Lena's shoulders tensed, the way her fingers curled her hands into fists, and she observed the set jaw, taut and grinding together.

Once the elevators reached the top and slid open its doors, Lena strided out towards her office.

"Miss Danvers and I had a little bit of a disagreement," she explained, pulling her posture upright as she took a seat behind her desk.

Jess was observant enough to know that it was an understatement, but she was more concerned about—

"Miss Luthor, I don't think you're in any condition to resume working. You need rest."

"I've rested quite enough, thank you for your concern, but I'm physically recovered and now ready to continue work," she explained, sifting through stacks of files.

"If I may speak freely..." Jess saw Lena nod and continued, "Emotional and mental recovery is just as, if not more, important than physical health."

Lena gave her assistant a hard stare and Jess matched it with something softer and more akin to worry. But Lena would not let up her glare and eventually Jess relented with a sigh and slight head shake.

"What else can I do for you?"

Lena gave her attention to the pile of papers on her desk, her request unhesitating.

"I will no longer show favoritism nor lax my procedures—I need you to revoke Miss Danvers' pass."

Jess broke her pencil in the middle of writing things down onto her notebook, her jaw dropping in surprise. Lena eyed the lead tip that clattered to the floor with tiny sounds.

"She will no longer interview me for CatCo, please notify her supervisor to send someone else from now on," she elaborated, returning to her paperwork, "And Miss Danvers must also schedule appointments with me like all other visitors, but  _only_  through you and I personally have to approve the request as well."

Jess short circuited, her brain on autopilot as her wrist moved across her notes with a pen, but she really did not register the extent of the order.

"Is that—"

"That's all," Lena finished for her with a dismissal wave, "You may leave, Jess."

The secretary nodded in uncertainty and exited the office.

* * *

It was difficult to turn away Kara Danvers, she was the personification of sunshine many of the days she visited, and Jess was always grateful for the coffee whenever Kara went out to buy lunch—Lena often forgot to eat when she was immersed with a project.

So when Jess had to catch up to Kara and place a gentle hand on her shoulder for her to stop, the arduous task felt even more cumbersome.

The blonde turned around with a curious glint in her eyes, her hand clutching a bag of sweets and the other a bouquet of plumerias.

Jess frowned, noting that the tension between her boss and the woman before her was on a much more personal than professional level. And it seemed bad, at least from Lena's end.

"I'm here to see—"

"Miss Luthor is currently busy today," Jess coughed, it was painful to see the woman's expression fall flat, "You'll have to schedule an appointment."

Kara's ears twitched, she could hear a lie from a mile away, literally.

"But, she said I could come in whenever..."

She trailed off at the solemn expression Jess held.

Kara felt her heart sink.

"I'm afraid she revoked your access," the secretary explained, head dipped down in sympathy. "You have to schedule an appointment, then it'll pend approval, and then then I'll notify you if it has passed. That's the procedure from now on."

The somber look on Kara's face was heartbreaking, and Jess had to force herself to look past her and stare at the wall.

"I uh...I understand she's a busy woman." Kara made a failed effort to smile that Jess returned sadly. She hesitated, contemplating, voice timid. "I guess... Um, just make sure she gets these delivered to her."

Then Kara sniffled, reluctantly handing over the flowers and the sweets, successfully managing to keep her tears at bay before she exited the building.

* * *

Lena should have known not to underestimate Kara's stubbornness and tenacity when she set her mind on something. For once Lena was thankful for all the nosiness in National City; when word spread that the Luthor was back behind the reigns of L-Corp, reporters and cameras from all over the city surrounded L-Corp—Kara was unlikely to have any conversation with such publicity.

However, when they all trickled away to pursue another headline, Lena ran out of luck and anxiety filled her to the brim at the idea of confronting her former best friend. Her body was overwhelmed with jitters after over a week of silence; the time that passed allowed her to brew in her memories of the fight and she found that guilt resonated deep in her chest whenever she pictured the broken expression on Kara's face.

Lena buried her head in her hands, trembling with anxiety, caffeine, and sleep deprivation—she should have been better, her reaction was explosive and she regretted that she was unable to control her fury. She did, after all, want to be alone and clearly cut off her friendship with Kara, but if she had to do it all over again she would have made it more civil; she could not bear the thought of leaving things between them on a sour note. However, Lena was aware of Kara's insistence, and throughout her days she spent some of her time rehearsing in her mind what she would say if her former best friend barged through her office doors.

As prepared as Lena tried to convince herself, when a woman with a head of golden hair and thick-framed glasses that perched upon a pair of sad blue eyes timidly opened the door, she froze.

"Ahem, may I come in?"

Lena was still petrified into silence and gawked as Kara cautiously slid into the room and quietly shut the door behind her.

"Who—" Lena cleared her throat, her brain running a million miles per minute, going over every scenario possible within the span of five seconds.

"Who let you in? I told Jess—"

"I'm pretty fast," Kara said, her smile half-hearted and pained. "Jess was confused about what let the draft in."

Kara hesitated, clasping her hands together to keep her fingers from fidgeting.

"But, I mean," her shoulders sagged and she sighed, "If you want me to leave, I will."

Lena knew her answer before gazing into the blue pleading eyes.

She let out a shaky breath and gestured to the couch, "Please, sit. Would you like a drink?"

Kara shook her head.

The women rested upon the cushions with a large gap between them, one on the far end and one on the other, both incredibly tense.

Lena's voice was gruff, eyes cast to the side, "What is it?"

She could see in her peripheral vision how nervous Kara was, twiddling her thumbs and bouncing a leg. She noticed her movement and quickly grabbed a pillow to rest on her lap—her hands played at the corners.

"I just wanted to apologize," Kara sighed, "And that might not be what you want to hear, 'cause it isn't enough; I don't have an excuse for what I did, and my reasons for doing so were selfish at its core. I know that."

Lena nodded silently. "I'm sorry too, for leaving so...atrociously," she whispered, "I should've kept my emotions in check. I shouldn't have exploded. I didn't want to end things like that."

Kara sucked a sharp intake of air at the last sentence.

"Lena," she paused, "Lena, please look at me."

Kara shifted her position to more directly face her friend, whose eyes were averted and whose body was turned away from the object of her despair.

A moment passed before Lena mustered up enough courage to meet Kara.

"What?" she breathed.

"Please," she begged, "I'm not asking for forgiveness, you can hate me forever, but please tell me how to fix this—tell me how to make it better for you."

Lena felt her heart race when Kara slowly reached for her hand; she panicked, flinching away and bolting up. She took a step from the couch to create distance, with her arms stiffly folded across her chest. She felt her heart hit her ribcage with a single painful beat when she caught sight of how hurt Kara was at her reaction.

Lena closed her eyes and pinched the bridge of her nose, letting out a huge sigh, "I'm sorry. You can't. There's nothing you can do."

Kara stood as well, the desperation never left her expression.

"Please, let me help you."

"And we know how that turned out, don't we?" Lena snapped.

She immediately regretted letting those words fall from her lips when Kara visibly winced.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "Just give me a moment. I need to...gather my thoughts."

"It's okay," Kara frowned, "I deserved that."

Lena shook her head, "No. You didn't. And I don't deserve all..." she gestured widely. "... _this_."

She shot Kara a somber look. "I didn't want to be saved."

"I know."

"I was happy."

"I know."

"Then you had to be the hero," she smiled dryly to herself, "As always."

"I know."

"The only person you were trying to help was yourself."

"I know."

Lena dropped her eyes to the floor. "Good. I'm glad you understand."

The room went silent, their conversation suddenly hanging in the air—suspended—but Kara knew her friend had more to say, so she nodded encouragingly to urge her on.

"You know," Lena continued, backing up until she leaned against the edge of her desk. "I've never really thought of crime and justice as black and white, nor good and evil, nor heroic and villainous..." she shrugged and chuckled darkly, "Even when people were trying to kill me. It might not be the case for you, but their reasons were valid. They were afraid, and my fears were the same as theirs."

Lena trailed off, deep in thought as Kara watched with a perplexed expression painting her face.

Lena let out a shaky breath, full of burdens and worries, and a phenomenal weight to carry.

"I think," she whispered hoarsely, "That for the first time, I've really thought about my life as an ethical sort of narrative." She gave a bitter grin. "A Luthor doomed to bear the hatred of the world no matter all the good that was done."

Lena shed several tears and held Kara's wettening eyes with her own.

"I know you're used to it, Supergirl, being the hero of every story," she mumbled, the half smile she sported weighing heavier at the corners.

"But you're the villain in mine."

Kara inhaled sharply, her heart stuttering at the dread that froze her body. She was speechless, but her silence communicated everything—guilt, regret, sorrow...

Her lips parted, a desperate breath escaping from her lungs to protest, to explain, to do  _something_.

But it did nothing, instead she felt all the blood drain from her the next moment.

Lena closed her eyes, shaking her head. "I love you, Kara. I always will. But we're not friends—what we had simply isn't salvageable; it passed that point long ago. I'm sure you've noticed that our friendship tends to be prone to edging towards the unhealthier side, ever since the Black Mercy. I realize now that you've only shown me how little our friendship meant to you, now I'm questioning... _everything_  that happened. Your secret; it was always yours to keep, I don't mind that you decided not to disclose that sensitive information—although, looking back, I simply can't bear the thought of you deciding not to because I'm a  _Luthor_ ," she spat, the name tasted acidic on her tongue. "I had to accidentally stumble upon your secret and inadvertently figure it out myself."

Lena clenched her fists, watched as her knuckles turned white from the force.

"After being sidelined time after time again with Lillian choosing Lex, Lex choosing madness, and you choosing..."

She trailed off in frustration.

"Look. You're my friend, Kara. I don't have a lot of those if not any. You've always been one of my top priorities." Lena unsuccessfully hid a sob with a strangled chuckle, "But this time...this time I'm  _my_ priority. I...I want to be first."

She shook her head, radiating with disappointment at herself. "And I know I'm selfish for wanting to be above all else when you're so noble and heroic and off saving people; Supergirl  _is_  more important. But I don't want to be last anymore. I don't want to be an afterthought, I don't want to be sporadically left in the middle of a brunch, a movie, or any other activity. You can't offer that. It's difficult to be best friends with a hero, you know, with all the increased assassination attempts, public relations events, and the world hating the Luthor name even more just because I'm close to Supergirl..."

"W-What are you saying, Lena?" Kara asked, desperate.

"I don't want to see you again," she answered, "Please leave, you can see yourself out. I'm sure you know, the exit is that way."

Kara felt her chest tighten, her heart was in a precarious position, hanging just by a thread. "Please, just rethink this, okay? I-I said I'd protect you. I promised—"

"Your promises mean nothing to me," Lena cut in harshly, her expression hard and unrelenting. "Not anymore. Please, get out, Kara. If you don't leave, I'm going to have to call security to escort you."

"Lena  _please_ —" she begged.

"It's 'Miss Luthor' now. Goodbye, Miss Danvers."

Lena pivoted, back facing the door as she mindlessly tapped away at her tablet to distract her from looking over her shoulder.

"No."

Lena's ears perked up at the resolute statement and scoffed, "Excuse me?"

"I said no," Kara repeated, "We're going to sit here and talk about this. You're not going to push me away and shut me out." She took a deep calming breath and lowered her voice. "Let me help you. I want to understand why."

Lena narrowed her eyes and ground her teeth together. "You won't understand."

"Then make me!" Kara shouted, "Then help me understand!"

"You didn't even think about the consequences of your interference with time travel!" Lena growled, still not facing Kara, "You didn't think about what you were risking in the past, present, and future for saving one person! What if you paved the way for another disaster to devastate National City? Or even Earth? Or—"

"We both know it's not me messing with time that you're upset about," Kara muttered under her breath.

" _What_?" Lena snarled.

"You heard me."

Lena slammed her tablet onto her desk, effectively cracking the glass screen. She whipped around, her green eyes dangerous as she stomped her way towards the offender. "Because I wanted to not be treated like shit!"

Kara's eyes twitched, widened slightly at the woman's outburst, but she held her ground.

"And I got that!" Lena shouted in frustration, "Then you took it away from me! Now...now I'm back here, where  _everyone_ hates me because I'm a  _Luthor_ , where my own  _family_ hates me because I've never been  _enough_  of a Luthor. I saved National City's alien population from Cadmus's virus. I developed a device to save National City a  _second_  time." Lena gestured towards her balcony that overlooked skyscrapers and the hustle of the citizens. "But I'm  _still_ the enemy! I didn't even expect them to show gratitude either! I just wanted them to stop demonizing me for my family's actions! And this is all because  _you_  decided to play God—to travel back in time to save someone who didn't want to be saved!"

Their eyes blazed, glued to one another's in equal passion. They leaned far too close against each other that Kara could feel the ragged puffs of Lena's breathing after her venomous tirade.

Their connected gazes lingered, steadfast in their positions and unwilling to relent.

"Get. Out."

Kara narrowed her eyes farther, but she finally conceded with a nod.

"Fine."

Her voice was honeyed, as golden as her hair, and gentle but firm as the shaky lilt in her tone communicated her affection.

As Kara closed the door, she stole one last look at Lena; her back was facing the only entry and exit, her arms folded tightly across her chest, and she was looking over her shoulder to make sure her visitor actually would leave this time around. Her jaw was set, sharp and jagged and unwelcoming. Her green eyes were jaded and glazed over, on the verge of tears that expressed a hollow, empty void in her heart.

And Kara saw it, disturbing and haunting and melancholic, a young child lost and confused; Lena bloomed in the dark—beautifully resilient to adversity—alas wilted in the shadows, in the cruel care of the Luthors.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Constructive criticism appreciated.**


	12. Improperia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Find me on Tumblr at spoopercorp and on FF as Local-Asshole.**
> 
> **[insert upside-down emoji that looks like it has a forced smile n is dead inside]**

# Improperia

* * *

_"You don't want to do this, L—"_

_"_ Don't _!" Lena shouted, then there was a metallic click and then she was pointing a gun against the side of her own head. "Don't come any closer!"_

_Kara halted and raised her hands up to placate her panicked friend; she could hear it, the rapid beat of the woman's heart, the erratic breathing, how her lips quivered and her frame trembled._

_"_ _Okay, Lena," she cooed, calm with a note of fear in her voice, "Okay. I'm sorry." She hesitated before taking a step back—maybe if the woman had more space she would be willing to cooperate. "I just want to talk, alright? That's all."_

_Like the last dream, their environment was unforgivingly dark and dreary, but this time Kara could make out the blurred edges of her surroundings that vaguely mimicked Lena's private office. Still, the area acted like a cavern, every little sound they made echoed impossibly loud. And this time Kara was_ Kara _; dorky polka dot shirt, khaki slacks, black-framed glasses, and all._

_Lena smiled, as empty as the void that engulfed them._

_A hint of sorrow tinged her voice, enough to let Kara see through the vacant eyes and silent demeanor into something crippled and malignant. The darkness consumed her friend, its pace steady yet alarming._

_"_ _Can we talk?" Kara tried again, tentative._

_But Lena just chuckled, a defeated little sound, pressing the barrel of the pistol harder against her temple, itching to shoot._

_A sigh._

_"_ _I'm tired of talking."_

_Her finger twitched and pulled the trigger._

* * *

" _No_!" Kara screamed. She bolted upright from her bed and scanned her room frantically before her emotions settled down.

Just a dream.

It was only a dream.

But the sound of the gunshot still grated against her eardrums.

Kara buried her head in her hands and let out a deep shaky breath to calm herself, her forehead damp from the cold sweat that took place. She looked out her window, toward the early dawn's rising sun, her ears searching for a bitter heartbeat, and her soul yearning for forgiveness from one who would never grant her that luxury.

The thorns drew blood no matter how much she loved the rose.

* * *

Lena raised her head, cracking her neck and stretching her back from the long hours of hunching over her desk. She stifled a small yawn; it was only the afternoon and it was all bright and shiny outside, but she was already exhausted—regulating her sleep schedule should have been a priority.

Lena had spent far too many all-nighters, she could feel her productivity and efficiency dropping as her muscles continued to weaken. Her eyes were groggy and she grew even more lethargic day after day. The more time that passed the more she worked. However, it was a lovely activity to distract herself from certain things—or more accurately a certain someone.

She jumped when her cellphone rang, peeking at the caller I.D. first before answering the call.

"Jess?"

"Miss Luthor," she panted, "Miss Danvers insisted that she needed to see you and—"

"I told her that she was unwelcome," Lena growled, gritting her teeth.

"I'm trying to catch up to her right now but she's fast, I thought I'd call you to let you know so you could be prepared, or even lock your office."

"I told you not to let her in and even bumped up security measures," Lena scoffed.

"Well it turns out the guards can't do much to Miss Danvers when she decides to, erm,  _slightly_ incapacitate them."

Lena gasped, her eyes widening in shock. "Wait a minute. Incapaci— _what_?"

"We can press charges—"

She shook her head. "No, not that. Kara wouldn't willingly 'incapacitate' people."

"Oh," Jess squeaked, "I forgot to mention, it's not Kara Danvers on her way to— _hey_!"

There was a short scuffle and the assistant demanded her phone to be returned in the background of the call.

"—it's Agent  _Alex_ Danvers and I'm here to fucking kick your ass, Luthor!"

The line died and Lena pulled the device away from her ear and stared at it curiously.

A second later her office doors burst open.

She caught sight of a leg raised in the air with black pants and boots, then her attention diverted to the handle of her door clanging to the ground and sliding forward before coming to a stop.

Lena stared disinterestedly at the object on the floor, her voice monotonous and dull.

"That was sterling silver. Fifteen dollars per ounce. The door was unlocked, kicking it open was extremely unnecessary and uncalled for. Even if it  _was_  locked most people knock to announce their presence."

Alex stalked forward and grabbed Lena by her collar. "Listen here you spoiled little bi—"

"Miss Luthor!" Jess yelped, "I'm calling 911 and notifying secur—"

"Hold on." Lena waved her hand in dismissal. "That won't be necessary. Leave us."

She watched her secretary pause, her finger a breadth away from pressing the call button, reluctance clearly drawn upon her expression.

"It's okay, Jess," Lena reassured, "I'll be fine."

Alex shoved her victim backwards once she heard the door shut and an echo of heels clicking back down the hallway.

Lena's steps staggered for a second before she stabilized herself against her desk. She took a peek at the door again and frowned in disappointment.

"You splintered it too," she stated, "That was ebony wood you know. A hundred dollars per foot."

Alex rolled her eyes, glaring at Lena as she dusted herself off from the rocky first few seconds of their encounter.

"That was quite the dramatic entrance, Agent Danvers," she scoffed, "Although, I don't think it's quite wise to treat everything like a crime bust scene in those gaudy action movies, but to each their own." She moved around her desk and organized her papers into her file cabinets.

Lena chuckled, mirth all-absent from the sound, "Your etiquette is lacking as well; most people who want me dead knock me out, restrain me, recite their dramatic grievances in a monologue or soliloquy or whatever, and then kill me."

Alex rolled her eyes.

"Well," Lena sighed, almost tinged with disinterest and boredom, "What can I do for you, Agent Danvers?"

"You  _know_  why."

"Then let's make this quick—I have an appointment scheduled in..." She glanced at her watch. "About an hour, and I don't plan on cancelling it, so, how can I help you with this dilemma of yours?"

Alex growled, " _My_  problem is just as much as  _your_  problem. What the hell did you do?"

"What the hell did  _I_  do? Shouldn't  _I_  be asking you that question? You have no business barging in here,  _illegally_  might I add, and you have no business in  _my_  affairs," Lena countered, "If you're so curious just talk to Kara." She shook her head disappointedly, muttering, "Can't believe she sent her big sister to take care of her problems for her."

Lena made her way to one of her cupboards and pulled out a bottle of whiskey, pouring herself a large cup before heading back to sit behind her desk.

"Kara didn't send me," Alex argued, "I came because I care about her. She's my family, my little sister."

"Touching."

"What's your problem? She saved your life! The least you could do is show a bit of gratitude and—"

"I didn't ask to be saved!" Lena cried, "That's the  _fucking point_  of trying to commit suicide!"

Alex reeled back at the outburst, surprise coloring her features. She knew that the woman was devastated about the Black Mercy incident, but she thought the CEO of L-Corp would bounce back after the venom was extracted.

Alex's training kicked in and she knew Lena was becoming emotionally unstable, volatile. She raised her hands and stepped back to ease the situation. "Okay. Okay, I get it."

That seemed to make her fume even harder.

"No! You  _don't_  get it!" Lena laughed. It was crazed and hysterical and somber all at once. "You both grew up with loving families! Yes, Kara's entire planet was destroyed and I can't imagine bearing that pain! But they  _loved_  her and she  _knew_ and she got to  _experience_  that! Then came the Danvers! Your parents welcomed her with open hearts and eventually you did too! You all loved each other and made sure everyone knew that!" Lena seethed, her teeth baring in a menacing grimace. "Neither of you know what it feels like to be abused and unwanted and unloved by family! You don't know what it feels like to be constantly insulted by everyone around you! As a  _child_! I was  _four_ , Alex!" Lena's voice cracked pathetically, hoarse from her impassioned screams. "And I remember  _everything_."

She slumped into her chair and crossed her arms tight over her chest, shivers wracked through her body from bottled sobs.

Alex's eyes widened slightly, and all she could do was stare in shock at the explosion that just occurred right in front of her.

Then she felt something inside her snap and give in, a drive that was reserved only for Kara, her little sister; it made way for something tentative and fragile.

Alex cleared her throat, and moved a chair in front of Lena before sitting on it and resting her arms on the desk.

She took a deep breath, "I'm sorry." It was gentle in its cadence, its tone meant to comfort and console, but her posture was cautious.

Lena instantly noted the change in her uninvited guest, skeptical brows pushing against one another.

"Look," Alex continued slowly, ready to silence herself if Lena were to interject. "That apology might not be worth all that much. I mean, I don't know you that well. Not at all really. At least compared to Kara. It's no excuse, but as supportive as I seemed to be with you and her being best friends...I did buy into that Luthor paranoia everyone was talking about. And, you know, maybe if Kara was human I wouldn't have an issue. But she's not. She's Kryptonian and her only surviving family member was nearly killed multiple times by your brother." Alex paused after her admission and scanned Lena for any signs of discomfort. When she found none, she continued, "Personally, even if Kara doesn't agree, I think my logic in my wariness of you is sound. And I know you're one for rationality and reason. I know you agree with me—that it's smart to be analytical of a potential threat to a loved one."

Lena nodded in affirmation. "And Kara was very much  _not_ smart when she decided to befriend me."

" _But_ ," Alex added, "We both also know that blaming others for their family's mistakes is unfair."

Silence.

"Right, Lena?"

Silence.

Alex's eyes slanted in concern. "It took me some time to get the idea to cement, but their actions aren't your fault. You know that, right?"

"That makes one of us who believes that."

Alex frowned. It was pitiful.

"You need help," she whispered.

Lena huffed, her amusement dry, "No shit, Sherlock."

Alex sighed, "No. I mean therapy." She backtracked and sputtered a little when an intense glare was shot at her. "O-or not. I don't know you that well. I don't know if therapy is going to be beneficial to you since you run a multi-billion dollar company, but maybe time and some care will help. It's a good first step. And Kara's been patient. She's been very patient. And she'll shower you with love and affection again if you'll let her. I think it'll be good for you."

Lena's shoulders deflated, she felt nauseous just at the thought of seeing Kara again. "No offense, but I don't think that's such a great idea."

"Then speak for yourself. What do you need right now? At this moment. From Kara."

"Some space," she answered, "Just for a little while."

"You do know yours and Kara's definitions of 'a little while' are  _vastly_ different, right?"

Lena shot her a look.

Alex gave a small chuckle, "Alright, alright. I'll tell her." She stood up and put the chair back, and the moment as she was about to leave, Lena called out to her.

"Hey."

"Yeah?"

Lena glanced downward and hesitated for a moment. "Thank you. This was...unexpected."

Alex grinned carefully, "You're not so bad yourself, Luthor." Then she closed the door behind her.

"Also, I'm not paying for the damages! Bye!" came a rushed shout from down the hall.

Lena rolled her eyes.

"Miss Luthor?" Jess peeked through the crack of the door before entering. "Should I press charges?"

"No. It's fine. It was a surprisingly civil conversation. Most of it." She straightened the collar and lapels of her outfit out neatly, pondering how her relationship with Alex evolved into something...cautious—almost familial, or at least on a slow and steady road to it.

It felt like something clicked into place—not quite a perfect fit, but it filled some void inside her.

"And maybe let  _this_  Danvers have access so she doesn't break down my doors again," Lena added.

Jess hummed, "Alright. And your appointment is here. She's coming down the hall and she'll be here any second. Is there anything else I can do for you?"

Lena shook her head, "That'll be all, thank you."

Her secretary gave her a brief nod and headed out, passing by a figure leaning against the doorframe.

"Eventful day today, Miss Luthor?" someone drawled, voice silky and mischievous.

Lena glanced up from her paperwork.

"Alyssa," she greeted with a smirk.

* * *

"So, just making sure, when Lena said she needed time, did she mean a few days, or a week? Because it's been over a month now," Kara grumbled bitterly. She sat comfortably on her couch, wrapped in a blanket, devouring a tub of ice cream, and watching the news for alien updates.

"She'll come around," Alex answered next to her, clad in her DEO uniform.

Kara pouted, "And you haven't gone to visit her since then?"

"I didn't really give a good impression last time. And I don't wanna pay for damages. Plus, if she can't handle  _this_  Danvers," Alex gestured to herself. "Then she most definitely can't handle you." She glanced around her little sister's spectacularly messy apartment.

Kara punched her shoulder, then tightened the blanket around herself.

"Hey! That actually hurt you stupid burrito!" Alex yelled, tackling the offender to the floor.

Kara released an agonized yelp.

"Alex! Alex, please! Not the ice cream!  _Anything but the ice cream_!"

She scrambled towards the bucket, its sweet contents pooling over the floor. She looked up with a pained expression and a ragged cry made its way past her throat as she picked up the tub and cradled it in her arms, the sticky dessert ruining her outfit.

" _Why_!"

Alex was sat on the couch, arms crossed and eyes rolling hard. "Don't be such a drama queen. It's just ice cream."

" _Just_  ice cream?" Kara exclaimed.

Then she frowned and pouted her way towards the kitchen, stalking towards the cabinet.

Alex looked after her with a curious expression. "What are you doing?"

Kara remained silent, opening the cupboards and pulling out an ornate wine bottle.

"Oh, wanna drink your sorrows away with  _my_  alcohol?" Alex scoffed, raising a brow.

Kara gave a mischievous smirk and adjusted her hold on the bottle, flipping it upside-down so she could hold it upright by the neck.

Alex gasped, "You wouldn't  _dare_."

"Wouldn't I?" Kara smiled. She flipped the bottle again so she was holding it by the body, and she could hear her sister's worried heartbeat calm.

Then she put pressure, gave her palm a tiny squeeze.

Alex's eyes bulged comically when she heard the crack, and she watched a tiny sliver of a line make home within the bottle.

"That's expensive!" she screeched.

Kara shrugged, "But it's  _just_ wine."

"Hey! Listen here you—"

"Oh. I don't think you're in the position to make any demands."

Alex gulped.

Kara placed a hand on her hips, casually looking back and forth between the bottle in her other palm and her panicked sister.

A long moment passed.

Then a loud shatter sounded.

The next thing Alex knew, her precious hostage turned into a pile of glassy bits on the floor, covered in a dark liquid.

Kara's grin was smug.

And Alex felt the fuse light and a roar erupt from her lungs, so powerful she felt like her throat bled.

"You stupid Kryptonian  _brat_!"

* * *

Kara could clearly remember the agony that followed after Lena's death, the guilt and the absence of her best friend.

But not being able to talk or see Lena while she was alive and well, or as well as she could be at the moment, was a whole new torture in and of itself. The anxiety never ceased and Kara often spent much of her days worrying about Lena's health and if she fell into bad coping mechanisms.

Kara's worries always eased slightly whenever she was active in current local events. Lena Luthor had skyrocketed into the spotlight ever since her abrupt and unannounced return to L-Corp. Before, a handful of news updates involved the Luthors, but now Kara was able to acquire her Lena fix reading gossip columns, because those were a lot better than an anchor reporting yet another Luthor-related incident ranging from a new business deal to yet another assassination attempt.

Kara would also admit to checking up on her friend every now and then—her abilities were not exclusively efficient for crime-fighting, but they also aided her with tuning into her friends' wellbeings.

And Kara found herself skeptical.

Lately, articles online stated that Lena was possibly in a relationship, which was unbelievable because surely she would somehow notify her best friend?

Kara sighed, rubbing her eyes from the exhaustion of trying to keep up with Lena; the time she spent doing so was excessive and, she acknowledged, perhaps slightly obsessive. Although, in her defense, the last time she did not pay attention she ended up missing warning signs that eventually resulted in Lena taking her own life, and she was  _not_  letting that slip by her again.

Kara clicked out of the web browser and shut her laptop, pondering. Assuming that relationship rumors were true, a part of Kara felt happy that Lena had found an anchor in her life other than her. But a bigger part of Kara was jealous. Of course, she technically had no right to feel as bitter as she was—Lena believed she had been rejected after all, it was only natural to move on, and perhaps one of the first positive inclinations she made since their fallout. At least from what Kara could observe.

She never actually  _saw_  the person Lena was supposedly with. Either they were stealthy and had luck on their side or Kara should participate in more reconnaissance. The latter was a big no because she was invading Lena's privacy enough as it was.

Kara wanted to see this special person, and she knew deep down that the relationship rumors likely had some truth to them, to an extent. Lena's heartbeat was less angry and sad, but it was not necessarily  _happy_. She seemed to get out more— _much_  more—and she was spending quite the amount of money; just the other day when Kara was dealing with an alien threat, she zoomed by a flower shop and caught wind of a rather large purchase of rare flora from none other than her best friend—Lena found solace in someone other than Kara, who needed to sate her curiosity about this special person.

She would have been lying if she refused to admit that she felt hurt, that she was being replaced.

Kara was never one for over-the-top speculative celebrity websites, but she happened to stumble across a TMZ clickbait with a paparazzo recording Lena and her new mystery woman as they were walking down the strip of an outlet mall. Although the quality could have been better, Kara was not blind—she knew an attractive woman when she saw one, even in a 240p quality video. So far it was just the cameraman trailing the two women from behind stopping just away from them every so often because the mystery woman was enthusiastically raking her eyes over the windows of a store. Kara was close to closing the relatively uneventful and slightly boring video until the woman whispered to Lena, who leaned over as red lips murmured just a centimeter away.

From behind Lena nodded from what Kara could make out, then her date excitedly entered a store she had set her eyes on with the Luthor looking out after her, waiting outside, showing her profile.

Kara felt her breath catch at how her best friend looked; put together yet unkempt, strong posture yet a weak frame, a small, closed smile with tight lips that subtly quivered.

Then Lena noticed the cameraman and looked directly towards the lens, and in the span of a second within that shot, despite how Lena played up her love life in the midst of her abrupt and suspicious return to L-Corp was...quite the stretch from the truth.

Her eyes were ringed with a dark kind of exhaustion, and her jaw was painfully clenched even with the smile plastered on her face that seemed stressful to maintain in front of the media. The green in her irises were vacant, not empty, but  _lacking_  something, and it was a gate into the mind of someone who was confused and lost—someone who was half-hearted in their endeavors to breach the towering obstacle in their path.

Someone who once was undefeated, now partly overcome.

And Kara felt her heart break, felt it crack open and pour out its guilt in magnificent waves and overwhelm all other emotion in its flood as she watched the demons slowly conquer Lena.

* * *

"Can you run the guest list by me again, Hector?" Lena inquired, observing her staff preparing the building in a frantically professional pace for her gala. "Any other notable figures Jess was able to invite?"

"Miss Luthor, with all due respect, I thought this gala was for charity, shouldn't you be relaxing and mingling instead of conducting business proposals?" the man replied, scrolling through the list of names on a tablet.

Lena sighed, "Unfortunately, business obeys no one, and this is an opportunity better than most. They're all here in one place after all. I might as well analyze my mergers and other prospects in order to maintain most of my philanthropy. Besides," she smirked, "There's no harm in persuading my fellow one percents to donate more to charity. And I'd like to discuss the merger agreements."

"The deals will be finalized by the end of this month," Hector explained, "The representatives will be staying in National City until then. You have plenty of time, you could use a break."

Lena rolled her eyes jokingly. "The guest list, old man."

Hector clutched his heart, voice gravely, "You wound me, Miss Luthor." He smiled and moved away from a playful slap on the shoulder. Then he cleared his throat, his tone deep and back to its professional sound. "Star Lab's current CEO Harrison Wells brought a special guest with him for tonight, founder Garrison Slate. There's also Stagg Enterprise's very own Simon St—"

"Ugh," Lena groaned. She pinched the bridge of her nose. "Just thinking about that man gives me a headache."

Hector laughed, "Don't worry I'm sure Mr. Stagg is going to be more interested in speaking with Kord Industries or Wayne Enterprises."

" _Please_  don't tell me Ted sent Tobias Whale again. Stagg is already a handful to deal with."

"Fortunately, Ted—er— _Theodore_  Kord will be attending; his perpetually busy schedule left him an opening this time. However, I can't say the same for the other," Hector sighed, "Unfortunately, Bruce Wayne is unable to attend, nor Oliver Queen and his CFO Walter Steele. Instead they've sent their business relations managers Lucius Fox, of the WayneTech subsidiary, and Emiko Adachi respectively."

Lena tilted her head. "And what of Thea Queen?"

"I believe she's with Nyssa and Talia al Ghul on a business trip for the Queen Corporation at their other location, Seattle, Washington," Hector explained.

Lena motioned for the man to hand over the tablet and selected the image of one of the guests, reading the description intently.

Hector cleared his throat, "Online information about Miss Adachi is drastically limited since she's on a work visa. She's the newest addition to Queen Consolidated—mainly stationed at their headquarters in Star City, California. She has impressive credentials as well as, unbeknownst to the public, an extensive history with the Queen family."

"That must've been quite the resume she submitted. I'm intrigued. I don't often see many women with professions similar to mine. They're all..." she waved her hand nonchalantly, an amused smirk painting her face, "...busy being unrecognized for their abilities—wasting their time being assistants instead of utilizing their degrees in nuclear physics."

Hector chuckled, "Miss Tessmacher is very much enjoying her new position as the lead researcher in one of your nuclear chemistry labs. "And it seems Miss Adachi  _is_  the only other woman on the guest list."

"And the other?" Lena inquired curiously.

"Aside from you and your partner, it's the Catco reporter who's attending along with the CEO, James Olsen," he paused, contemplating, "I believe her name is Kiera—"

"Kara Danvers," Lena finished. Her grip on the tablet was white-knuckled. She did not have to look at the guest list to know who was being discussed.

Hector eyed his boss warily, noting her tense posture and stiff jaw.

"Indeed," he quietly affirmed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Constructive criticism appreciated.**


End file.
